Removing reluctant cylinder heads is a fascinating subject, but workshop short-cuts in general has even more scope for humour. There must be thousands of hilarious anecdotes out there - let's have em folks.

Ah, gg, I see you've sent Cheapy another little X...

Anybody know a good technique for removing valve springs with the head in place? I know of compressed air in the spark plug hole, also feeding light rope in the plug hole, then (carefully) winding the piston up to the rope.

yep I've heard of both. Many tool manufacturers sell the adapter to hook up your shop air to the spark plug hole.

I've used both, then if I'm in a hurry to get the retainers off I get a ~19mm or so socket, put it on the top of the retainer and just give it a sharp tap with a hammer. Retainer & collets comes right out.
Not so easy getting it all back together though ....

A classic often related by Bosch tech staff in their training sessions. When they first started establishing a service network in Australia they were surprised to discover that most auto electricians were set up to bench-test starter motors under load - a suitable piece of timber levered against the Bendix with the starter running on the bench.

By far the fastest way to remove valve springs is with a spark plug socket and hammer, being an extended type especially if the head is on the bench.

Put a rag over the spring first and you won't lose a collet.

You can buy a nifty valve spring compressor that has 2 hooks and a round foot for compressing the spring in place to replace the spring in situ.

I have never tried the air technique but have put various bent bits of things in the plug holes to hold the valve up (all at TDC of course).


For those who know what I'm talking about, I can change timing chains on a Mitsubishi Astron without lifting the head The secret is to use a knife edged piece of tin to seperate the front of the head gasket from the timing case and the sump gasket from the timing case. You need to release a few sump bolts towards the front to make room. Mind you it takes about 3 days to clean that Mitsubishi shit blue gasket material from the block - and you have to do properly it because the water pump goes through the timing cover.

I can also do 'L' series Datsun head gaskets without using a timing chain "wedge". I made a nifty tool that was a long 8mm rod with a qualioty self tapper brazed to the end and I could go down behind the main chain guide and screw the self tapper into the tensiner head to stop it moving out - then I had the freedom to turn the engines over with the head off without the 'wedge' restricting me.

Mind you the first Datsun 1600 head gasket I did as a teen - "why won't this timing chain come up and over the sprocket?" DOH! (The timing chain tensioner foot pops out of it's housing when you release the cam chain tension!)

Oh and I can remove and replace Mazda TC/UC timing chain tensioners in situ through the small inspection hole.

I got a million of them, I just can't remember 'em probably because in a shop they are just day to day items that crop up that you have to figure on the run.

Wow that's exotic. I used to use a piece of wood or the head of a long screwdriver jammed down there

(PS my own car, never on other's cars )

Done the air in the plug hole trick a few times. Have to make sure it's exactly on TDC though or it can suddenly and unexpectedly spin the crank half a turn. On an engine with stud mounted rockers you can use a piece of flat or angle with a hole to slip over the stud and a notch for the retainer as a lever. Quick and easy seal or spring replacement.
I guess we've all seen and used the common ones like running a bead of weld in an outer race or cup to shrink it and get it out of a blind housing easily. Or filling a pilot bush with grease and then driving in a snug fitting drift to pop it out. Or changing mains with the crank in place and the engine still installed by slipping a split pin in the oil hole and turning the crank. One I've used a few times is the use of one of those stainless steel pump-up garden sprayers to prime oil or fuel systems, or provide a temporary pressurised fuel supply.
A couple of others I've seen or done that aren't really shortcuts but more like dodgy practices that were gotten away with:
Years ago I watched a workmate remove the drive sprocket from a dozer. These are on a tapered spline and take a massive amount of force to release. He had the porta-power and puller set up; in the lid of the porta-power box is a huge sign to the effect of "When removing drive sprockets DO NOT fully remove the nut - loosen one turn only until sprocket is free from the taper." Yep, he takes the nut right off and starts pumping on the handle. No go, so he screws in the relief valve a turn or two and slips a pipe on the handle and pumps again. Still no go, and by this time the puller must be exerting maybe 60 - 80 tons on the wheel. He decides to give it a tap so grabs a 7lb hammer and fortunately for him stands to the side as he gives it the first tap. With a huuuuge bang the taper releases and the sprocket - maybe 50kg or more - still attached to the puller and the pump unit, hoses and all goes clean through the workshop wall. If anyone had been in front of it or immediately outside the wall it would have smashed their legs at the very least...
Many years back I was operating a trench digger that had a single cylinder engine, about 18hp I think. It was Sunday, and I had to get the trench finished that day. With not too far to go the engine suddenly died; no compression. Pulled the head, found it had dropped the head off the exhaust valve. Didn't have many options so fired up the stick welder and welded the head back to the stem right there in the paddock. Refitted it and gave it a good whack with a hammer and drift to "reseat" it. Got the job finished and ran it like that for about six months before I got around to replacing the valve..

Great post! I was wondering when personal injuries, injuries to work-mates or near-misses were going to appear...!

And everyone thinks ball peen hammers were made for peening, the ball end is perfect for exactly this, surprisingly effective too! I'm surprised you didn't mention then sticking the valve in a power drill and lots of grinding paste

Some gearboxes you can change bearings one at a time without disassembling the whole box - use a 6 or 8mm long bolt and grind the head flat on 2 opposite sides then hammer/smash it into the ball support cage, turn it 90 degrees to lock it into the ball guides and then use the thread as a puller.

I can't remember what model car but I am guilty of cutting a small hole in a firewall to get a starter motor bolt out, maybe a Jag XJS V12? I then put a rubber bung in the hole making it look very factory like (under the carpet anyway).

Oh and always take the exhaust of from the flange when lifting heads (leaving the manifold on the head), doing a head gasket is a bastard when you also have to start replacing exhaust manifold studs but a flange stud is nothing to do on the bench in comparison.

Friend and I drove from Brisbane to Bathurst in his Holden ute - 202 CI six cyl. I think it was 1978, I remember Brock won in a Torana - last year before Commodores. Coming home, the engine started rattling loudly. We limped to the next town (Western NSW) and caught the only service station just closing up. The guy was a champion - lived next door to the servo. He had a dead 202 behind the workshop we could use for parts and let us use his tools while he went home and watched TV.

My friend got the shit job (sump off) while I pulled the head. Classic 202 failure - disintegrated piston, conrod complete with press fit gudgeon flailing in the bore, left four deep gouges. The gouges had serious burrs standing proud. These had to be removed with a half-roud file. Piston-rod assembly pilfered from the dead 202 (it had 5 good ones and one in the same condition as ours) seemed to fit the hole OK. Gaskets reused with a bit of goo. Total cost for used piston & rod, 5 litres oil, 4 cans of Coke, gasket goo, use of shop and tools for 3 hours was less than $30.

Engine ran on 5 cylinders below about 1500 RPM, oil light came on 20 minutes down the highway. Quick inspection at the next servo revealed a sizeable chunk of crankcase almost falling out - a big piece of piston must have had trouble getting past the rotating crank. 5 minute epoxy fixed the oil leak - didn't miss a beat for the remaining 7 hours to Brisbane.

My mate was never big on maintaining his own car (typical mechanic), so that engine did another 10,000 km before he finally replaced it.

Oh, I have a great near miss story.....

A customer who purchased a 'dead' 18RG Toyota motor from me (earlier Celica 2V Twin Cam) returned it after he had reco'ed it and wanted me to run it before he put it in the car. So out with my professional run test bench (stolen supermarket shopping trolley with battery, fuel tank, coil and wiring) and called to Kevin the apprentice to give me a hand. (Kevin Suffern as in Monty Suffern, George Fury's navigator's nephew - just for a name drop).

So all goes well, start her up and warm it for a minute and give it a few blips. stop it and let it heat sink while I did some other things then came back to it about 10 minutes later.

Start it up again and this time give it some herbs

vrooooom, vrooooom, vroooooooom

Then suddenly it changed it's tone..

VRUM, VRUM - just like a F1 car the revs came on ultra quick

Somethings not quite right here, you know those moments....

I turned the engine off. I'm looking at the motor and somethings weird - then I saw it

On the last big rev the flywheel had sheared all of its cheap hardware store bolts and was sitting at the back of the engine where its supposed to be but about 1" lower and on the ground and it's not moving other than rotating I guess at 5000 rpm and starting to shoot up some sparks and a little concrete dust.

I grabbed Kevin and moved back a few meters and started to yell at everyone what was going on.

For the next 2 or 3 minutes and not having a clue what to do, we all watched it very slowly travel about 20 meters across the workshop floor severing electric wires, 2 airlines and a piece of wood as well as gouging a 1/4" deep crack all the way to the wall. It reached the far wall and just stayed there for a few minutes slightly damaging the tin wall and came to a stop and fell over.

When I realised what was going on I thought this thing was going to take off when it hit something and go flying but unlike the movies it was all like in slow motion, it was spinning so darn fast it couldn't get traction to convert it's energy.

Not very spectacular but one of the more interesting things I've seen.

Wish I'd seen that...

Me too. But at the same time kinda glad I wasn't there..

I didn't witness this one personally but was told about it by a mate who swears it's true....

Factory manager was walking to his office one day when he noticed that the flexible conduit had pulled from the motor on one of the machines (auto cut-off saws), leaving the wires still insulated but exposed where they entered the motor. Must get that fixed before the insulation rubs through he thinks, then forgets all about it.
Some weeks or months later he hears shouts from the floor and looks out to see a figure hunched over the same machine. Shit, he thinks, the wires have rubbed through and poor worker is being electrocuted! He rushes out to help him but thinks if he tries to drag him off the machine he will be in danger of being electrocuted himself. So instead he tries - quite energetically - to kick him free.
In fact what had happened was that the worker had been cycling the machine and had gotten his sleeve caught up and was unable to reach the controls to free himself. He was in no real danger but had sung out to get someone to help get him unstuck. He later said he was very relieved to see the boss running up to help - right up until he had unexpectedly started to put the boot into him...

Of course you realise these stories are making me remember my own!

Right now I'm looking at the scars on my hands, I can still order 10 drinks though unlike others - aren't workshops fun

How many of you have sent the apprentice to the tool store for something fictitious? Perhaps you were the apprentice? Got any rippers to add to the following list of items?

- A long weight (wait)
- A can of striped paint
- A set of skyhooks
- A six inch populating tool

-Some grinding-wheel sparks
-A left-handed hammer
-A tin of Elbow grease
-A disconbobulator
-A trinomial malacatreader

metric adjustable crescent.
jar of 38 nuts labled 10mm
when I was 10 my dad was in the workshop with a mateboth working on a valiant motor and he called me over and said " quikly hand me that steel bar on the anvil" it wouldnt move it was a strong magnet.
mal

I swear, the only time I saw this hoax, the storeman looked the apprentice in the eye and said "I've only got an eight inch - do you think that will do?" and promptly flopped his cock on the counter for the apprentice to inspect.

Jim Allington had a few tales for me, his young apprentice, about various incidents at George W King, a local crane and hoist manufacturer, where he had done his apprenticeship, and who provided us with some illustrating work. One little game, probably very well known, was to run up a clean, dry ball race with an airline to considerable speed, then place it on the floor between the rows of lathes and milling-machines and watch it accelerate away, hoping that some innocent would step in front of it and receive a crippling blow on the ankle...

...and the guy who needed to hammer the end of a steel bar using a hydraulic hammer. He placed the end on the anvil, holding the bar to his left - not satisfied with this, he moved so that the bar was to his right. Still not right, so he straddled it, not realising that the bar was now sloping down from the anvil. The blow of the hammer lifted him a couple of feet off the ground, and he was carried out of the machine shop completely rigid,,,

Felt tips and roller balls for the laser printer - worked at Intergraph in Brazil, one laser and a bunch of HP plotters. Interns had to cross the street 3 or four times to go to storage that new what was going on and asked about color, thickness and stuff. We had the phone of the hook.

The Ry Cooder technique also works very well on wheels and brake drums that are rusted to their hubs. Simply loosen the lug nuts one or two turns, then drive slowly in circles in both directions. Now they will slide right off. Beats hammering, torching, etc.

To remove a broken manifold stud on or off the car, drill a hole through it halfway true as you can, then blow out the rest with a torch. Once you learn the exact instant to hit the air bar, you can peel it out slick as a whistle without touching the threads. When people see this trick they think it's PFM, but really it's easy. If you have any touch at all for burning metal you can do it the first time.

Great tip. I assume the molten metal comes straight back toward the torch so keep clear?

FWIW - For at least the last 30 years that has been dismissal material in workshops in Oz and even using an airline to dry or cool ones self off can get you sacked these days.


Dummy gearbox clutch aligning tools are a waste of time, just feel the outer edge of the clutch disc in relation to the outer edge of the pressure plate surface, usually the disc is just a few mm smaller and it's position is easily felt in the normal 3 gaps you can get to with your fingers and always smear a bit of WD40 etc. on the clutch splines and the gearbox input splines.

Quite right too. This was from 60 years ago...

on some cars (especially FWD ones) you can get to the clutch cover bolts even with the gearbox on the engine.. so you just attach the clutch cover lightly and adjust the clutch plate while installing the gearbox... then tighten the clutch cover.. works a treat when you have to change the clutch on a car without using a two post lift..

A verbal agreement form (from the Post Office).

I was working in a bank at the time, and we had a few, most of which I have forgotten. I do remember doing this one once, and at the end of the banking date (remember 3 PM closing?), when the Post Office blokes came down to bank the day's takings complaining bitterly that a couple of of their staff had spent an hour or more going through the storeroom looking for these forms ... they didn't know whether to complain, or to be envious that they had not thought of it first

Aluminium-spec magnet. The great thing about small towns is the parts places were usually kind enough to send the poor sucker on to the next parts shop.

I can't speak to the veracity of the story but I'll relay it anyway. Motorcycle course in Daytonna at MMI - first day of class the instructor tells the group "never do this" and spins up a ball bearing on his finger with the air line. Bearing promptly seized (or exploded...) and ripped his finger off.

I've seen a 6203 let go but no harm done except new undies for the person 'whizzing' it up.

For no reason other than I remember it and it was in a workshop, I fixed one of my slug guns at work one day, put a slug in it and shot a wall about 10 meters away and the slug bounced back and hit me smack in the middle of my forehead - and I thought you only see those things in the movies!

Interesting workshop that one, if you looked hard enough you could find a couple of Browning .50 cal machine guns amongst other things

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM3y9sqaK1M

That explains a lot. Just kidding.

Here in the USA, a slug gun is a shotgun adapted to fire a single lead or steel slug rather than multiple shot. I am thinking a slug gun must be something different over there.

It's true!


A slug gun as we call them or air rifle as others say uses a small hollowed lead pellet in the shape of an arrow head powered by a shot of compressed air.

An average one will sting the hell out of you maybe breaking skin and a good one will pass through your skin.

http://www.m-99.co.uk/Air_Guns/_22_Under_L..._air_rifle.html

Limited to 12 ft/lb in the UK unless you have a Firearms Certificate. Still got my 1950's .22 BSA Airsporter, plus a later one which is not nearly as nice mechanically or cosmetically.

The Child Bride said once "There's a small spider, or something, a black thing on the bathroom wall, opposite the door, can you get rid of it for me?" I got rid of it with filler, it was a pellet hole from when I'd zero'd the telescopic sight.

Yep, we call that an air rifle or pellet gun. Here, slug guns are generally 12 to 20 gauge and are used for larger game. Very lethal.

Certainly seen enough footage of that, never been game to try it myself though.

Perhaps you've never been drunk enough!

-A bucket of compression

Stopped into my buddy Dave's shop the other day... while I was there I asked if he had any good garage tips. He said, "Loose change can often be found under seat cushions and floor mats, but don't eat the french fries."

You've been in a particularly jovial mood for the last few posts Mr McGuire - does the onset of fall bring you pleasure? It does me...

This one is more of a practical joke story...

Many years ago when I was still an apprentice we had a storeman who was a cranky old bloke, short, and with a short temper.
He rode an old Honda 90 to work; not a step-thru, the conventional style bike with the horizontal cylinder and no downtubes.
Because he was so short he would kickstart it while it was on its centrestand then with some effort swing a leg over and ride off.
A couple of the other apprentices (and I swear innocence here) got thinking and ran some very very fine fuse wire from the spark plug up over the seat - at what you might call the testicular region - and back to the plug.
At knock off time we stood around the car park nonchalantly awaiting the show. He started the engine, swung the leg over and appeared to bounce violently off the seat bellowing like a bull. He spotted us watching him, grinning like idiots, and put two and two together before he even touched down. He came after us and I'm sure if he had caught us would have torn us limb from limb, and even though he was probably 40 years older than us we were genuinely scared for our lives..

Compression only comes in a can - impossible to keep the stuff in a bucket.

You get turn-signal fluid in a bucket if you're buying bulk.

One of my workshops did a lot of work for a large used car company doing Roadworthy Certificates for trade ins and this was actually not a bad lurk in Oz as the $2 coin is quite small in diameter but thick and heavy - easily finding their way out of pockets and down into the seats and some of the small wells made by seat bolt mountings. Often paid for a Friday night beer. One of the Cleaners at the car yard found a couple of thousand dollars under a spare wheel once, not a good feeling that I had worked on the car earlier and missed it - bastard!

The yard would bring a smoking car in for an engine re-ring and a nice new tub of oil could usually be found in the boot (trunk) that the previous owner had been using for their oil guzzler (often why they wanted to get rid of it).




Getting laid does it for me regardless of weather

I'm always jovial, just doesn't seem like it when I am arguing with jackasses... you have to read between the lines a bit.

Not If you are an young (non English speaking to know the meaning of the term) apprentice and the chief mechanic hands you a metal bucket and sends you to the fuel and oil depot to have it topped with compression, while all other mechanics are pretending to work with stone expression on their faces

Was a popular trick in the hangars of a local air club where pupils from high schools joined courses for light aircraft mechanics. They didn't try it on me though because I was from specialized English language school.

So that's why you're such a miserable bastard!