So, there I was, looking for Chrimbo prezzies in a strange shop somewhere near Festive Road. Ignoring the bizarre costumes I had a rummage in a box of seemingly old junk. There was something that looked a little interesting; a small gold-coloured lamp, which I obtained for the exchange of a crisp fiver. Taking it home to wrap I decided to have a quick polish. Then I cleaned up the lamp.
To my utter astonishment fog poured from the spout and a big blue spirit coalesced from the swirling mass of air. And with a thunderous voice It addressed me.
"Blimey! You took your time, didn't you? OK, standard spiel, you have three wishes, in 1264 prices. That makes...hm, check for inflation...er, zero wishes. Bad luck."
I was almost stunned into silence but managed to get something out. Then the Saturdays left and I put it back. And answered.
"Hang on, I provided a service to you. A temporary release. That means we have a contract." (Not really, but law is the art of bluff.) "So you could at least grant one wish."
"Yes, I could, if I am in the mood. Stick some Glenn Miller on. There you go."
"OK, I would like a million more wishes."
"Ah-ha, you don't get me that way. The standard Genie Contract has exclusion clauses that will make your bottom weep. No, you get just the one. And I get to choose the parameters. Tell you what," It said, glancing around the librarinth that passes for my home, "you seem to have an interest in automotive competition. God knows why, just a bunch of egotistical tossers driving around in circles. Still, I shall grant you a career. And, what's more, a successful one."
"Wow! Like Schumacher?"
"No, not like Schumacher, you have to sign a pact with Beelzebub for that one." It shuddered. "No, I can provide the whimsical, semi-useful careers. You know, the ABC careers."
"ABCD?"
"ABCD. Alesi-Brundle-Cheever-Dale Junior."
I was totally lost.
"I'll give you a choice. Three careers. One, where you have a good living from Formula 1. You are never a superstar, but you have your fans. What's more, you get to win a Grand Prix. Just the one, mind, but that's the next best thing to a title. You can have a dozen years at the top level, but you only get to stand on the top step once. A Jean Alesi career."
"OK, that's the Alesi one, but Brundle? He never won a Grand Prix."
"No, he did not, but got a good living from it. However, he did win a world championship. OK, in sportscars, but at the time it was quite important. And he won Le Mans. That's the secod choice; you win the biggest race in Europe. And it's better than a Grand Prix, surely? It lasts sixteen times as long. I'll throw in a world title too. So, Le Mans and a championship. A Martin Brundle career."
"Right, tricky. And Cheever?"
"OK. No Grand Prix wins. You might come close a couple of times, but you will stop short. No sportscar titles either. Instead, I will give you the biggest race on earth. The Indianapolis 500."
"Nobody really cares about it though."
"Oh really? It was great once, it could be great again. It is still legendary. Foyt, Unser and so on. People will remember Mark Donohue more than they will remember Peter Gethin. On the cosmic scale of things. Plus you get all that American totty. And a nice glass of milk. Mmm."
"Mars Bar flavoured?"
"Whatever you like. That's the Eddie Cheever career. One major win in your career, but perhaps the biggest of all. The 500."
"But the Daytona 500 might be a bigger race..."
"That's the D choice. Dale Junior. Dale Jarrett. Whatever, you might have to change your name to Dale. Or maybe Derrike. Or DeWayne. That's the winning the Daytona 500. Nothing else, mind. No NASCAR domination like Dale Senior. Anyway, who cares about the poxy title? It's rigged. If the roof floats your boat, you can have that one instead."
"OK, I need to consult on this with people who know motor sport. People who know everything about it, inside out, and have cogently reasoned views and opinions on the sport. They are bound to assist me with this choice."
They were all on holiday, so I'd like to ask you...
...given the choice of one of the above, which would you choose?