Socratic Dialog with an Anti-Shumie

GB: Your charming host, and naive MS fan.
A: A conglomeration of the local anti-'s, call him DangerCrew, or MP4/Hare?, or Frans Nomates.
______________

GB: Why is Ferrari faster than McLaren, Williams, and the rest in 2001?
A: It's simple, they are cheating, with the aid of the FIA.

GB: Gosh, how can you be so sure.
A: Well there is lots of proof, for starters there are the lap times.

GB: The Ferrari does seem faster.
A: Yes much faster, the better part of a second per lap in qualifying.

GB: Doesn't that happen every season for at least the first few races?
A: No, it's only happened once before in 1998. And in 1996 and 1997. Ok also 1999. Last year as well. It's pretty rare.

GB: I see.
A: What's most obvious is their speed out of corners, and lack of wheelspin.

GB: The Ferrari does seem faster.
A: Yes, HHF confirmed he couldn't get around them and their engines had a strange "backfire" sound to them on acceleration.

GB: HHF was trying to pass a Ferrari? I missed that.
A: No, it was a Sauber. They have the Ferrari engines and gearboxes.

GB: The 2000 versions right?
A: Yep.

GB: The 2000 Ferrari wasn't a second faster in qualifying than the McLaren.
A: True, but the system wasn't perfected in 2000, until the last four races. MS got 4 poles and 4 wins.

GB: I seem to remember MS getting caught by MH in Indy until his engine blew, and MS behind and losing time to MH in Japan until it started raining. He was being caught by Coultard in Malaysia. Was his car really faster in those 4 races?
A: Well it wasn't perfected, you could see it kick in when the rain started in Japan, Mika lost all sorts of time to MS. It's in the rain that TC is so evident.

GB: But 2001 qualifying has been dry.
A: TC also makes you much faster when it's dry.

GB: But Japan...
A: It wasn't perfected yet in Japan. It worked in the wet in 2000.

GB: MS seems to have caught MH and DC a number of times in the past 3 years when it rained as well. I though he was just a better rain driver.
A: That's what they want you to think! It's all been TC.

GB: MS used TC prior to 2000?
A: Yes. I know for a fact that MS had TC at Monaco in 1997. I could see his lack of wheel spin and heard strange engine oscillations at that race.

GB: Wow, he's been cheating all along then.
A: Yes, it's quite sad. Bernie and the FIA want MS to win, it's good for business, so they let them cheat.

GB: But MS didn't win in 1997-1999.
A: Well he would have if Bernie had his way.

GB: I though Bernie always had his way?
A: Almost always, but the Williams and McLaren teams have been too good technically for Ferrari to beat, even with cheats on MS car.

GB: Let me see if I understand what you are saying. MS has had TC in his car since 1997?
A: Yep, McLaren has tapes of the engine noise, it's basically what HHF heard.

GB: Ferrari has slowly been perfecting this cheat for the past 5 years.
A: Yes. You can tell the races it worked best at because then MS was leading.

GB; Now it's perfect and Ferrari is faster than the field.
A: Clearly faster.

GB: Sauber and Prost have the Ferrari cheat as well?
A: The 2000 version.

GB: They didn't look very quick in the rain.
A: Ferrari probably didn't give them the full system.

GB: Ferrari gave them a system that made funny noises and helped acceleration out of corners, but didn't work well in the rain?
A: Yes, the 2000 version.

GB: I thought the 2000 version, and earlier versions going back to 1997 worked best in the wet.
A: Only on the Schumacher car.

GB: So Ferrari gave Sauber and Prost a version that sounds funny and would raise immediate suspicions, but doesn't work as well as their 1997 version.
A: Exactly.

GB: Good plan.
A: They are very clever.

GB: Can anything be done to save the sport?
A: Sort of, all the teams will start using TC at Spain

GB: So the playing field will be level for the first time since 1996.
A: Yes.

GB: So we should see really close races between the top 4 or 5 teams again.
A: Yep, just like in 1996.

GB: 1996. Now those we the good old days, great team vs team racing.
A: Yes it was great. Williams in a landslide. Clever Brits.

GB: But I'm worried. What if Ferrari cheats again?
A: Well, they probably will. You'll know they are cheating if MS keeps winning races.

GB: And if MS doesn't keep winning we'll know he had been cheating.
A: Exactly. Spain will make it all clear. If McLaren or Williams is far at the head of the field then all is well in F1 and no one is cheating. If Ferrari is in front, just blame Bernie.

GB: It's so simple I don't know how I missed it. Thank you.
A: Quite welcome.

So true, so true.

LMFAO


That was too good, even better than FransMSH and his green wheels.

Very amusing...;)

Good stuff

lol

Georgie:

How long did it take you to do that????

BARnone.

Best I´ve read for a long time:lol:

amazing.... bloody amazing...

Are you sure you didn't plagiarize them?

That was sad, but true.

Good post. The paraphrasing of the anti-MS/FIA-Ferrari conspiracy theories was actually done pretty respectfully considering the point you are trying to make. I would like to see the other side of the "argument" compose something as witty and on point in response.

Damn good GB !!! I couldn't stop laughing when reading it. Spot on

;)

I'm visualizing this performed by John Cleese and (the late) Graham Chapman...

I'm definitely not a Schumi fan, but still, that was DAMN funny!!

Damn, that's confused me.

I'm not sure if I should be laughing or if I should be insulted...probably both.

Thanks everyone, I'm glad you guys found it amusing. I find myself getting worked up here too often and tried to channel my energy for good, not evil.

BARnone, it took about an hour, and most of that was due to my sad state of typing. Plus I took a leak at some point. That helped to focus my muse.

Uncle Davey, I am truly flattered by your comment. The Monty Python meter (gate, rhythm???) is indelibly stamped onto my synapses. Plus they are the source of most of my knowledge of Medieval England and the birth of Christianity.

I have been dealing with this sort of ludicrous statements all day, I almost died when I read this!!!!!!

Thanks, I needed a good laugh after so much closemindedness all day.

Me with some Ferrari fans:

MT: Hi, I am not a Ferrari fan.
F: What a pathetic sad existence you must live.

MT: But why? My team, McLaren, is in my mind one of the greatest F1 teams, if not THE greatest.
F: What pathetic flamebait. Did your father molest you when you were a kid? I doubt your mentality.
F2:
F3: . good one F!
F4: You showed him F!

MT: Ok. Now you are starting to piss me off.
F: What a hypocrite! He accuses us of insulting him while he dares say that we piss him off! I am not going to lose any more time with you in your current state of mind.
F2: That put him in his place.
F3: F:up:

MT: Agh! Shouldn't we discuss F1 instead of me?
F: Yes, isn't that what we do now? Jeez! What an idiot!
F2: Good one F.
F3: Hahaha. What an idiot!

with some Schumie fans:

MT: Schumie has the best car for two years now. 2000 and 2001.
S: (Hopes in his flameproof suit)

MT: What?
S: You are just posting crap.

MT: Why?
S: Because everyone knows that MS put his 96 tank on pole, blah blah... and in 97 his rivals were so pathetic that he almost won with a semi tank blah blah... and then 98... blah blah... blah blah blah...
In short, MS didn't have the best car the other years. What makes you think he suddenly started having the best in 2000? It is clear to all people except you biased McFans that MS doesn't like driving best cars.

MT: Fine. Anyway, I hope my fave, Mika can win some races this year.
S: Stop whinning you pussie. Did you see how Mika is pathetic in the wet? He doesn't deserve a F1 seat anyway.

MT: Don't forget to mention "Newey Passenger" .
S: How can I forget. That's the only reason Schumie isn't 10x WDC. Did you see my signature about Schumie being the only one who can beat the nigh-invincible Newey?

MT: But I thought Newey had screwed up on a couple occasions. And when he screws up, it's pretty bad...
S: Nonsense. That's brainless Hill and Hakkinen blind fan talk. Hill is the world's most pathetic driver and Hakkinen is a drunk.

MT: So, Schumie is the best there is. I do agree with that, but I also believe that he can be beaten on occasion.
S: dUh! Of course he can! We are not as blind as you to not see that. He gets beaten by Newey, doesn't he?

MT: No, I meant by a driver...
S: Flamebait! Flamebait!
S2: What a bullshit post.
S3: Good ones S and S2.
S4: S and S2

MT: Why does your god chop other drivers?
S: He doesn't chop. Plain and simple. He only defends his position.
S2: But when Coulthard did it to Schumi he was a freaking hypocrite for chopping.

Max!

MSHaters vs MSFans - much like DH vs MS - difference in level is evident

Nice work.
I tried to write up a dialog between George Bailey's A and Max Torque's F-F4 and S-S4, but I realised that, before the first question was even asked, All of them started to beat up some poor guy who slightly resembles villeneuve.

Afterwards, they continued to beat up each other ;)

Max



So true, so true

Vet - soooo truueeee, when McLaren fans and Schumacher fans are done crapping on each other, they become buddies when it comes to attacking JV.....I thought I was the only one who noticed!!!!!

Originally posted by Vetinary
before the first question was even asked, all of them started to beat up some poor guy who slightly resembles Villeneuve.

Wow, this thread is like a microcosm of Readers' Comments...

Originally posted by 130R
Max!

Isn't applauding pathetic posts by others what Max was complaining about?

gray_cat,

We aren't THAT much better than them!

Todd, true to his nature, returns with another jewel of a post. Not insulting anyone, as always.
I think he was bothered because he recognised hisself in one of the S personas (or even F)...

Originally posted by Todd


Isn't applauding pathetic posts by others what Max was complaining about?

I don't know where you got this idea, but I was only complaining about applauding insulting posts, not pathetic posts as I am not in the habbit of judging others.

Hey Max,


In your interview with the Shumilover you forgot to ask him about Shumi being 1.5 secs. faster than the rest, and about his teammates.

Anyway, funny stuff George Baily (this is coming from a real Anti, so take it a s a compliment)

Max & George,

Good stuff, and very on point in both cases. This is a refreshing thread that reminds me that what we are doing here is really just for fun afterall. I am neither a Schumilover nor a Ferarri hater, I'm just an F1 fan and this thread made me smile, which is what it's all about, I think.

Cheers,
RJL

good work by all involved

Max, I think you may have outdone George. I can identify with EVERYTHING you wrote. I think both of you described some posters on this BB to a tee - very funny!

The original post in this thread by George, while very witty, is also lacking in the logical validity department that a philosophical dialog would have to adhere too.

What I'd like to know is: why was I included in the Anti group? Geezzz, the Schummy supporters are fast becoming a fascist group... One little comment against their idol and one is labeled anti-schumacher forever

JPM,

By now you should know.....Shumilovers are touchy

Sorry JPMCrew, I was trying to remember some poster's names off the top of my head and had just read some of your work, no real offense intended. I have always greatly respected your input.

stupid shumie hating moron


Max, good stuff. Sorry to hear the part about your Dad though.

George, thanks, your post was funny as hell!
Sorry for sort of invading your thread.
Thanks to the others too.

Mr. George Bailey great post! Very funny. Good to see that there are other ways of getting a point accross without insults or improper comments. Humour is always a great alternative. Especially witty humour.

Good work too Max. ( even though I disagree );)

George Bailey-
brilliantly funny....yet so true!

Gb

fantastic

you been keeping a copy of all the posts with the anti's

Just think. Without Socrates, none of this thread (and a good many other things) would have been possible!

"I am not worthy!"

ROTFLMAO! Outstanding, George!

We're all honored to witness the emergence of a worthy
competitor to Mr. Bolshevik

but it was 1993 ( last season where TC was allowed... , but somehow, MS didn't knew that....;) )

and MS didn't win 1996 untill 2000 because God DOES excist!

very funny indeed.;)

This is how I like this BB...Lot of humor!

Where are Socrates' counterarguments? He didn't get his reputation just by playing along. You are yet to crack the opposition, GB.

The pro vs anti arguments are a waste of time and boring to read. I've become so saturated in the black and white debate that neither GB's nor MT's effort here managed to make me laugh.

For some reason I have a vision of John Cleese and Eric Idle doing that routine.

Michael Schumacher Fans X Schumi Fiends. What a fight!

I imagine what this place would look like in the 80's:
AS Fan x Prost Fans x Piquet Fans x Mansell Fans x McLaren's Cheats people x Honda engine haters x Gordon Murray supporters x Turbo fans x anyone-but-AS supporters x ...

Originally posted by coyoteBR
Michael Schumacher Fans X Schumi Fiends. What a fight!

I imagine what this place would look like in the 80's:
AS Fan x Prost Fans x Piquet Fans x Mansell Fans x McLaren's Cheats people x Honda engine haters x Gordon Murray supporters x Turbo fans x anyone-but-AS supporters x ...

Ahhh....the days of newsgroups!! Not the instant gratification, but believe me...... the same things were going on, very very similar to what we have know, just no binaries, or cute avatars!!!

Bruce,

It isn't surprising that you were the only one of the three satirists that needed to park the truth at the curb. I'm curious though, why do you claim Jos Verstappen's Benetton didn't have the same engine management software that Michael Schumacher's did? Its fascinating. You've been obsessed with Schumacher for several years, but you don't even know the central facts surrounding your compulsion. How on earth would you know that Jos didn't have the same software? Do you even know why you don't know?

Anti-Schumacher = ignorant, lying, urinary tract parasite.

by Bruce:
Somehow I'll bet that this doesn't meet with the same delerious approval that yours did, George.

You're right. But that's just because yours is long, tasteless, boring shite.