Atomic Land Torpedo Row
Posted 16 April 2009 - 15:51
"These rockets are doing just the opposite," said Red Bull Racing's Adrian Newey in an interview with ROOTERS. He explained that "Drivers are reticent to pass a car when they are going to get blown up by a guided missile. Besides, according to section 11.1.1 a car should only have one braking system other than KERS and these rockets slow the car a little bit when they are launched. But now that they have been deemed legal, we will work night and day to make the most deadly rockets imaginable."
Ferrari team principal Stefano Domenicali has been outspoken in his opposition to the torpedoes, "These rockets clearly can't be legal since we didn't think of them first! I guess we're forced to add them now, even though it will cost us $30M to figure out the right shade of red to paint them."
Many drivers in the Grand Prix Drivers' Association have also come out against the torpedoes. According to Renault driver, and former World Champion Fernando Alonso, the torpedoes are "stupid and just make drivers look bad. It's hard to look cool when you're being blown up...not to mention the fact that [rockets] make our jobs unnecessarily dangerous and you could actually get hurt out here racing cars at 300km/h with a rocket chasing you." When ROOTERS was finally able to locate the rock that former World Champion Jacques Villeneuve is hiding under in the wilds of northern Ontario, Canada, the outspoken driver said, "Gosh...the F1 drivers these days are a bunch of wusses. If they could just get their panties unbunched maybe they'd realize that cars blowing up and crashing are great fun. That's why I'm in NASCAR now...sort of."
Brawn GP has consistently defended their rockets as not being specifically banned by any of the rules and regulations. Further, in an interview made up by Newds of the Wurld, team principle Ross Brawn cackled, "I told them so. Well, I didn't tell them so exactly, but I did tell them they should let me write the regulations. They ignored me, and now they are paying. Do you know how much it costs to glue all that carbon fiber back together after one of our rockets blows up a car? Muhahahahahahaha!"
Posted 16 April 2009 - 15:55
Posted 16 April 2009 - 16:05
Posted 17 April 2009 - 02:25