Jump to content


Photo

BMW drivers


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 kayemod

kayemod
  • Member

  • 9,576 posts
  • Joined: August 05

Posted 11 February 2011 - 14:37

This thread is Blood Pressure Mk2, so feel free to delete TW, once some of us have had a cheap laugh.

"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!"

I've never owned a BMW, my Dad used to have them, but I never liked any of them much. I came quite close to buying an E30 M3 once, but don't think anything else they've ever made would tempt me. OK, so I'm irrationally prejudiced against the things, which is why I posted this.

Edited by kayemod, 11 February 2011 - 14:54.


Advertisement

#2 Vitesse2

Vitesse2
  • Administrator

  • 41,780 posts
  • Joined: April 01

Posted 11 February 2011 - 14:48

Ah - Bimmers! The ones with radar that allows them to travel faster than anything else in thick fog - without lights as well!

#3 scags

scags
  • Member

  • 405 posts
  • Joined: February 03

Posted 11 February 2011 - 14:58

?. Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW
A.Porcupines have the pricks on the outside.

#4 arttidesco

arttidesco
  • Member

  • 6,709 posts
  • Joined: April 10

Posted 11 February 2011 - 16:40

My favourite BMW story is when Baby Schumi switched from Williams BMW to Toyota, got his his new Tundra home or what ever his new company car was and promptly reversed it into the garage wall because his new Toyota didn't have reversing radar and of course being an ex BMW driver he was presumably to stupid to look where he was going :rotfl: I hope I do not find I have been thrown off next time I try and log in to TNF :up:

#5 Frank de Jong

Frank de Jong
  • Member

  • 1,830 posts
  • Joined: February 01

Posted 11 February 2011 - 16:54

Is this really a TNF subject or did you just go to the wrong forum?

Frank
BMW E92 - a fantastic car

BTW if you want to have a laugh: when my car was 3 days old, some people who probably couldn't afford such a nice car made 2 scratches from the front to the rear on both sides...

Edited by Frank de Jong, 11 February 2011 - 17:03.


#6 Rob Miller

Rob Miller
  • Member

  • 377 posts
  • Joined: October 04

Posted 11 February 2011 - 17:02

My sister informs me that in South Africa, new BMW's come with a special Road Rules book in the glove box explaining how they are different for BMW drivers.

#7 Nordic

Nordic
  • Member

  • 278 posts
  • Joined: September 02

Posted 11 February 2011 - 18:16

Sounds like a Clarkson rant, based on tosh and intended to be funny.

just comes across as sad now



#8 Fivestripes

Fivestripes
  • Member

  • 70 posts
  • Joined: December 09

Posted 11 February 2011 - 19:38

?. Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW
A.Porcupines have the pricks on the outside.

thought they were all driving audis now.................................................

#9 longhorn

longhorn
  • Member

  • 173 posts
  • Joined: July 09

Posted 11 February 2011 - 23:21

At the risk of repeating myself, the cars do have a mind of their own and it takes a particularly adept driver to restrain them. Fortunately, over the years, I have managed to do so with some success, but, every once in a while, usually whilst preoccupied gazing at the stunner in the car I'm passing, mobile in one hand, Big Mac in the other, it will take the next slip road regardless of what's already in the slow (non BMW) lane. Without signalling of course. But these moments are less frequent these days and the inferior cars will always acknowledge us by turning on their headlamps or sounding their hooters. I imagine it must be a modern equivalent of cap docking.

#10 scags

scags
  • Member

  • 405 posts
  • Joined: February 03

Posted 12 February 2011 - 15:53

thought they were all driving audis now.................................................

My soon to be Ex wife has mine.


#11 Hieronymus

Hieronymus
  • Member

  • 2,032 posts
  • Joined: May 02

Posted 12 February 2011 - 16:53

My sister informs me that in South Africa, new BMW's come with a special Road Rules book in the glove box explaining how they are different for BMW drivers.


What road rules??

#12 longhorn

longhorn
  • Member

  • 173 posts
  • Joined: July 09

Posted 13 February 2011 - 09:38

What road rules??



Exactly. I'm sure you'll find that we're exempt.

#13 Ray Bell

Ray Bell
  • Member

  • 80,066 posts
  • Joined: December 99

Posted 13 February 2011 - 09:44

And then there are X5 owners and drivers...

I have no end of respect for them.

#14 baz

baz
  • Member

  • 55 posts
  • Joined: December 10

Posted 13 February 2011 - 09:54

Hey come on guys, I like my E34 535is and I behave myself.........most of the time.

#15 Hieronymus

Hieronymus
  • Member

  • 2,032 posts
  • Joined: May 02

Posted 13 February 2011 - 11:16

Exactly. I'm sure you'll find that we're exempt.


No, the only groups in South Africa which have carte blanche are taxi drivers and bling-bling politicians (with BMWs!!). I am sure that another group challenging for this honour is the tow-truck vultures.




#16 longhorn

longhorn
  • Member

  • 173 posts
  • Joined: July 09

Posted 13 February 2011 - 12:16

Hey come on guys, I like my E34 535is and I behave myself.........most of the time.



So long as you only cause the occasional sharp intake of breath and uttering of an expletive, then I think that is quite acceptable...........

Wouldn't life just be so boring otherwise?

#17 Vitesse2

Vitesse2
  • Administrator

  • 41,780 posts
  • Joined: April 01

Posted 19 February 2011 - 12:10

BMW bikes come with optional extras too: this guy has fitted an automatic garage door opener to his 800S.

#18 ExFlagMan

ExFlagMan
  • Member

  • 5,726 posts
  • Joined: January 10

Posted 19 February 2011 - 18:14

BMW bikes come with optional extras too: this guy has fitted an automatic garage door opener to his 800S.

I have always assumed that indicators where a very expensive optional extra on BMW cars, which is why most drivers are forced to utilise the horn/headlights.

#19 kayemod

kayemod
  • Member

  • 9,576 posts
  • Joined: August 05

Posted 19 February 2011 - 18:56

I have always assumed that indicators where a very expensive optional extra on BMW cars, which is why most drivers are forced to utilise the horn/headlights.



After seeing one or two early humourless posts in this thread, I was almost beginning to regret starting it, but I'm pleased to see that most are treating it in the light-hearted way it was intended. Every country must have a group with the reputation of BMW drivers in the UK. In Germany it would be Mercedes drivers, you can buy books of cartoons with that title at Autobahn service areas, maybe the French have something similar about 2CV drivers, and the Russians about Ladas.