94 replies to this topic

[Bauble]

LOST, STOLEN OR STRAYED.

Well I was desperate for p, but could not find one anywhere.

I believe that to win a coconut one normally needs wooden balls! How many of you lot have a chance of winning?

Based on the contributions thus far, I don't see Dogearred having to supply a Continental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DogEarred]

LOST, STOLEN OR STRAYED.

Well I was desperate for p, but could not find one anywhere.

I believe that to win a coconut one normally needs wooden balls! How many of you lot have a chance of winning?

Based on the contributions thus far, I don't see Dogearred having to supply a Continental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Bubble,

It is the onion of all your friends here at TNF and that in your own interests, we are booking you into the Betty Ford Clinic (Coconut Addiction Ward).

They will take care of you from now on.

I will send the Continental round later to pick you up.

We will come and visit you sometimes to check on your progress, cheer you up with whitty jokes and bring you grapes and Bounty Bars (with the insides spooned out of course...)

Good luck with the cold turkey, Sir!...

[Bauble]

Or was it an additional "i," and the photo portrays Bauble's aversion to onions?

One letter P. If found, please return to Mr Bauble of Luton, who will be so grateful he'll let you stroke his coconut.

And I don't want no oinions either!

One small slip for man, one giant mickey take for mankind

Fly me to the moon and let me play amongst the stars ...................... of TNF.

[Bauble]

Dear Uncle Dogearred,
Many thanks for your kindness, I have not been so touched since a policeman offered me a cup of tea from his thermos flask in 1956. I was ensconced in a bicycle cape out side Silverstone along with another denizen of TNF waiting for Monty Whitecap to come and open the gates. It was very early in the morning and I and my companion had ridden overnight from North London to Northampton to witness a bonanza of speed on the famous speedway, and were using our capes to ward of the chill morning air when the local plod shared his refreshment with us. Such kindness is rare, and I am pleased that you have taken the trouble to care for your fellow man. Charity is not yet dead, although I may well be, I am currently awaiting news from my doctor as to my earthly condition.
Should the result prove negative, you may well be spared the expense of the Henry Ford Sanitorium, or was it the Betty Grable Hospice, I can't remember.

I salute you dear friend, and may the power of the great unwashed be with you always.

Bible.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts"

Edited by Bauble, 16 June 2011 - 08:29.

[DogEarred]

Dear Uncle Dogearred,
Many thanks for your kindness, I have not been so touched since a policeman offered me a cup of tea from his thermos flask in 1956. I was ensconced in a bicycle cape out side Silverstone along with another denizen of TNF waiting for Monty Whitecap to come and open the gates. It was very early in the morning and I and my companion had ridden overnight from North London to Northampton to witness a bonanza of speed on the famous speedway, and were using our capes to ward of the chill morning air when the local plod shared his refreshment with us. Such kindness is rare, and I am pleased that you have taken the trouble to care for your fellow man. Charity is not yet dead, although I may well be, I am currently awaiting news from my doctor as to my earthly condition.
Should the result prove negative, you may well be spared the expense of the Henry Ford Sanitorium, or was it the Betty Grable Hospice, I can't remember.

I salute you dear friend, and may the power of the great unwashed be with you always.

Bible.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts"

Dear Bauble,

Thank you so much for the buttering up but I'm afraid when it comes to awarding the Best Caption Coconut, it will be Cheryl Cole doing the intellectual stuff and choosing the winner (Pet). - Not me

1956 at Silverstone. I guess this was the last time we saw a policeman on the streets...

Your physical efforts to go and watch racing are admirable. In my case I resorted to the omnibus and stealth.
I first watched racing at Brands hatch in 1968. I would take the London Transport Greenline 719 bus from NW London to Wrotham, which stopped at the track gates. Very convenient.
But at the big meetings, coming home could be a nightmare when hundreds of people were queuing for the once per hour service to Swanley Station & London. The bus only took 40 odd passengers. So we sometimes had to wait 2 or 3 hours to get on.
One day a thought struck me - the previous stop was at West Kingsdown village. So with nothing to lose, I walked back up the hill and found an almost empty bus stop! From then on this was my routine and I would look down smuggly at those poor frozen bods queueing in hope of getting home before Sunday Night at the London Palladium...

Best wishes

"I've got a luvverly bunch of Bentley Continentals"...

Dogearred the Unwashed

[Bauble]

Dear Tattymuttlugs,
Memories, memories, it sounds quite dashing today when we look back at early trips to motor races, pre biking days we to would travel from Barnet to Brands Hatch by public transport. Tube from High Barnet, overland from Clapham Common to Swanley Junction (and the terriffying porter with the hare lip), then omnibus to the circuit, however, as we usually spent some time wandering round the paddock after the racing we never had too much trouble with bus's home.

First visit was Boxing Day 1953.

Never mind all that, let's get back to my coconut. Who is the Cherry Cone of whom you speak, is he an expert on caption competitions?

I think we shoud also be advised as to whether this Bentley is just a Dog's Continental Breakfast.

bauble

PS: How much more of this drivel do we have to stand?

[D-Type]

~
bauble

PS: How much more of this drivel do we have to stand?

Surely that depends on you

[DogEarred]

FYI Cheryl Cole is the wife of a gun-toting footballer. She has a stellar career of her own though as a well respected, world renowned judge of talent in the entertainment business. All done in an endearing Tyneside accent. We are lucky to have her.

Yes - agreed! Enough drivel! This is a serious competition.

Keep those high quality captions coming in..

[E1pix]

I believe that to win a coconut one normally needs wooden balls! How many of you lot have a chance of winning?

If found, please return to Mr Bauble of Luton, who will be so grateful he'll let you stroke his coconut.

Never mind all that, let's get back to my coconut.

And now, back to something completely different....

Edited by E1pix, 16 June 2011 - 16:28.

[Bauble]

FYI Cheryl Cole is the wife of a gun-toting footballer. She has a stellar career of her own though as a well respected, world renowned judge of talent in the entertainment business. All done in an endearing Tyneside accent. We are lucky to have her.

Yes - agreed! Enough drivel! This is a serious competition.

Keep those high quality captions coming in..

What's a footballer?

[DogEarred]

What's a footballer?

A footballer is, I believe, a gentleman who partakes in one of the following sports:-

Cricket
Tennis
Snooker
Bowls
Shinty
Golf
Darts
Billiards
Horse Jumping
Table Tennis
Gymnastics
Swimming (sychronised or otherwise)
Athletics
Football

(but not cycling..)

[Eric Dunsdon]

Dear Tattymuttlugs,
Memories, memories, it sounds quite dashing today when we look back at early trips to motor races, pre biking days we to would travel from Barnet to Brands Hatch by public transport. Tube from High Barnet, overland from Clapham Common to Swanley Junction (and the terriffying porter with the hare lip), then omnibus to the circuit, however, as we usually spent some time wandering round the paddock after the racing we never had too much trouble with bus's home.

First visit was Boxing Day 1953.


bauble

I didnt know that you went to Brands on Boxing Day 1953. I came with you the following year when they had the first Boxing Day race meeting and your pal Bwana Spence sang 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' when Stirling Moss demonstrated his new Mercedes 300SL.
And never mind catching the bus to Swanley, we walked it a couple of times!.

[Bauble]

I didnt know that you went to Brands on Boxing Day 1953. I came with you the following year when they had the first Boxing Day race meeting and your pal Bwana Spence sang 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' when Stirling Moss demonstrated his new Mercedes 300SL.
And never mind catching the bus to Swanley, we walked it a couple of times!.

Eric,
As a fully paid up member of the S.O.F club, I claim the right to be wrong, knowing that your superior memory will always correct my mistakes. Was it really 1956 when we got a cuppa from a copper?

I know we walked several times but I did not want to put young dog's ears to shame.

I.O.W Camper.

[Eric Dunsdon]

Eric,
As a fully paid up member of the S.O.F club, I claim the right to be wrong, knowing that your superior memory will always correct my mistakes. Was it really 1956 when we got a cuppa from a copper

Yes it was, but the man who toppled from his ancient upright bike after cycling down from Perth with a sack draped over his handlebars deserved it more than us kids who had merely sprinted up from High Barnet on our racers.

[Bauble]

Aftet that stroll down memory lane, perhaps, being the instigator of the diversion, I should attempt to bring the estimable Dogearred's competition back to the forefront of our minds, so;

"I say Jeremy, look what the Hamster's done to your entry in the Paris to Peking Intercontinental Rally!"

" I warned Lewis not to park in Bernie's spot."

""A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but Bentleys are a girls best friend."

"Clamp my car? I should coco - nuts to you mate."

And finally: "I declare bauble winner of the competition and hereby award him the Golden Coconut of 2011." Dogearred.

[DogEarred]

Aftet that stroll down memory lane, perhaps, being the instigator of the diversion, I should attempt to bring the estimable Dogearred's competition back to the forefront of our minds, so;

"I say Jeremy, look what the Hamster's done to your entry in the Paris to Peking Intercontinental Rally!"

" I warned Lewis not to park in Bernie's spot."

""A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but Bentleys are a girls best friend."

"Clamp my car? I should coco - nuts to you mate."

And finally: "I declare bauble winner of the competition and hereby award him the Golden Coconut of 2011." Dogearred.

Oh Bauble, Bauble, Bauble!

IF ONLY:-




Eddie Merckx had had your cycling talent..
Capt. Scott had had your endurance..
Viscount Montgomery had had your tenaciousness..
Orson Welles had had your oratory ability..
Ghengis Khan had had your ferociousness..
Alistair Campbell had had your low cunning..
Tony Blair had had your humility..
Sir Winston Churchill had had your statesmanship..
Albert Einstein had had your analytical nouse..
William Shakespeare had had your caption writing ability..

THE WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREATER PLACE!


Here's a snap of the trophy cabinet, just to keep you interested...





Wishing you a very happy birthday, Sir!

[Bauble]

[quote name='DogEarred' date='Jun 19 2011, 17:36' post='5117515']
Oh Bauble, Bauble, Bauble!

IF ONLY:-




Eddie Merckx had had your cycling talent..
Capt. Scott had had your endurance..
Viscount Montgomery had had your tenaciousness..
Orson Welles had had your oratory ability..
Ghengis Khan had had your ferociousness..
Alistair Campbell had had your low cunning..
Tony Blair had had your humility..
Sir Winston Churchill had had your statesmanship..
Albert Einstein had had your analytical nouse..
William Shakespeare had had your caption writing ability..

And if I only had your coconut


THE WORLD WOULD BE A GREATER PLACE!


Here's a snap of the trophy cabinet, just to keep you interested...





Wishing you a very happy birthday, Sir!

Dear Dodgyears

While I fully appreciate your sense of humour (and wish more people shared it) and your birthday wishes, I am beginning to have serious doubts about this whole coconut charade.

It is quite clear that my whitty and apposite captions are FAR superior to any of the other efforts, worthy though they may be, and that the prize is rightly mine, however, you still shilly shally on delivery. I am minded to view the whole thing as a major scam, and will consider forwarding a file to the DPP.

I have little doubt that the Fraud Squad is launching an investigation, Her Majesties Revenue and Customs taking a close look at you accounts, and a major enquiry being initiated by the National Coconut Marketing Board.

Quite what action Bentley Motors might take is still to be discovered.

To avoid the unpleasant consequences of such proceedings I strongly recommend that you forward said husk express delivery - forthwith.

Apart from the foregoing, I hope this finds you well, and in good health and spirits.

Regards,

Bauble.

[DogEarred]

"To avoid the unpleasant consequences of such proceedings I strongly recommend that you forward said husk express delivery - forthwith."



Reading back over your 10 or so previous posts, am I beginning to detect the meerest hint, the teensy-weensyist, the tiniest of signs of impatience in you?

Can you not wait 2 more weeks, like everyone else has to?
Then if you should find yourself on the podium, spraying the Coconut juice over an adoring crowd; would not victory taste all the sweeter?


Just a quiet word concerning the threats ---- I know where you live ----- (Cloud Cuckooland..)

Yours fearfully

Anonymous

[Bauble]

Why wait? You know there will not be any better responses, so let's get it over with as quickly as possible, and move on to your next competition.

You know where I live? Goody, please let me know sometime soon, this bus shelter is awful draughty.

[DogEarred]

Do not on any account let on that I said so but I think Bauble has a point.
Entries have dried up a bit lately, so why don't we red flag it so we can all spend a bit more time cheering on Tim Henman at Wimbledon?..

I'll nip down the library and see if I can persuade Cheryl Cole away from her translations of ancient mythology from the original Greek, to do the judging later today.

Still time for last gasp entries though...

[DogEarred]

Unfortunately, Cheryl was unable to judge the competition after all. When we told her she was to process 20 captions, apparently she thought we were talking about an ancient brand of cigarettes…

We then hurriedly put together a panel of luminaries, royalty and experts.
And so the blokes down the pub have decided that the winner is……………………………………………

[DogEarred]

…………………………..Bauble.

(The things I do to keep the peace.) The Coconut would be in the post to you already but I can’t get the damned stamp to stick to it…


AND IN A MAGNIFICENT ALMOST FIRST PLACE:-

UK6 – For all his brilliant entries!

He wins a cheque for $50,000 plus the Continental, plus dinner with Bauble. (At Bauble’s expense. Knowing him and this being a motor racing forum, it will probably be Meals on Wheels anyway..)

AND IN A FINE THIRD PLACE:-

Garyfrogeye – Who wins – yes, you’ve guessed it – 2 dinners with Bauble!



Special mentions to Arttidesco, Ray Bell, El Dougo, ExFlagMan, & Allan Lupton

And thanks to EVERYONE.

Now, tea break over……..

[Bauble]

Come now Doggy, you must admit - it was a pretty boring picture to start with.

[D-Type]

Now the fun and games areover, can I ask what the picture actually depicts?

[DogEarred]

Now the fun and games areover, can I ask what the picture actually depicts?

I'd guess brucemoxon's caption is most factually correct.

I came across it one morning nearby a square which was in preparation for a festival. The car has no plates and would be for display only.
It would have been delivered on a truck and lowered onto what ever those contraptions are.

Wouldn't do to have a Bentley shown with mud on the tyres, old chap!

[E1pix]

Hey, C'Mon, I don't even get an Honorable Mention???!!!

Bauble and DogEarred.... you two are a riot to read! When will we expect to view your "Dog Bauble Comedy Hour?"

[Bauble]

Hey, C'Mon, I don't even get an Honorable Mention???!!!

Bauble and DogEarred.... you two are a riot to read! When will we expect to view your "Dog Bauble Comedy Hour?"

EP Mate, have you not noticed that to win these things you have to make a lot of fuss, so that the organiser is driven to declare you the winner, just to get a little peace?

I thought there were a number of clever answers, probably better than mine, but poor old Doggylugs had little option but to declare ME the winner, due to my insistence on winning the coconut. I know, I know, it's not very sporting, but in this forum you have to be ruthless to get ahead. Anyway if you can't even spell 'honourable' how can you expect a mention. We ain't Yanks here!

I think it worth mentioning that I have yet to see the much vaunted coconut, and to be frank have little hope of doing so. A bit of a rogue that Caninelugged chap.

PS: Yes I agree definitely soft focus.

[DogEarred]

[quote name='Bauble' date='Jun 21 2011, 21:25' post='5121023']
EP Mate, have you not noticed that to win these things you have to make a lot of fuss, so that the organiser is driven to declare you the winner, just to get a little peace?

I thought there were a number of clever answers, probably better than mine, but poor old Doggylugs had little option but to declare ME the winner, due to my insistence on winning the coconut. I know, I know, it's not very sporting, but in this forum you have to be ruthless to get ahead. Anyway if you can't even spell 'honourable' how can you expect a mention. We ain't Yanks here!

I think it worth mentioning that I have yet to see the much vaunted coconut, and to be frank have little hope of doing so. A bit of a rogue that Caninelugged chap.

PS: Yes I agree definitely soft focus.
[/quote




EPix1 - You and EVERYBODY deserve an honorable mention, just for following the developing high tension of this thread!

I've just commissioned a souvenir T-shirt for myself, imprinted with the slogan:-

"I took on Bauble - and lost"

Sorry if you can't understand me very well - I've got a piece of Coconut stuck in my teeth...

[E1pix]

Anyway if you can't even spell 'honourable' how can you expect a mention. We ain't Yanks here!

I think it worth mentioning that I have yet to see the much vaunted coconut, and to be frank have little hope of doing so. A bit of a rogue that Caninelugged chap.

Okay, Okay.... 'Honourable.' But that said, some of us over here wonder the exact moment that Mssr. Hobbs dropped the "r" in "Honder".... at the precise moment he bought his Honda dealership, perhaps???

You should insist on receiving said coconut.... by whatever means you've earned it.... sounds like DogEarred has already started consuming his Coconut milk Thai dish....

"I took on Bauble - and lost"

Sorry if you can't understand me very well - I've got a piece of Coconut stuck in my teeth...

SEE, SEE!!!! The man's eating your Trophy! This is patently unfavorable behavior.... Sorry, "unfavourable!"

[Andrew Fellowes]

Arriving at the Dogearred and Bauble Hunt Ball are Mr & Mrs Tleycontinental and their son Ben

I'm sorry, I'll read that again.




the glory days of Radio 4

Edited by Andrew Fellowes, 21 June 2011 - 23:47.

[Tim Murray]

Oh, go on then ...

'... and now here come Mr & Mrs Nutt and their hairy daughter Coco.'

[David McKinney]

And without wishing to lower the tone even further, there was of course Mr and Mrs Bates and their son Master Bates

[Glengavel]

Arriving at the Dogearred and Bauble Hunt Ball are Mr & Mrs Tleycontinental and their son Ben

I'm sorry, I'll read that again.




the glory days of Radio 4

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, surely?

Late arrivals at the motorists ball.

Mr and Mrs Axel and their rally-driving son, Bengt Axel.
Mr and Mrs Pass der Finishing-Post and their talentless son, Lars Pass der Finishing-Post
Mr and Mrs Bennet-How-Fast-Does-That-Go and their son Gordon...

[Glengavel]

Arriving at the Dogearred and Bauble Hunt Ball are Mr & Mrs Tleycontinental and their son Ben

I'm sorry, I'll read that again.




the glory days of Radio 4

ISIHAC, surely?

[Glengavel]

Fecking Internet Explorer...

[DogEarred]

Arriving at the Dogearred and Bauble Hunt Ball are Mr & Mrs Tleycontinental and their son Ben

I'm sorry, I'll read that again.




the glory days of Radio 4

Nice one Andrew,

Sounds like you may have stumbled across a long and hilarious (motor racing nostalgia themed) new thread.

I'm sure that non 'Clue' fans will pick it up as we go along. And it will also allow the handsome, new, young champion Bauble to give full throttle to his talents, too!..

"Please welcome Mr & Mrs Continental and their criminal son - bent Lee Continental..."

[DogEarred]

Looks like the early rising TNFers have beaten me to it! - Sharp, guys!..

[Tim Murray]

Mr & Mrs Uvver and their motor-mad son Carl

Mr & Mrs Lencer and their quiet son Cy

Mr & Mrs Singdriver and their quick son Ray

Mr & Mrs Ington and their son from the Midlands, Don

Mr & Mrs Bornpark and their son from Oz, Mel

Mr & Mrs Zuka and their daughter Sue

From Sweden, Mr & Mrs Torp and their son Anders

From the USA, Mr & Mrs Orr and their daughter, a great fan of the ‘500’, Indy Kate Orr.

[Bauble]

If you think I am going to waste my genius on such trivia, you have another think coming!

Bauble Banglsand.

PS; No relation to the Venerable Bede.

[DogEarred]

Okay, Okay.... 'Honourable.' But that said, some of us over here wonder the exact moment that Mssr. Hobbs dropped the "r" in "Honder".... at the precise moment he bought his Honda dealership, perhaps???


'ere, E1Pix, me old mucker,
Gor blimey, that Mr. 'obbs, 'e can't speak the Queen's Ingerlish. Luv a duck, he still ain't got it right. The geezers round my part of Ingerland says the correct pronunciation is 'onda. Innit sunshine?

[cheapracer]

Meanwhile back at the caption contest ....

"And welcome Sir to the new Bentley Hybrid, take your seat Sir and experience the latest in "zero rev initial thrust technology" that rivals our class competitor, the Mercedes Benz S400 Hybrid...."

Edited by cheapracer, 22 June 2011 - 12:41.

[DogEarred]

Meanwhile back at the caption contest ....

"And welcome Sir to the new Bentley Hybrid, take your seat Sir and experience the latest in "zero rev initial thrust technology" that rivals our class competitor, the Mercedes Benz S400 Hybrid...."

Marvellous! - If you wern't such a cheap racer, you would have put your entry in on time....

But I do have a spare honary mention in my drawer, which you can have!

[DogEarred]

Please welcome:-

Mr & Mrs Carburettor and their son & daughter, Bing & Holley..

Mr & Mrs Itup and their son, Jack..

Mr & Mrs Tupright and their daughter, Fran..

Mr & Mrs Whiting and their Chinese domestic helper, char Lee..

Mr & Mrs Gasket and their cockney son, Ed..

Mr & Mrs Ring and their daughter, Bea..

Mr & Mrs Ing and their pet bear..

Mr & Mrs Iator and their son, who always seems to be in hot water, Rad..

From the ecclesiastical world, the Rev. Counter..

From the scrambling world, Mr & Mrs Tocross and their son, Mo..

From Sweden, Mr & Mrs Cwrench and their son, Thor..

Mr & Mrs Run and their son, Ove..

From Italy, Mr & Mrs Serati and their mother, Ma Serati..

Mr & Mrs Romeo and their son, Alf A. Romeo..

Mr & Mrs Miglia and their daughter, Milly..

From New Zealand, Mr & Mrs Laren and their son, Mac..

From Spain, just to give us some entertainment, Mr Suiza and his piano..

From Germany, Frau und Herr Erator und their ‘fast out of the blocks’ son, Axel..

Frau Pipe with her divorced husband, ex Horst Pipe..

From the Austrian mountains, Frau und Herr Bar and their rather stiff daughter, Ann ‘Tyrol’ Bar..

Edited by DogEarred, 22 June 2011 - 14:19.

[cheapracer]

Marvellous! - If you wern't such a cheap racer, you would have put your entry in on time....

But I do have a spare honary mention in my drawer, which you can have!

Sir I don't wish to know about the honours in your drawers!

[Geoff E]

Arriving at the Dogearred and Bauble Hunt Ball are Mr & Mrs Tleycontinental and their son Ben

I'm sorry, I'll read that again.

the glory days of Radio 4

The next (Humphless, of course) series of ISIHAC starts next Monday http://www.isihac.co.uk/