Jump to content


Photo
* * * - - 2 votes

F1 Jokes


  • Please log in to reply
87 replies to this topic

#1 908T

908T
  • Member

  • 174 posts
  • Joined: February 12

Posted 15 August 2012 - 11:58

Any new ones?

:wave:

Advertisement

#2 UPRC

UPRC
  • Member

  • 4,620 posts
  • Joined: February 99

Posted 15 August 2012 - 12:06

Why did the marshall cross the road? To recover Maldonado's Williams.

It's not funny because it's true.

#3 BRG

BRG
  • Member

  • 11,907 posts
  • Joined: September 99

Posted 15 August 2012 - 12:32

Zsolt Baumgartner?
Alex Yoong?
Flavio Briatore?



Ah, perhaps you didn't mean 'joke' in that sense....

#4 Jejking

Jejking
  • Member

  • 2,441 posts
  • Joined: June 11

Posted 15 August 2012 - 12:37

When are F1 drivers complaining about too much grip?

- When they are called Chanoch Nissany and testing Minardis
- When they are in bed testing the new medium Pirelli condom compounds.

#5 Seanspeed

Seanspeed
  • Member

  • 14,650 posts
  • Joined: October 08

Posted 15 August 2012 - 12:38

I wasn't aware there were even any old ones.

#6 The Kanisteri

The Kanisteri
  • Member

  • 10,568 posts
  • Joined: August 99

Posted 15 August 2012 - 12:58

Zsolt Baumgartner?
Alex Yoong?
Flavio Briatore?



Ah, perhaps you didn't mean 'joke' in that sense....


You forgot Jackass Villeneuve

#7 taran

taran
  • Member

  • 1,817 posts
  • Joined: April 01

Posted 15 August 2012 - 13:20

An oldie.....



Six men are standing at the bar, looking bored. One finally mentions to the guy standing next to him that he has an IQ of 178 and never can talk to an intellectual equal. The other loudly proclaims he has an IQ of 169 and they start talking about the Large Hadron Collider and the importance of Higgs Boson.

The next two eye each other until one timidly mentions he has an IQ of 133. His neighbour happily responds with 129 and the pair discuss the Euro crisis.

The last two observe the proceedings before turning to each other….My IQ is 65. No way, my IQ is 70 the other says. They look at each expectantly before the first aks….so what’s your lap time at Silverstone…?



#8 nordschleife

nordschleife
  • Member

  • 877 posts
  • Joined: October 00

Posted 15 August 2012 - 13:21

http://www.pressgaze...storycode=49178

#9 Anderis

Anderis
  • Member

  • 2,671 posts
  • Joined: December 09

Posted 15 August 2012 - 13:24

I wasn't aware there were even any old ones.

I remember one. Sorry for translation cause I know it only in Polish version.

Michael Schumacher and Juan Pablo Montoya went for a trip to Africa. They were sleeping in tent. Next morning Montoya woke up and realised that Schumacher is running around the tent and lion is chasing him. So he shouted:
- Watch out Michael! It's going to catch you!
- Don't worry, I've got two laps advantage!

It was something like this. :stoned:

#10 TFLB

TFLB
  • Member

  • 1,616 posts
  • Joined: July 10

Posted 15 August 2012 - 13:29

Why did Paul Di Resta cross the road?

To get to the other side, obviously.

I mean, you didn't expect anything interesting did you?

#11 wacktifosi

wacktifosi
  • Member

  • 113 posts
  • Joined: December 11

Posted 15 August 2012 - 13:46

An old one, but still funny (and true):

When Max Mosley was coming up with the idea for KERS Mario Theissen mentioned that while electric KERS is feasible a flywheel system had no application to road cars.

Max Mosley responded by saying this: "Well, he probably hasn't thought it through. He would be right if there were battery/super capacitor combinations that were very close to being practical – but all the information is that there isn't. All these cars – you get these electric cars but if you drive them fast they just don't have the energy. Good old Mario, but I think he may have got that wrong."

When Dr. Theissen got word of this he came responded with this: "It is good that Max is learning about the engineering sides of the car, I think with a little further understanding he may soon know as much as Flavio Briatore."

#12 Kvothe

Kvothe
  • Member

  • 6,852 posts
  • Joined: November 10

Posted 15 August 2012 - 14:10

Jokes off the top of my head:

After his 2011 season Lewis Hamilton has banned the use of the word button when referring to the knobs and dials on his steering wheel asking instead that they now be called switches. When asked what prompted such a move he replied I don't know but for some reason I can't stand that word anymore.

Fernando Alonso walks into a bar 10 seconds later so does Felipe Massa

What's Vettel's favourite food? Chocolate fingers.

What does Mark Webber say when in bed...not bad for a no2 driver.

Whats small, old, grey, and has a lust for money. No not Bernie Ecclestone but your mother in law.

Bruno Senna winning the Bandini trophy.



#13 joshb

joshb
  • Member

  • 3,336 posts
  • Joined: March 11

Posted 15 August 2012 - 16:11

What do you call Mclaren's trophy cabinet?
A cabinet
(one for Lewis new silverware demand or their lack of recent titles.)


What does (insert driver with no wins) do when he wins a race?
Turns off his Playstation

Edited by joshb, 15 August 2012 - 16:13.


#14 TFLB

TFLB
  • Member

  • 1,616 posts
  • Joined: July 10

Posted 15 August 2012 - 18:04

What do you call Mclaren's trophy cabinet?
A cabinet
(one for Lewis new silverware demand or their lack of recent titles.)

Actually knowing Mclaren they probably call their trophy cabinet the 'Vodafone Mclaren Mercedes Optimised Shiny Object Storage Device' or something like that.

#15 MatsNorway

MatsNorway
  • Member

  • 2,086 posts
  • Joined: December 09

Posted 15 August 2012 - 18:55

Maldonado: "id hit that"

Not sure about the grammar but you get the picture.

Edited by MatsNorway, 15 August 2012 - 18:56.


#16 908T

908T
  • Member

  • 174 posts
  • Joined: February 12

Posted 15 August 2012 - 19:23

This is an old one....

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

:cat:

#17 metz

metz
  • Member

  • 9,819 posts
  • Joined: July 01

Posted 15 August 2012 - 20:34

Live, on world wide television;

Reporter:"Did you see the special podium tribute to Michael Schumacher, marking his retirement as the most successful racing driver in history?"
Kimi: "No. Sorry. I was having a sh!t.

#18 FerrariAlonso

FerrariAlonso
  • Member

  • 409 posts
  • Joined: April 12

Posted 15 August 2012 - 20:41

Zsolt Baumgartner?
Alex Yoong?
Flavio Briatore?



Ah, perhaps you didn't mean 'joke' in that sense....


Do you come from Hungary? Usually people coming from there are who make mock of him.

#19 LaoTze

LaoTze
  • Member

  • 133 posts
  • Joined: March 12

Posted 15 August 2012 - 20:48

This is an old one....

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

:cat:


HAHA!!! I so heard Arnold in my head there, LAUDA! hahaha!

Thanks for the laugh dude! :lol:

Advertisement

#20 Avastrol

Avastrol
  • Member

  • 391 posts
  • Joined: May 09

Posted 15 August 2012 - 20:56

This is an old one....

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

:cat:


snoopy_lauda.jpg


#21 Longtimefan

Longtimefan
  • Member

  • 3,170 posts
  • Joined: October 08

Posted 15 August 2012 - 21:13

F1 jokes?

I have a cracker...

Mercedes





:(

#22 TFLB

TFLB
  • Member

  • 1,616 posts
  • Joined: July 10

Posted 15 August 2012 - 21:19

Live, on world wide television;

Reporter:"Did you see the special podium tribute to Michael Schumacher, marking his retirement as the most successful racing driver in history?"
Kimi: "No. Sorry. I was having a sh!t.

The real version

Edit: changed the link to a version with Brundle's comment afterwards.

Edited by TFLB, 15 August 2012 - 21:21.


#23 TFLB

TFLB
  • Member

  • 1,616 posts
  • Joined: July 10

Posted 15 August 2012 - 21:22

Pastor Maldonado walks into a bar.

He says it was the bar's fault. Everyone else calls for him to be banned from walking.

#24 sharo

sharo
  • Member

  • 1,792 posts
  • Joined: April 11

Posted 15 August 2012 - 22:52

An old one:

Schumacher and Barichello went fishing. While sitting on the river bank Rubens says: "Last time I was here I caught such a fish", and showed with a hand on his other forearm the size.
Schumacher looks thoughtfully at his forearm several seconds and then bursts into laughter: "Rubens, you must be joking. Such hairy fish does not exist."

#25 Kristian

Kristian
  • Member

  • 825 posts
  • Joined: June 05

Posted 16 August 2012 - 06:45

Name 4 Scottish places that share their name with F1 drivers past and present.


Answers:

Lewis Hamilton
Stirling Moss
Johnny Dumfries



and....



Ayr Town Centre

#26 ensign14

ensign14
  • Member

  • 37,715 posts
  • Joined: December 01

Posted 16 August 2012 - 06:57

Any new ones?

Think this thread demonstrates not.

#27 Cavani

Cavani
  • Member

  • 905 posts
  • Joined: March 12

Posted 16 August 2012 - 09:44

-I don't know Webber to take this thread seriously or not.

-Which F1 driver cried the most?
Teary Boutsen

-Christiano, what's da Matta?

-I don't think things can get much Wurz.

-Speed was at the bottom of STR's priorities in 2007

Edited by Cavani, 16 August 2012 - 09:45.


#28 maverick69

maverick69
  • Member

  • 4,856 posts
  • Joined: April 09

Posted 16 August 2012 - 10:06

I think it's safe to conclude that F1 jokes suck

#29 908T

908T
  • Member

  • 174 posts
  • Joined: February 12

Posted 16 August 2012 - 10:45

I think it's safe to conclude that F1 jokes suck


That was a good one... :rotfl:

#30 TFLB

TFLB
  • Member

  • 1,616 posts
  • Joined: July 10

Posted 16 August 2012 - 12:28

I think it's safe to conclude that F1 jokes suck

Especially ones about the Brabham BT46B.

#31 maverick69

maverick69
  • Member

  • 4,856 posts
  • Joined: April 09

Posted 16 August 2012 - 12:31

Especially ones about the Brabham BT46B.


:lol:

Very good

#32 Cavani

Cavani
  • Member

  • 905 posts
  • Joined: March 12

Posted 16 August 2012 - 12:33

A couple of these came Clos to making me laugh, but most of them are utterly Tyrrell-ble.

#33 chdphd

chdphd
  • Member

  • 1,435 posts
  • Joined: October 03

Posted 16 August 2012 - 13:36

snoopy_lauda.jpg

It's a bit rude

#34 Sakae

Sakae
  • Member

  • 19,256 posts
  • Joined: December 03

Posted 16 August 2012 - 14:09

F1 jokes:

From not too distant past: Technical specifications.
From most recent period: Tire specifications.

#35 Nigol

Nigol
  • Member

  • 1,420 posts
  • Joined: September 10

Posted 16 August 2012 - 14:17

Maldonado.





Sorry.

#36 subseven

subseven
  • Member

  • 49 posts
  • Joined: May 11

Posted 16 August 2012 - 15:09

There's a joke that just got posted on the autosport main page.

"I think that my race performance has been very strong, with my 15th place in Monaco standing out, but in qualifying I've been a bit weaker," said Karthikeyan.

15th was still last of cars that didn't retire.



#37 icewest07

icewest07
  • Member

  • 220 posts
  • Joined: December 11

Posted 16 August 2012 - 15:12

Why did Paul Di Resta cross the road?

To get to the other side, obviously.

I mean, you didn't expect anything interesting did you?


:up: LOL

#38 CaptnMark

CaptnMark
  • Member

  • 1,016 posts
  • Joined: March 99

Posted 16 August 2012 - 15:14

F1 jokes?

I have a cracker...

Mercedes

:(



BMW's "our road car technology is superior" KERS.

#39 Red17

Red17
  • Member

  • 3,446 posts
  • Joined: April 11

Posted 16 August 2012 - 15:31

A tyre enters the Mclaren Pit and asks to be served. The clerk replies:

«Sorry, we don't service lefties on this establishment».



Do you know the REAL reason why Bahar and Fernandes went to court?
«The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence»

Advertisement

#40 TheWilliamzer

TheWilliamzer
  • Member

  • 689 posts
  • Joined: April 12

Posted 20 September 2012 - 14:50

Why Ferrari is slow?
Because of Kaspersky.

haha :|

#41 oligc94

oligc94
  • Member

  • 520 posts
  • Joined: January 12

Posted 20 September 2012 - 14:54

An oldie.....



Six men are standing at the bar, looking bored. One finally mentions to the guy standing next to him that he has an IQ of 178 and never can talk to an intellectual equal. The other loudly proclaims he has an IQ of 169 and they start talking about the Large Hadron Collider and the importance of Higgs Boson.

The next two eye each other until one timidly mentions he has an IQ of 133. His neighbour happily responds with 129 and the pair discuss the Euro crisis.

The last two observe the proceedings before turning to each other….My IQ is 65. No way, my IQ is 70 the other says. They look at each expectantly before the first aks….so what’s your lap time at Silverstone…?


:lol: :lol:

That made me laugh a lot! Even though generally speaking F1 drivers are highly intelligent...  ;)

#42 jeze

jeze
  • Member

  • 2,973 posts
  • Joined: September 08

Posted 20 September 2012 - 14:59

An oldie.....



Six men are standing at the bar, looking bored. One finally mentions to the guy standing next to him that he has an IQ of 178 and never can talk to an intellectual equal. The other loudly proclaims he has an IQ of 169 and they start talking about the Large Hadron Collider and the importance of Higgs Boson.

The next two eye each other until one timidly mentions he has an IQ of 133. His neighbour happily responds with 129 and the pair discuss the Euro crisis.

The last two observe the proceedings before turning to each other….My IQ is 65. No way, my IQ is 70 the other says. They look at each expectantly before the first aks….so what’s your lap time at Silverstone…?


Grosjean + Maldonado? :stoned:




#43 FirstWatt

FirstWatt
  • Member

  • 437 posts
  • Joined: February 12

Posted 20 September 2012 - 15:07

Years ago, Alexander Wurz cruised down a street in a small Austrian village.
Then he saw a very old woman walking very slowly, appearantly having some pain with walking.
Alex, being a very polite young man, stops the car, opens the window and asks her: Can I give you a ride?
She looks to him, pleasantly surprised, but suddenly she recognises him and says: Uh, no, thank you, but i'm in a hurry!

#44 Sakae

Sakae
  • Member

  • 19,256 posts
  • Joined: December 03

Posted 20 September 2012 - 15:12

The real version

Edit: changed the link to a version with Brundle's comment afterwards.

It's first time I heard it, and find it rather as a surprising side of Kimi.

#45 Torsion

Torsion
  • Member

  • 627 posts
  • Joined: February 12

Posted 20 September 2012 - 15:12

I remember one. Sorry for translation cause I know it only in Polish version.

Michael Schumacher and Juan Pablo Montoya went for a trip to Africa. They were sleeping in tent. Next morning Montoya woke up and realised that Schumacher is running around the tent and lion is chasing him. So he shouted:
- Watch out Michael! It's going to catch you!
- Don't worry, I've got two laps advantage!

It was something like this. :stoned:


:up:

#46 Bloggsworth

Bloggsworth
  • Member

  • 7,508 posts
  • Joined: April 07

Posted 20 September 2012 - 16:15

A tyre enters the Mclaren Pit and asks to be served. The clerk replies:

«Sorry, we don't service lefties on this establishment».



Do you know the REAL reason why Bahar and Fernandes went to court?
«The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence»



If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you've probably laid the turf upside down...

#47 Dolph

Dolph
  • Member

  • 5,091 posts
  • Joined: March 01

Posted 20 September 2012 - 16:15

You forgot Jackass Villeneuve


You mean the guy who won the Indy 500, the Indycar title, the F1 title, came close to winning Le Mans and earned 20 mil a year? That Jackass?

#48 SR388

SR388
  • Member

  • 4,039 posts
  • Joined: March 11

Posted 20 September 2012 - 16:18

Years ago, Alexander Wurz cruised down a street in a small Austrian village.
Then he saw a very old woman walking very slowly, appearantly having some pain with walking.
Alex, being a very polite young man, stops the car, opens the window and asks her: Can I give you a ride?
She looks to him, pleasantly surprised, but suddenly she recognises him and says: Uh, no, thank you, but i'm in a hurry!


Ha!!

#49 Dolph

Dolph
  • Member

  • 5,091 posts
  • Joined: March 01

Posted 20 September 2012 - 16:24

I remember one. Sorry for translation cause I know it only in Polish version.

Michael Schumacher and Juan Pablo Montoya went for a trip to Africa. They were sleeping in tent. Next morning Montoya woke up and realised that Schumacher is running around the tent and lion is chasing him. So he shouted:
- Watch out Michael! It's going to catch you!
- Don't worry, I've got two laps advantage!

It was something like this. :stoned:


That's the best so far in this thread.

#50 DarkknightRises

DarkknightRises
  • Member

  • 329 posts
  • Joined: July 12

Posted 20 September 2012 - 16:42

Q: The helmet has a special meaning for many drivers. How important is it to you?
KR: It protects my head.

Q: Do you have any special rituals when the helmet is concerned like many other drivers have?
KR: I wipe it, so that I can see better.

Why Kimi became a race-driver and not an icehockey-player
I have decided to do motorsports because I don´t have to get up there so early in the morning.

Q: The most exciting moment during the race weekend?
KR: I think it’s the race start, always.
Q: The most boring?
KR: Now.

Q: Kimi, have you ever got angry about anything, and jumped up and down and shouted?
KR: Yeah, many times but of course you’re not happy if you retire or something but I guess it mostly happens more in normal life than in racing.
Q: Can you give us examples?
KR: No, not really.
Q: What are the kind of things that make you angry in normal life, as you say?
KR: If you keep asking questions like those.