467 replies to this topic

[Muppetmad]

Standings

1. Dixon - 546 points

2. Castroneves - 521 points

3. Pagenaud - 491 points

 

Ladies and gentlemen, it's here: the finale of the 2013 IndyCar season! To commemorate this momentous occasion, IndyCar has bestowed upon us a rare gift: an oval race! And not just any old oval – it's Fontana, the last of our beloved triple crown which from my vague recollection produced a pretty good race last year. To be quite honest, all I remember is Will Power blowing it again – but this year I'm in luck, because Power has been courteous enough to blow it already so I might actually remember what happens in this year's race.

 

Having been appointed to make this thread, it is my duty to provide you all with all the key details for the race whilst trying – and inevitably failing – to be witty in the vein of Andrew Hope, famous for his incisive one liners. If there are any details that any of you need that I haven't provided, feel free to badger me and I'll do my best to find it – assuming I'm not screaming hysterically in my room at midnight, surrounded by piles of history books and scribbled copies of a half-written supervision essay on deadline day. In this case, I'll get back to you.

 

Now that that personally nightmarish image has faded, let's recap, shall we? What's happened so far this year? Well, we were all shocked to see Sato in contention to begin with – but that quickly passed, as deep down we all knew would happen. Power blew his chances of being runner-up for the fourth year in a row through a series of increasingly bizarre incidents. Dixon emerged mid-season with an incredible high: three straight wins. We thought it was all over – but every rise has a fall, and like the Roman Empire Dixon's year then suffered a quick decline. Unlike the Roman Empire though (if Gibbon is to be believed), the lull in Dixon's season hasn't particularly been his fault – and miraculously, what has fallen has risen again. Heading into the final race, it is Dixon who leads the championship. Castroneves has lurked in the background, keeping himself on top of the standings throughout the year by being consistently in the top five. Pagenaud's year has been slowly winding up, taking his inaugural victory at Belle Isle by defying the adamant suggestions of the commentators that he didn't have a hope in hell of winning, before following that up again by somehow surviving the train-wreck that turned out to be the very entertaining race at Baltimore.

 

What happened last time out? We had the doubleheader at Houston in Texas, famously home to this guy. Sadly, that's not all that Houston is now famous for. The first race had no spark, whilst the second race finished with an awful bang. From the chaos, Dixon and Power emerged as the winners. Although the racing may have been a dreadful combination of lacklustre and violent, the implications for the championship were astounding: Castroneves recorded his worst finishes of the season at the very worst moment, allowing Dixon to surge into the lead. Pagenaud continued to cling on for dear life and, surprisingly, still has a mathematical chance of winning the championship.

 

So, we're all caught up. I can just about contain my excitement.

 

 

(^ I'm sure most people won't get that, but I hope at least one person will!)

 

Fontana, California

<---- In case you didn't believe me that it's an oval...

 

Track length: 2 miles

Race length: 250 laps, 500 miles

Green flag: Saturday 19th, 8:45pm ET (Sunday 20th, 1:45am BST – OUCH!)

 

Spotter's guide: http://digbza2f4g9qo...20131015T141601

 

What would each person need to score to win the title?

Bleh. I hate maths. Let the commentators work it out for you.

 

Quiz

To celebrate the season finale, I've put together a quiz for the race – whoever gets closest across all the questions gets a cookie...

 

 

1. Who will win the race?

2. Why not Sato?

3. Seriously, why not?

4. How many times will the commentators mention that Charlie Kimball is diabetic?

5. How many cautions will there be?

6. What monstrous piece of bad luck will befall Sebastien Bourdais during the race?
7. How many times will we be told about college football during the broadcast?

8. Who will incur the wrath - and fingers - of Will Power during the race?

9. How many times will "shophonda.com" be mentioned during the coverage?

10. How many times will I needlessly ask for the time for green flag, much to everyone's infuriation?

Edited by Muppetmad, 16 October 2013 - 15:24.

[Prost1997T]

Pagenaud's not in contention, because finishing last (25th) is worth 5 points.

 

There's also the battle for the Indy Lights title (and the hefty scholarship that comes with it) between Karam and Chaves.

Edited by Prost1997T, 10 October 2013 - 15:35.

[gm914]

Splendid OP, chap.

 

Go Dixie! 

[Muppetmad]

Pagenaud's not in contention, because finishing last (25th) is worth 5 points.

Duly noted, thanks

[Victor_RO]

Right, someone's got to start taking the "quiz" seriously.

 

1. Who will win the race?

 

Pagenaud. If not... why not Sato?

 

2. Why not Sato?

 

Indeed.   

 

3. Seriously, why not?

 

Because old man Foyt says so, that's why not.

 

4. How many times will the commentators mention that Charlie Kimball is diabetic?

 

As many times as his blood sugar level in mg/dl at the start of the race.

 

5. How many cautions will there be?

 

Has someone brought enough fuel for the SC?

 

6. What monstrous piece of bad luck will befall Sebastien Bourdais during the race?

 

Puncture from a phantom piece of gravel thrown all the way from France by another Sebastien's crash last week.

7. How many times will we be told about college football during the broadcast?

 

12 34 56 78... pick your guess.

 

8. Who will incur the wrath - and fingers - of Will Power during the race?

 

Dixon, Dixon, Dixon, Tagliani, and... Dixon.

 

9. How many times will "shophonda.com" be mentioned during the coverage?

 

How many people watching the telecast actually bought anything from there? Double that.

 

10. How many times will I needlessly ask for the time for green flag, much to everyone's infuriation?

 

Set the damn alarm clock when you first get told.

[Andrew Hope]

We finale now

 

Been a great, long season. Time goes by, so slowly..

 

[prommer]

The presence of two wingmen on each side of the championship contenders is freaking me out a little bit...  Tags and Allmendinger, plus Power and Kimball, each trying to be the Dennis Rodman of Indycar -- I just hope silly things don't ensue.

 

Err-- it's Indycar.  Never mind...

[Prost1997T]

Right, because drivers taking each other out or blocking for championships never happened in F1 right?

 

Also, I don't recall anything untoward in last year's decider at Fontana. Power crashed out on his own.

Edited by Prost1997T, 10 October 2013 - 17:34.

[SR388]

Remember when Sato was leading the championship? I miss those days.

Also boo this going head to head against NASCAR!

[Vitesse2]

"There's someone on line one who disagrees with your advice."

[prommer]

Right, because drivers taking each other out or blocking for championships never happened in F1 right?

 

Also, I don't recall anything untoward in last year's decider at Fontana. Power crashed out on his own.

 

Yeah, never!

 

Last year was a little different.  Somehow when it's Penske v. Ganassi, there's a certain indefinable edge on everything.  Ever since the pit incident at Sonoma, the back and forth between the two camps has kinda unbelievable.

[Red17]

Also boo this going head to head against NASCAR!

 

Again?!

 

Oh wait... they have been doing it all season.

 

Great opener.

Edited by Red17, 10 October 2013 - 19:37.

[PokePoke]

Still in my head: 2008 finale

[Risil]

Nah, Pagenaud can still win the title. He just needs the Indycar equivalent of the start of King Ralph to happen before the race.

 

Ace OP, by the way. O mister Cambridge historian, what do you think Gibbon would've made of Indycar? With race attendances and technical freedoms diminishing steadily and Indy 500 speeds resolutely not moving since 1996, I think we can rule out the Whig Interpretation. Marx's history of class struggles sounds like a better fit for United Sportscar, and Carlyle's theory of the Heroic is hardly suited to this age of parity and 10 winners from 18 races. Long Beach and Sonoma seem like permanent fixtures on the calendar, so we can rule out Spengler's Decline of the West too.

Edited by Risil, 10 October 2013 - 20:28.

[Jim Thurman]

Excellent OP

 

Quiz

To celebrate the season finale, I've put together a quiz for the race – whoever gets closest across all the questions gets a cookie...

 

1. Who will win the race?

2. Why not Sato?

3. Seriously, why not?

4. How many times will the commentators mention that Charlie Kimball is diabetic?

5. How many cautions will there be?

6. What monstrous piece of bad luck will befall Sebastien Bourdais during the race?
7. How many times will we be told about college football during the broadcast?

8. Who will incur the wrath - and fingers - of Will Power during the race?

9. How many times will "shophonda.com" be mentioned during the coverage?

10. How many times will I needlessly ask for the time for green flag, much to everyone's infuriation?

 

A cookie? Cool...ok, I'll give it a shot:
 

1. Well, duh!...the car that crosses the finish line first having completed the most laps at the end of the scheduled distance (you should know this!)

2. He'll have retired from the race.

3. See above.

4. Depends on how much money they're getting from Norvo, Novo, Nervo...whatever the hell it is.

5. I'm going to need a calculator...

6. Santa Ana winds will blow a piece of palm frond into his inlet.

7. Hmm, let me get the calculator again...

8. Most drivers, all officials and 1/3 of the spectators.

9. Three.

10. Again, I'm gonna have to get the calculator...

Edited by Jim Thurman, 10 October 2013 - 20:34.

[gm914]

Nah, Pagenaud can still win the title. He just needs the Indycar equivalent of the start of King Ralph to happen before the race.

 

Ace OP, by the way. O mister Cambridge historian, what do you think Gibbon would've made of Indycar? With race attendances and technical freedoms diminishing steadily and Indy 500 speeds resolutely not moving since 1996, I think we can rule out the Whig Interpretation. Marx's history of class struggles sounds like a better fit for United Sportscar, and Carlyle's theory of the Heroic is hardly suited to this age of parity and 10 winners from 18 races. Long Beach and Sonoma seem like permanent fixtures on the calendar, so we can rule out Spengler's Decline of the West too.

 

Erm...boobies!! 

[Muppetmad]

O mister Cambridge historian, what do you think Gibbon would've made of Indycar? With race attendances and technical freedoms diminishing steadily and Indy 500 speeds resolutely not moving since 1996, I think we can rule out the Whig Interpretation. Marx's history of class struggles sounds like a better fit for United Sportscar, and Carlyle's theory of the Heroic is hardly suited to this age of parity and 10 winners from 18 races. Long Beach and Sonoma seem like permanent fixtures on the calendar, so we can rule out Spengler's Decline of the West too.

What an intriguing question! I will defer to the expertise of my colleague, who has articulated a thoughtful and economical answer.

 

Erm...boobies!! 

[ensign14]

By rights, Dixon should win the title, as he's taken the care to win a few races.  Helio hasn't bothered with that, he's just bored his way to various podium positions, because Accountancy is more interesting than Racing.  OK, he has one in the win column, but he had to have a bent car for that, and the IRL owe Penske several for him tucking up CART by running back to Indy to piss on the midgets while he could.

[SR388]

Again?!

 

Oh wait... they have been doing it all season.

 

Great opener.

 

 

Well, I just looked. The race is actually next week, wasn't posted in the OP. Which was great! 

[Muppetmad]

Well, I just looked. The race is actually next week, wasn't posted in the OP. Which was great! 

Gosh, so I haven't! Apologies, let me update that.

[SR388]

Gosh, so I haven't! Apologies, let me update that.

No biggie. I have acess to google and the Internet.

[Andrew Hope]

Yeah don't sweat **** like that. The very existence of Google means that technically, no one needs to ask anyone else anything ever again. The only reason to talk at all anymore is to bullshit, smacktalk and complain.

[Afterburner]

http://blu.stb.s-msn...60F72230DDA.jpg
Splendid OP, chap.
 
Go Dixie!

"There's someone on line one who disagrees with your advice."
http://mimg.ugo.com/...-neuwirth-l.jpg

10,000 awesome points each for this.
 

Yeah don't sweat shit like that. The very existence of Google means that technically, no one needs to ask anyone else anything ever again. The only reason to talk at all anymore is to bullshit, smacktalk and complain.

Yep. Basically, we're just waiting until we all get sucked into the massive data-stealing info-net that is the Google Corporation. They get to sell our souls and every other bit of personal information we have off to the highest bidder and roll around in money while we all get to be one big happy hive-mind.

Edited by Afterburner, 11 October 2013 - 20:18.

[Wander]

Still in my head: 2008 finale

"Scott, you emerged from the most talented and diverse field of drivers in all of motorsport."

 

Is this kind of hyperbole typical of Indycar?

[Prost1997T]

What do you expect them to say? That it sucks?

[PayasYouRace]

"Scott, you emerged from the most talented and diverse field of drivers in all of motorsport."

 

Is this kind of hyperbole typical of Indycar?

 

Not at all. It's typical of every top level racing series.

[Andrew Hope]

"Scott, you emerged from the most talented and diverse field of drivers in all of motorsport."

 

Is this kind of hyperbole typical of Indycar?

That kind of hyperbole is typical of everything.

 

There are plenty of legitimate things to make fun of IndyCar for, but that isn't one of them.

Edited by Andrew Hope, 11 October 2013 - 21:07.

[jonpollak]

I get home on Wednesday for a few days    and will be watching this thrilling finale on BTSport/ESPNuk/whateveritisthismonth.

 

So, it's my turn now..

WHAT CHANNEL IS IT ON??????

Jp

[Afterburner]

I get home on Wednesday for a few days    and will be watching this thrilling finale on BTSport/ESPNuk/whateveritisthismonth.
 
So, it's my turn now..
WHAT CHANNEL IS IT ON??????

Jp

Wait, you mean JP's Amazing 24/7 Worldwide Super-Karate Nigerian Streaming Network won't be covering it? You're gonna lose some major business on this one, man.

[jonpollak]

I'll check with 'em.. hold on..

 

hmmm..

Looks like they're on a shift change just now ...so I can't get an answer yet.

Jp

Edited by jonpollak, 11 October 2013 - 23:35.

[Andrew Hope]

The irony here of course is that given how boring most IndyCar oval races tend to be, it might be more fun to just watch a stream of Jon himself for 3 hours, just telling stories. Then it really would be worth $29.95/month.

[Vitesse2]

I get home on Wednesday for a few days    and will be watching this thrilling finale on BTSport/ESPNuk/whateveritisthismonth.

 

So, it's my turn now..

WHAT CHANNEL IS IT ON??????

Jp

Not actually being shown live in the UK - apparently live baseball and American Football are more important

 

And of course on Sunday it gets shunted all the way back to 1800.

 

Full showings Sunday 1800, Monday 1730, Tuesday 2230. One-hour highlights Tuesday 2200, Wednesday 0700 and 1030, Thursday 0415 and Friday 0600.

 

All on ESPN. All times BST.

[Muppetmad]

Jeez, the one race of the year which you do want to watch and they don't have it live. Disappointing, BT have done a good job with keeping IndyCars live up until now.

[Vitesse2]

Jeez, the one race of the year which you do want to watch and they don't have it live. Disappointing, BT have done a good job with keeping IndyCars live up until now.

Sorry, bit of brain fade there: it is live on BT Sport 2, starting 0130 Sunday. Looking at streaming listings it appears the US broadcast will start at 0100 BST, so presumably green flag is about 0140.

[Prost1997T]

The irony here of course is that given how boring most IndyCar oval races tend to be, it might be more fun to just watch a stream of Jon himself for 3 hours, just telling stories. Then it really would be worth $29.95/month.

 

They haven't been boring so far (except the second half of Pocono). C'mon, 25 Indycars averaging ~220mph, riding the edge on the high line of a 2.0 mile oval?   Fontana's always been a race of endurance (or RHR's case last year, holding on with a damaged car).

[Muppetmad]

Sorry, bit of brain fade there: it is live on BT Sport 2, starting 0130 Sunday. Looking at streaming listings it appears the US broadcast will start at 0100 BST, so presumably green flag is about 0140.

Ah, no worries, thanks for posting the correction

[Pikachu Racing]

Penske Racing on its way to another choke job for fourth straight year. Could they avoid or Scott Dixon cruises on by? Could Simon Pagenaud stun Indycar world taking the championship? Could Ed Carpenter win final race for third straight year?

[Imperial]

Can 'Seeeymon' actually win the title? I thought there weren't even enough points left for him to draw level.

[Muppetmad]

Prost has pointed out that Pagenaud is not in contention for the title any more. Still, he's done a damn good job of holding on as long as he has.

[Victor_RO]

Prost has pointed out that Pagenaud is not in contention for the title any more. Still, he's done a damn good job of holding on as long as he has.

 

If Honda step up their game next year somehow compared to Chevy in terms of engine performance, I can see Pagenaud actually with a significant chance at the title. 5th last year, looks like 3rd this year... 2 better next year?   

[Andrew Hope]

Less than six days away, now. So excited.

[Bloggsworth]

Is someone going to give Kathy Legge a drive this weekend; she is at her best on ovals.

[Prost1997T]

Is someone going to give Kathy Legge a drive this weekend; she is at her best on ovals.

 

She'll be at Petit Le Mans, so no.

[Bloggsworth]

She'll be at Petit Le Mans, so no.

 

Pity

[Andrew Hope]

Pippa Mann is racing, for a few minutes until her engine blows.

[Prost1997T]

Yes...Coyne's reliability has been suspect. Last year it was Wilson's car getting all the failures, this year it's the second one.

[Afterburner]

Pity

I'd rather be a part of the last ALMS race ever than an IndyCar oval race, so I can't blame her.

*ducks*

[Prost1997T]

I'd rather be a part of the last ALMS race ever than an IndyCar oval race, so I can't blame her.

*ducks*

 

To race with about two other P1 cars?   Audi and Toyota aren't going to be at Road Atlanta, they're focusing on WEC.

Edited by Prost1997T, 15 October 2013 - 18:21.

[Afterburner]

To race with about two other P1 cars?   Audi and Toyota aren't going to be at Road Atlanta, they're focusing on WEC.

Your point?

[Ross Stonefeld]

Legge may do better on ovals, but that still may not be good enough for a team to run her on a part-time schedule. Especially given how few open rides there are. You wouldn't put her in the #10 over Tagliani.