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NASCAR Phoenix weekend [merged]


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#1 Andrew Hope

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 22:11

.

WE PHOENIX NOW!

 

pbk.png

 

There's no limit to the FUN, so why should there be a limit to the TRACK!? We got three excellent races this weekend: a round of the Camping World Irritating Rich Kid Wins Series on Friday night, some CUP DRIVER WINS LOL on Saturday, and then a NASCAR race on Sunday. Be there or be trioval.

 

Newman_Burnout-REV.gif

 

A song to start us off. If that wasn't written by a NASCAR fan I'll eat my keyboard.

 

 

Dat Schedule

 

8 November (Friday)

 

10:00am - 11:30am: Nationwide practice

11:35am - 01:30pm: Sprint Cup practice/Kyle Busch douchebaggery begins

01:35pm - 02:20pm: Nationwide final practice

03:40pm - 05:00pm: Sprint Cup qualifying

06:00pm - 08:00pm: Camping World Truck race

 

9 November (Saturday)

 

09:30am - 010:25am: Sprint Cup practice/Kyle Busch douchebaggery continues once more

10:35am - 11:45am: Nationwide qualifying

02:00pm - 04:00pm: Nationwide race

 

10 November (Sunday)

 

01:00pm - 04:00pm: Sprint Cup race/Kyle Busch douchebaggery intensifies

 

Note: All times posted Mountain/Worst time zone. For Eastern time, add 2 hours. For British/European, add 7 hours. Don't blame me, blame the universe.

 

Other Important Stuff:

(click to open .pdf, or maybe it's just a normal link)

 

Jayski link with countdown timers (default is Sprint Cup, click "Nationwide" or "Camping World" and the timer will change to count down to those races)

Sprint Cup entry list (or .pdf)

Nationwide entry list

Camping World entry list

Weather Channel forecast for the weekend

Vegas Insider odds to win the Sprint Cup race and to win the Championship

Live audio coverage on the Motor Racing Network

 

"I can't watch the race on TV! Can someone give me a stream?"

 

Muppets_Treasure_Island_41566_Medium.jpg

 

Out of respect for the noble art of piracy and ensuring those of us lucky enough not to be born into the United States of America can watch racing too, it would be unwise to post a direct link here. Having said that, I sure hope you don't Google "Race Fans Only" and bookmark the first link to show up, and watch all 3 races this weekend there. And if that doesn't work, it would be really terrible if you went to Justin.tv and got a stream from there. Please don't do that, you'll make Kyle cry.

 

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Obligatory cat:

 

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Another small note is that some of you may wish to join the race discussions on 4chan as well. Always entertaining, the anonymity afforded by that site allows you to use the actual words that come into your head when you see Cup drivers winning the Nationwide races, or long diatribes about owner's points. There will be threads for all three races: go to the sports board (www.4chan.org/sp/) and look around 15 minutes or so before the green flag flies. For the benefit of anyone who cares, that particular board is worksafe, meaning you need not fear seeing any boobies while trying to enjoy the race. Nevertheless, only a fool would attempt to chat about the race there at work.

 

icms.jpg

 

Well, it's been a hell of a year in NASCARland. Perhaps the most surprising news is non-news, since to the best of my knowledge, no one has torn any cowboy hats of anyone else's heads. Or just did us all a favor and tore the entire heads off. We've seen more meaningless drug suspensions, Travis Kvapil hitting his wife more times than he's hit the wall, a Nationwide championship ruined by people who shouldn't be there, Martin Truex was boned out of a decent ride by Michael Waltrip Racing being morons, and.. well I'm sure some fun things happened. But I can't remember too many off the top of my head. There was that memorable pit stop Clint Bowyer had. There was also the interesting social experiment of sympathy for an injury vs. what the injured person had done to you, where it was revealed that most NASCAR fans committed enough to spend their free time during the week complaining about NASCAR on the internet decided almost unanimously that although it sucked Tony Stewart broke his leg, anyone who ruined the genius invention of Soda Cookies by subjecting the world to that commercial may have had it coming. Although it was certainly amusing when his replacement in the #14 showed up unannounced at the 12 Hours of Sebring.

 

sdrt.jpg

 

There was also the sad business of the death of Jason Leffler, sad both because from personal accounts he was a top guy, and also sad because his accident proved the racing media intends to swear anyone who heads to the great superspeedway in the sky before they're 60 must be the greatest lost talent the world has ever seen, devoting paragraphs to emotionally-conflicted predictions of what might have been, rather than warm recollections of exactly what was.

 

It really was a rough year.

 

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David Ragan won at Talladega, that was pretty sweet. Truex won at Sonoma. Allmendinger won two road course races in Nationwide, and the Trucks went to Eldora and Mosport, and Darrell Wallace won at Martinsville. Decent season, 7/10, would watch again. Jeff Gordon could have had a better year, though.

 

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Here is our track map + grandstands and infield road course:

 

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Cousin Carl Edwards won here in March and Kevin Harvick this race last year. Mark Martin was on pole last time we were at Phoenix and finished a memorable 21st. If there were interesting things to say about Phoenix, this where they would be.

 

This is pretty much it for the season. Comastead-Boreami next week, and that's all she wrote until the five hunerd next year. We all know what the highlight of the year was.

 

sledge_throw.gif

 

Max Slapis a close second.

 

So, what the hell happened last race? You remember, it was Texas! So not a God damn thing.

 

With two races to go, now would be a good time to learn how points are awarded in NASCAR. Most of you will know already but it's so much easier than the IndyCar system of 7.329 points for staying awake during the driving briefing and 11 43/92nds for going a whole race without picturing Simona naked that it's worth explaining here. NASCAR uses a points system that is inverted from the finishing order, meaning in a race with 43 cars, the winner gets 43 points for finishing 1st and the guy who finishes 43rd gets one point. This is the same for all positions except for the winner, who gets 3 bonus points, so it goes 46 for 1st, 42 for 2nd, 41 for 3rd, and so on, down to 1 points for 43rd. Nationwide and Trucks don't have as many entries, but they use the same system, so if there are only 40 cars in the Nationwide race, last place (40th) gets 4 points. 35 Trucks in the Truck race, last place gets 9 points. You get 1 bonus point for leading a lap, and 1 bonus point for leading the most laps.

 

The most any driver can get on a single weekend is 48 points (46 for 1st, 1 point for leading a lap, 1 for leading the most laps). NASCAR does a good job of updating points during actual races and telling you where drivers need to finish in relation to each other, but for once in racing this is not a hard system to memorize so you can do your own math during the race.

 

Dem Standings

(2 races to go for all series)

 

Sprint Cup

 

01 JOHNSON, Jimmie (2,342pts, 6 wins)

02 KENSETH, Matt (2,335pts, 7 wins)

03 HARVICK, Kevin (2,302pts, 3 wins)

 

Nationwide

 

01 DILLON, Austin (1,107pts, 0 wins)

02 HORNISH, Sam (1,101pts, 1 win)

03 SMITH, Regan (1,053pts, 2 wins)

 

Camping World

 

01 CRAFTON, Matt (741pts, 1 win)

02 BUESCHER, James (695pts, 2 wins)

03 DILLON, Ty (694pts, 2 wins)

 

And now, all the usual features!

 

Unecessary Danica Mentions

 

uhq7.png

 

(Unless she crashes or debuts a see-through race suit. These things are harder to predict than they look).

 

You wish you had..

 

..style like this.

 

Take a drink every time..

 

.."ol' Five-time".

 

Useless NASCAR Fact of the Day:

 

Thanks to my repeated obnoxious postings of this video, it's impossible to watch this .gif without hearing Japanese commentary in your head.

 

truck_end_wreck_dega.gif

 

Do you remember..

 

..anything from this hour-long video of the most cringeworthy things that have ever happened in NASCAR history?

 

 

I couldn't get past 3 minutes. If you can top that, I'll paypal you ten bucks.

 

Anagram of the Day:

 

Morgan Shepherd / Her damn gophers

not8.jpg



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#2 gm914

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 22:43

That is a sweet oval diagram.

 

Going back to this incident last year at Phoenix...

brawl2.gif

 

Anyone else reminded of that scene with Brad Pitt in SE7EN? 

 

Anyway- Cale Gale suits up in the Turner #33 Truck, along with a few rookies again.

 

Daniel Hemric in the #6;

Steve Smith in the #12;

John Hunter Nemechek in the #22;

Cale Gale in the #33;

Mason Mingus in the #35;

Chase Elliott in the #94 

 

Also-

Steve Wallace in the #97

 

I wish I found Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box.  :(



#3 OvDrone

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 22:46

Made it 'till 4:40 but then 'Who let the dogs out' started playing, making me nauseous with rage.



#4 Red17

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 23:12

arizona_desert-1218.jpg

 

I tell you, for a place that is continuosly labeled as being in the middle of Arizona desert, Phoenix has been able to keep itself on the news. These guys sure do their homework!

 

Phoenix has hosted races for the big 3, not all in the same place, as usual the F1 guys had to find their own playground:

 

 

Which in turn earned Phoenix a place in simulator history:

 

 

Ah! But that was not the first time! Guess which track opened Dany Sullivan's Indy Heat?

 

 

Anyway, let's focus a bit on the incoming future:

 

The Venue Arena

 

Phonenix_International_Raceway.JPG

 

(As per Jayski stats)

Track/Race Length: 1.0 mile oval
Degree of Banking: Turns 1-2: 11 degrees; Turns 3-4: 9 degrees
Front stretch: Length: 1,179 feet, Banking: 3 degrees
Back stretch: Length: 1,551 feet, Banking: 9 degrees
Pit Road: Length: 1,140
Pit Road Speed: 45mph
Grandstand seating: 55,000
Last Repave: 2011

 

 

The Cars:

 

suv-brick-car-3285792.jpg

 

The Contenders:

 

Trucks

 

220px-Crafton_Kentucky_I_2011.jpg

 

2009_NCWTS_James_Buescher_Sam_Greenwood_

 

Ty+Dillon+Dover+International+Speedway+D

 

Nationwide

 

Austin+Dillon+Sargento+200+Day+1+CqjXBn2

 

Fast-times-Sam-Hornish-Jr-s-life-has-bee

 

Sprint Cup

 

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The Races:

 

Shocker! Kyle Busch not doing the triple duty!

 

But do not worry folks. We will have the recent Cup contigent showing up gain in Natiowide, they sure are always on their side!

 

Craftontrucks

 

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Friday 8th - 20:00 - Airs on Fox Sports and Nigerian Stream

 

150 Laps plus the added challenge of enduring Michael Waltrip.

 

Dillonwide

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Saturday 9th - 16:14 - Airs on ESPN2 , Nigerian Stream and Motors TV

 

200 Laps in which we should see Hornish gunning down his race on pitroad while the folks down here try to jinx Kyle Busch and Austin Dillon.

Unless something of the likes of Montoya misfortune happens this title will be Dillon's.

 

Jimmysprint

 

Advo500_phoenix1.png

 

 

Sunday 10th - 312 Laps

 

Matt Kenseth has been racing destiny. Every race it's him and two Hendrick cars, one of them always the 48. Actually, he is very lucky to be only 6 points behind after speeding on pitroad. Meanwhile, Jimmy aparently got tired of all this and decided to do one of his usual Vettelesque performances, sign that the scales have tipped? The ball is on Kenseth's camp now.

 

Airs on ESPN and Nigerian Stream

 

 

And now, for last year's finish, not in japanese, but in FRENCH!

 

 

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#5 V3TT3L

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 23:23

:confused: I'm confused



#6 Buttoneer

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 23:30

Please forgive the two "opening posts" but  Red17 requested that we delete or merge, and I couldn't bring myself to delete such a beautiful creation even if it didn't have the obligatory cat.



#7 Red17

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 00:07

There is an obligatory cat? Gota remember that next year.

I mentioned earlier that Andrew and me should share an OP, I guess this is it.

 

This is what happens when you spent a whole hour digging for the right picture and video.



#8 Andrew Hope

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 00:17

There is an obligatory cat? Gota remember that next year.

I mentioned earlier that Andrew and me should share an OP, I guess this is it.

 

This is what happens when you spent a whole hour digging for the right picture and video.

He's my "wink wink make sure you got the clue for the stream" cat, but there was no clue this time, but I can't ditch the cat. Therefore he's obligatory. Nice work by the way. By this time next year everyone's going to be writing novels for OPs for fear of looking like a dick if you don't.



#9 SR388

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 03:16

If these opening posts were a woman, they would be a beautifal woman, that I would make sweet love to. 

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

Go Bubba, Jeff, Jimmie! 



#10 loki

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 03:16

You can have this cat...

 

 

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Edited by loki, 07 November 2013 - 03:18.


#11 OfficeLinebacker

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 03:37

Man you forgot to mention the most epic moment in the NASCAR season when Norm Benning made the transfer to the main at Eldora, flipped someone the bird, and was accosted while everyone else was congratulating him.  That was awesome.

 

Max Slapis was a pretty close second and of course hammergate was also significant.

 

But most importantly, where did you find a pic of Hornish wearing a cowboy hat?



#12 Andrew Hope

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 04:29

Man you forgot to mention the most epic moment in the NASCAR season when Norm Benning made the transfer to the main at Eldora, flipped someone the bird, and was accosted while everyone else was congratulating him.  That was awesome.

 

Max Slapis was a pretty close second and of course hammergate was also significant.

 

But most importantly, where did you find a pic of Hornish wearing a cowboy hat?

 

riyr.jpg

 

Can't storm the Norm!



#13 Option1

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 14:45

Sorry Red17, I have to give the points to Andrew's OP for "see-through race suit" and the pussy, but it was a close-run event.

 

Neil



#14 jonpollak

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 16:56

So good they posted it twice...





However Neil..I'm with Red on this one.
Much for me to identify with...
NSC,cars that are bricks & The Iceberg GP
That's MY winner.
gm914 'cat in the hat' road course IS a stroke of Jeenyus though.

I'll be at 35,000 feet for this one...AND the next one
Dab Nang it.
Jp

Edited by jonpollak, 07 November 2013 - 17:10.


#15 Deluxx

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 19:53

What happened to Kyle? Did he just finish meh in a bunch of races?



#16 pingu666

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 21:31

he messed up pitroad late in the last race

and crashed at kanas



#17 Andrew Hope

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 02:55

And sucks.



#18 loki

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 05:02

What happened to Kyle? Did he just finish meh in a bunch of races?

 

 

Choked in the Chase.  Like all the other seasons.



#19 Dilla

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 05:12

Actually, Kyle hasn't been that bad, just the one horrid finish at Kansas plus Johnson and Kenseth being out of this world eliminated him (along with everyone else).

 

But he's only 12 points out of third, which will easily blow his old best out the water if he holds on to 4th even. That's like a good 7-8 positions better than his usual Chase results.


Edited by Dilla, 08 November 2013 - 05:25.


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#20 V3TT3L

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 05:18

Kenseth just humiliated Busch in his first year racing for his new team.

 

But Bush is also becoming a legend in NNS.

 

Johnson/Hendricks and Kenseth/Busch/Gibbs also proved to be the best developers, putting Keselowski/Penske in his place.

Even Harvick/RCR were better.



#21 gm914

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 13:14

Quiroga fastest in first practice at Phoenix: 

#77-German Quiroga led the opening practice for Friday's Lucas Oil 150 at Phoenix International Raceway. Quiroga's fastest lap was 129.940 mph.

 

He was followed by: #51-Erik Jones,#17-Timothy Peters, #3-Ty Dillon, #9-Ron Hornaday, Jr., #32-Miguel Paludo, #98-Johnny Sauter, #29-Ryan Blaney, #24-Brennan Newberry, and #62-Brendan Gaughan. 32 trucks practiced during the session. 

 

Jones fastest in final practice at Phoenix: 

#51-Erik Jones was fastest during the final practice for Friday's Lucas Oil 150 at Phoenix International Raceway. Jones ran a fast lap at 134.394 mph. 

 

He was followed by: #33-Cale Gale. #29-Ryan Blaney, #4-Jeb Burton, #19-Ross Chastain, #9-Ron Hornaday, Jr., #32-Miguel Paludo, #62-Brendan Gaughan, #24-Brennan Newberry, and #88-Matt Crafton. 35 trucks practiced during the session. #54-Darrell Wallace, Jr. and #38- Chad Frewaldt wrecked during the session, with both trucks suffering heavy damage. Wallace's team quickly pulled out the back-up. A confrontation took place following the wreck and both drivers had to meet with series director Chad Little following the session.



#22 Andrew Hope

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 18:20

See, I wish confrontations between drivers occasionally took the form of something other than fisticuffs.How great would it be if two opposing who had an on-track disagreement saw the argument descend into an impromptu paintball war in the pit lane? Maybe the drivers could be Xtreme Checkers or have a rap battle to settle their argument. Or rock paper scissors. Or Tic-tac-toe with the tire chalk. Maybe instead of fighting each other, the two drivers could join forces and smack the shit out of Travis Kvapil. The possibilities are endless, and all are more entertaining than a fight that doesn't happen.



#23 djparky

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 18:51

I'm hoping Kenseth will win this weekend and frankly Johnson scores badly, as I don't really want to see hime yet another championship- but also hope that this weeks race is more entertaining than the 5 million mind numbingly boring miles the Texas event seemed to last



#24 V3TT3L

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 19:13

  • NASCAR clears the air following Wallace, Frewaldt confrontation: Darrell Wallace Jr. won't be punished by NASCAR for an on-track altercation with Chad Frewaldt Thursday after the two drivers crashed during practice at Phoenix International Raceway. Wallace, sixth in the Camping World Truck Series standings, had just passed Frewaldt on the outside in Turn 3 when the two made contact going through Turn 4. Wallace's Kyle Busch Motorsports truck spun around and up against the wall in front of Frewaldt's RSS entry before sliding back down the track and into the inside wall. Frewaldt was still in his truck, his window net down, when Wallace charged up the banking and appeared to attempt to strike the driver. Neither driver was injured and both spoke with NASCAR officials behind closed doors after the incident."You remind everyone these are young men, they're competitive , this is the heat of the moment," Robin Pemberton, NASCAR vice president of competition, said afterward."He (Wallace) did slap at the helmet. And it's a race car helmet and a race car. So I'm pretty sure the helmet is OK. & He was just frustrated and you get that."(NASCAR.com)(11-7-2013)



#25 Watkins74

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 21:32


.

WE PHOENIX NOW!

 

 

 

 

 

:confused:



#26 Red17

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 22:02

:confused:

 

You mean this?

 

 

As I wrote above, the guys in Phoenix are always on the headlines.


Edited by Red17, 08 November 2013 - 22:02.


#27 Andrew Hope

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 22:11

Of all the ridiculous bullshit I post, I would've thought WE PHOENIX NOW! makes the most sense.



#28 jonpollak

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 22:21

speaking of ridiculous bullshit....

 

 

NASCAR proposes new track design to keep viewers awake...

TNAuC2q.jpg

Jp


Edited by jonpollak, 08 November 2013 - 22:22.


#29 gm914

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 22:44

Cheese Stain wins the NCWTS pole. 



#30 Andrew Hope

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 23:25

Friendly reminder the Truck race starts at 8pm Eastern tonight, just under two hours from now.



#31 Red17

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 01:21

Major fail by Fox. Engines are fired and they are still airing basketball. No wonder Bernie is so coy about his TV deals.



#32 Dmitriy_Guller

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 01:27

I'm up to 9:00 mark for the cringeworthy video.  Oh my, how things change.



#33 Dmitriy_Guller

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 01:28

Major fail by Fox. Engines are fired and they are still airing basketball. No wonder Bernie is so coy about his TV deals.

Well, it's not like NASCAR races never run long.



#34 pingu666

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 01:42

we have trucks



#35 Andrew Hope

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 01:43

Hahaha time for basketball.

 

Oh, finally. Race time.



#36 Andrew Hope

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 01:55

>All these commercials

 

It would be more fun to actually have asbestos lung cancer than to watch those commercials anymore. Oh, and erectile dysfunction isn't real. Your dick is functioning perfectly by not letting you have a kid when you're 75.

 

We're off to a good start. As soon as this one comes on we've got everything ticked on the NASCAR commercial bingo card.

 



#37 Andrew Hope

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 02:00

That was an awesome shortcut.



#38 Red17

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 02:06

FOX cant get enough of showing Bubba punching slapping the helmet.



#39 pingu666

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 02:12

its od seeing pheonix under lights



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#40 Andrew Hope

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 02:45

This is painful.



#41 Andrew Hope

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 03:11

Shit race, not too unhappy with the winner though. Someone new.



#42 OfficeLinebacker

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 05:39

Man, JPM was second fastest in practice behind JJ.  JJ got pole and JPM got like 19th.



#43 gm914

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 16:10

Awesome job Erik Jones, youngest winner in NCWTS history.

Cale 6th too  :up: Give him a seat next year, TSM. 

All Crafton has to do now is show up on time and the title is his. Suck it, Hat. 

 

Jimmie took the Cup pole,  Kenseth starts 14th.

 

Top 10-

 #48- Johnson

#11-Hamlin

 #22-Logano

#18-Busch

#24- Gordon

#15- Bowyer

#5- Kandy

#78-Busch 

#29-Harvick 

#56-Truex Jr.

 



#44 John B

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 17:36

If Gordon hadn't had the problem last week and still had an outshot shot at the title the Bowyer story could have been interesting here....



#45 Watkins74

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 17:53

FOX cant get enough of showing Bubba punching slapping the helmet.

 

1 win and Bubba has already turned into a jerk. 



#46 gm914

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 19:55

Kyle Busch took the NNS pole

 

PandaTantrum.gif



#47 Watkins74

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 21:26

Poor SR388. His Vols got crushed again today. 

 

 

 

Roll Tide



#48 Andrew Hope

Andrew Hope
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Posted 09 November 2013 - 21:28

CUP DRIVER WINS LOL



#49 Watkins74

Watkins74
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Posted 09 November 2013 - 21:29

What a lost year for Piquet jr. after so many highs last year.



#50 Dilla

Dilla
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Posted 09 November 2013 - 21:56

Piquet said he had a 4 year plan to get to Sprint Cup. Maybe he should reconfigure that a bit.