194 replies to this topic

[OfficeLinebacker]

This Sunday is the NASCAR season closer and title decider (though it would take some serious trouble from Jimmie Johnson to make it interesting).  We also have the Trucks on Friday and the Nationwide on Saturday, both also season finales and title deciders.

 

This is Juan Pablo Montoya's last race in NASCAR.  This is as close to a "home track" that he has, residing full-time in Miami with his family.  Let's gather to wish him a fond farewell and best luck in his future endeavours, wherever that may be.

 

 

 

Weekend schedule:  http://www.nascar.co...s-coverage.html

 

 

To get the conversation started, which title will be decided in the most dramatic fashion?

[X61]

To get the conversation started, which title will be decided in the most dramatic fashion?

Austin Dillon wins the Nationwide championship without winning a race, so a drunk Brian France comes up with something dumber than the chase for next year in that series.

[Red17]

What a Long, Stange Trip It's Been

 

 

About a year ago many of us were on the verge of witnessing the twilight of Dodge and the perspective of seeing Captain Roger taking one of the few crowns in American racing he had not taken yet. And of course seeing Brad the Kes being the first official twitter champion (well, not really).

 

 

The Gen5? Ah yes, so far only one driver has missed it,

 

 

and was promptly introduced to a bunch of happy going chaps

 

Already in 2012 there was much talk about 2013. The new cars, how the failed contenders would fight back, Danica moving full time to Sprint Cup…

 

 

Fast forward one year and it’s time to wrap it up again!

 

(dont worry, guys, he is not texan he is actually californian, you know, land of Dirty Harry...)

 

 

2013

 

This may be the year where we adopt a well known Genesis song

 

 

Ken Schradder will make his final Cup start at Miami. Phoenix was sold. Montoya converted himself to the deCesaris religion and eventually faded from Ganassi. Tony Stewart took a leave after being jinxed by Jenson Buton (or maybe it was the soda cookies). The defending champion only showed up for a couple races. Marcos couldn’t get a road course victory.  Piquet Jr has gone missing. Nationwide pulled the curtain on sponsorship. … that twilight sure was prophetic.

But not all is bad, Jeff Gordon has a new watch.

 

 

And the 3 has returned! Eat (t)hat!

 

 

The obligatory cat, the guy underneath has faded too.

 

 

And since I got stolen points last week for not using female appeal, here is my candidate, this year’s clear winner of the spam ad championship.  Try to hear it first without watching and you will see the makers were clearly on the hotline:

 

 

Ah yes, there is a formality that drivers must take a few laps before the handing over of the trophies. When that is done we begin our winter regime on simulators (I hear AC shows promise), reruns, trolling, more trolling and anticipate the next season knowing full well that things quite never go the way we expect sometimes.

 

 

Passing on to Andrew unless Vettel gets confused again.

Edited by Red17, 13 November 2013 - 22:41.

[Atreiu]

What will go wrong with Danica this weekend?

[gm914]

Maybe it's the Miami lifestyle, but I think Juan Montoya is turning into Tony Montana ..

 

 

 

Holy **** that was an hour well spent. 

 

[gm914]

...and I totally forgot to write "Go Juan!" 

If it wasn't for Monty, I may never have watched a NASCAR race. 

[Option1]

I'm saving up watching the hotter hot pockets vid.  I got too excited seeing Jeffie's trophy again. 

 

Neil

[LuckyStrike1]

Sam Hornish Jr wins the Nationwide championship while austin Dillon blames everyone for not winning. Thanks to his title Sam Hornish Jr gets a limited Nationwide schedule next year. The only few Cup races Penske will do with three cars they will draft in Montoya instead. 

 

Montoya wins the race! 

 

Kenseth claims the title by putting Johnson in the wall and everyone fights afterwards! 

[V3TT3L]

 

Nate Ryan ‏@nateryan13s

Mood of last year's Sprint Cup championship contenders news conference: Tense and sometimes terse. This year: Goofy and oft giddy. #nascar

Edited by V3TT3L, 14 November 2013 - 17:49.

[SR388]

Go bubba! Go Jeff! Go jimmie!

[Red17]

According to Jayski this is the Chase Maths for this year:

 

 

Regardless of any other drivers finish, Johnson will clinch his sixth NASCAR Sprint Cup championship with a finish of 23rd or better at HMS;
or 24th or better and at least one lap led;
or 25th or better and the most laps led in Sundays Ford EcoBoost 400

 

In short, Kenseth and Harvick need:

 

 

 

 

Will Big Mike play ball?

 

Edited by Red17, 16 November 2013 - 00:19.

[X61]

According to Jayski this is the Chase Maths for this year:

 

 

In short, Kenseth and Kayne need:

[jonpollak]

Maybe it's the Miami lifestyle, but I think Juan Montoya is turning into Tony Montana ..

 

 

No Tony..

Jp

[loki]

No Tony..

 

 

LOL, haven't seen that one before.  I wonder how long I'd last at Trackforum with that as my avatar...

[Andrew Hope]

I don't watch a lot of movies but I did watch Scarface when I was a kid, and it always amazed me how much other kids wanted to be like Tony. I guess they skipped the part of the movie where he becomes a lonely, violent, drug-addicted psychotic mess and fifty billion dollars can't make him happy. But then again I always wanted to be like the Brave Little Toaster so what do I know?

[gm914]

BTW i voted Cup in the poll. **** could still get real. 

I was just thinking about Jimmie's run of championships, and I have a theory.

 

Conspiracy Corner- (final one of 2013) 

All that Lowe's exposure for all those years prompted America to fix up their homes and/or buy new homes to fix up. Taking on debts they couldn't afford, homeowners soon found themselves in trouble with the banks. Markets crashed and the bubble burst, triggering the global Economic collapse. 

 

It's ALL Jimmie's fault! 

So **** you, Jimmie Johnson. And a stink eye in your direction, Gene Hackman. You're on my list too pal.

 

Meanwhile, in Miami: 

 

[Option1]

Damn!  I was wondering where Cuddles got to.  He didn't come inside for his din dins last night and I was terribly worried about him.  He's a sweetie really, despite what those lawsuits from the mailmen allege.  They just didn't tickle his tummy, and can he help it if his favourite treat is the odd arm or leg?

 

Neil

 

PS:  His favourite drive is Kyle Bush, so obviously he does have his downside.  I guess he just identifies with another lizard.

Edited by Option1, 15 November 2013 - 16:54.

[gm914]

Burton fastest in final practice at Homestead:  

#4-Jeb Burton was fastest during the one and only practice for Fridays Ford EcoBoost 200 season finale at Homestead Miami Speedway. Burton ran a fast lap at 167.354 mph. 

He was followed by:  

#3-Ty Dillon 

#31-James Buescher 

#34-Ron Hornaday, Jr. 

#29-Ryan Blaney 

#19-Ross Chastain 

#8-Max Gresham

#9-Nelson Piquet, Jr. 

#77-German Quiroga

#88-Matt Crafton

 

Rooting for Jebediah to get the pole. If he does, he'll break the record (7) for most Poles by a Rookie in NCWTS history, set by Dilldo Sr in 2010. Go Jeb!

Qualifying at 4:30pm ET

Racing at 8:00pm ET 

[SR388]

Bubba ran too slow!!! Go quicker bubba!

[gm914]

Chef's Corner- (final one for 2013) 

We at Chef's Corner would like to thank our loyal NASCAR fans and hope you've enjoyed chopping, dicing, baking, nuking, grilling & roasting with us. Or just plain old ordering in and sitting around in your underpants while you watch the races.

 

We'd also like to thank celebrity TV chef Giada DeLaurentits for her bountiful contribtions to the segment.

I have written small words here. Are you pretending to read them? 

 

 

Let's get cooking!

While the Truck championship is almost a lock, doesn't mean you have to starve.

Why not celebrate the truck veteran's stellar season by getting your Kraft On.

It comes in an insipid shade of yellow to match Crafton's paint-scheme, and helpful serving suggestions on the side of the box. Like their recipe for Tuna Jalapeno Mac & Cheese.

Because you hate your body and sometimes you need to show your sphincter who's the boss.

 

If you're smart, you'll have already wheeled your tv into the bathroom, so you won't miss a minute of Nationwide.

If you already have a tv in your bathroom, you're most likely some kind of rich kid. 

 

What better way to cheer on your favorite driver than by getting your Dill On?

Actually, these are pretty freakin' good. Try 'em. 

 

Need to dip those chips though, huh?

Here are 4 easy steps to make your own, wearable salsa hat!

(Unfortunately Step 4 could not be photographed because we brutally murdered the chef who made this stupid, stupid thing)

 

Too rich for your taste? Prefer Penske?

Then you can't miss with Spam Hormel Jr. 

"Eat it from the can" takes on a whole new meaning.

 

CUP

 What better way to celebrate ol' Six Time than with a couple of gourmet 6 inch subs from Jimmy Johns? 

Here's one we ate earlier. 

 

By now you've probably got a serious case of gut rot, and who could blame you? Fortunately there is only one man who can fix it all, and make everything better again: 

Save us, Matt Kenseth. 

Right, anyone for a Bud? Thought not... 

Let's race! 

 

[Andrew Hope]

Based Dill Pickle. One of the superior chip choices.

 

I'm going to be enjoying some All Dressed chips myself. What's that? Not available in America? Get on my level.

[gm914]

You're eating Mac & Cheese and you know it.

[Andrew Hope]

You're eating Mac & Cheese and you know it.

What's that?

I had some Kraft Dinner for lunch today, but that has nothing to do with Mac & Cheese.

[racinggeek]

What a Long, Stange Trip It's Been

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who's that sitting next to Carl Edwards??

[racinggeek]

Chef's Corner- (final one for 2013) 

We at Chef's Corner would like to thank our loyal NASCAR fans and hope you've enjoyed chopping, dicing, baking, nuking, grilling & roasting with us. Or just plain old ordering in and sitting around in your underpants while you watch the races.

 

We'd also like to thank celebrity TV chef Giada DeLaurentits for her bountiful contribtions to the segment.

I have written small words here. Are you pretending to read them? 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait, you posted that photo after talking about watching races while sitting around in your undies?

[gm914]

Who's that sitting next to Carl Edwards??

That's queen elizabeth regina. The other regina is actually Denny Hamlin. 

[racinggeek]

OK, here's what happens this weekend:

 

TRUCKS: Matt Crafton celebrates his first-ever championship while casual race fans go "Who?" and hard-core race fans go "Why?" The No. 51 Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken wins the race, of course.

 

NATIONWIDE: Sam Hornish takes the title after Austin Dillon gets in a wreck with Joey Logano, who then calls Dillon a silver-spoon, spoiled punk. The No. 54 Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken wins the race, of course.

 

CUP: Jimmie goes Six-Time by staying out of trouble and cruising to 21st place while Kenseth wins the race, whereupon the TV heads will gush about yet another "exciting" finish to the Chase.

Edited by racinggeek, 16 November 2013 - 04:25.

[gm914]

Crafton won at Kansas.

[Red17]

Damn!  I was wondering where Cuddles got to.  He didn't come inside for his din dins last night and I was terribly worried about him.  He's a sweetie really, despite what those lawsuits from the mailmen allege.  They just didn't tickle his tummy, and can he help it if his favourite treat is the odd arm or leg?

 

Neil

 

PS:  His favourite drive is Kyle Bush, so obviously he does have his downside.  I guess he just identifies with another lizard.

 

Don't try to play up sir. We know you trained him to go after the green car. You wrote it yourself, he identifies with other lizards.

[Red17]

Kenseth on provisional pole, but 3 Hendrick cars yet to qualify as well as the Penskes. Montoya ooked like the looser car on track.

[SR388]

Jeff qualified poorly.

[gm914]

Kenseth hangs on. Kurt 2nd. Harvick and Jimmie in the top 10. Monty 26th. 

Blaney took the truck pole.

[Andrew Hope]

Kenseth hangs on. Kurt 2nd. Harvick and Jimmie in the top 10. Monty 26th. 

Blaney took the truck pole.

How long have you had that avatar? I need to pay better attention to this ****.

[SR388]

 

I have written small words here. Are you pretending to read them? 

 

 

 

I want to be a blouse when I grow up. 

[SR388]

Wtf is bubba doing? 

[SR388]

Bubba is driving now!

[discover23]

...and I totally forgot to write "Go Juan!"
If it wasn't for Monty, I may never have watched a NASCAR race.

Same here. Come on Monty gives us a well deserve top 5 in your last NASCAR race..

[Andrew Hope]

Confession time: I used to follow Trucks a few years back and only got back into them this year when I saw the schedule with Eldora and Mosport and whatever else, and it took me until around Eldora to realize Darrell Wallace and Bubba Wallace were the same people. I'm always doing other **** watching Trucks since all I have is a stream. And then some time around July I figured it out and felt like a God damn ******. I knew who Darrell Wallace was obviously, but from time to time as I had the audio from the stream in my ear and I was doing something else I'd hear about this mysterious Bubba Wallace and figured he was some start-and-parker. In my defense I kind of just figure all these NASCAR families like Busch/Earnhardt/Wallace/Burton etc. have cousins that come out of the woodwork to run a few races here and there and then I finally figured it out. I'm a moron.

[gm914]

How long have you had that avatar? I need to pay better attention to this ****.

Since your Phoenix OP. 

Took a pair of tits for you to notice, huh? 

[SR388]

My traditional friday snack:
 

 

 

I hate my anus, apparently. 

[gm914]

Cong rats Crafton. Title is now clinched. 

[gm914]

My traditional friday snack:
 

 

 

I hate my anus, apparently. 

Try eating them instead dude. 

[SR388]

Well ****. 

[Andrew Hope]

You can hate it all you want. One day you'll find a nice lady who will love every part of you so you don't have to.

 

This is knowledge gained from experience.

[SR388]

For God's sake. Bubba crashes then Kyle takes the lead. Bunch of BS!

[Andrew Hope]

We four-wide for 1st now!

[SR388]

So Andy, what is with the picture of Kyle crashing at Watkins Glen last year with the ghost man laughing? Who is the man? I love the picture. 

[Andrew Hope]

BLAAAAAAAAAAAANEYYYYYYYY

[pingu666]

forgot pk was in a truck this race

[Andrew Hope]

So Andy, what is with the picture of Kyle crashing at Watkins Glen last year with the ghost man laughing? Who is the man? I love the picture. 

 

That's Orson Welles, he was a stage actor among other things in the 40s and 50s. He died in 1985 but his legend lives on among degenerates, which you can read about here. People Photoshop that picture of him laughing dramatically into other sports images. I used to know where that specific picture came from but I can't remember, I think it's some sort of outtake from a movie or some ****. Extra points if you Shop him laughing at someone who's a douchebag anyway, like Kyle Busch.

 

 

By the way that link isn't really NSFW but for the record, it's Encyclopedia Dramatica so you might want to keep it on the down low if you're on someone else's computer right now.

Edited by Andrew Hope, 16 November 2013 - 02:39.