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Pre-Indy Grand Prix of Alabama: weekend thread for good ol' boys


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#1 Risil

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 20:27

alabama-tax-filing-requirements.jpg

 

Verizon Indycar Racing Series 2014 Round Three: Barber Motorsports Park

Track length: 2.38 miles / 3.59 versts (you can thank me later Mikhail)

Laps: 90

Turns: 17

Previous winner: Ryan Hunter-Reay (Andretti-Chevy)

Anagram: Poor Mr Tost's Krap Barber

 

 

Welcome to Barber Motorsports Park, the Deep South's premier non-deathtrap racing venue! Medium speed, medium length and medium undulation, the only thing that's not medium here is the medium-to-high level of excitement that the racing provides! Or, as Indycar.com would have it, “The 2.38-mile circuit has 17 flowing turns and features 80 feet of elevation change that challenge drivers and engineers. A 45-foot-wide racing ribbon also makes it imperative for patient overtaking opportunities.”

 

No, me neither! I like the use of '80 feet of elevation change' as the plural subject though. It's as if each and every foot presents exactly one-eightieth of the challenge.

 

That's neither here nor there. But here's a schedule!

Friday, April 25

10:00-10:45: Indycar practice 1

13:15-13:45: Pro Mazda qualifying

14:00-14:45: Indycar practice 2

15:00-15:45: Indy Lights qualifying

16:00-16:30: USF2000 qualifying

16:45-18:30: Pirelli World Challenge Qualifying

 

Saturday, April 26 (if you like feeder series and GT3 racing this is totally the budget-priced day for you)

09:05-09:45: USF2000 Race 1

10:00-10:45: Indycar practice 3

11:00-11:40: Pro Mazda Race 1

12:00-12:40: Indy Lights Race

13:00-13:40: USF2000 Race 2

14:00-15:10: Indycar qualifying!

13:00-13:40: USF2000 Race 2

15:55-16:45: Pirelli World Challenge (GT/GTA/GTS) Race 1

17:15-18:00: Pirelli World Challenge (TC/TCA/TCB) Race 1

 

Sunday, April 27

09:05-09:45: Pro Mazda Race 2

10:00-10:30: Indycar warm-up

10:55-11:45: Pirelli World Challenge GTs Race 2

12:15-13:15: Indy Lights Race 2 sponsored by Wait, there's an Indy Lights race 2?

14:15-16:15: Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama for 90 laps! YES!

17:00-17:45: More Pirelli World Challenge (touring cars I think?) race 2

 

1104w-quaker-quick-grits-l.jpg?400:400

 

Alabama? Sounds like a fruity Spanish Communist place to me

You couldn't be more wrong! Despite voting Democrat for most of the twentieth century, Leader of the Anti-American Communist Party Barack Obama has had a hard time convincing Alabamians to follow his godless programme of despair and serfdom, with citizens narrowly defeating a motion to rename the state AlObama in honour of their Commander-in-Chief.

 

Famous Alabamos include George Costanza's favourite author Truman Capote, Indy 500 flavour of the month Jim Nabors, sour-faced segregationist George Wallace and, at least in his earthly persona, the inestimable Sun Ra. And probably a bunch of NASCAR drivers. Alabama's largest city is called Birmingham and its oldest city is called Mobile, which despite the name has stayed in the same place since 1702.

 

nunst002.gif

Looks like the image failed to load to me

 

Questions

The last couple of weeks threw up a lot of questions which I have no intention of answering here. Questions like: Does Tony Kanaan really drive for Ganassi? Are drivers just allowed to crash each other off now? Did Montoya get a legit fourth place or did everyone have to crash in front of him? Is Graham Rahal still a professional racing driver? Can Castroneves & Castroneves Tax and Social Media Consultants Inc recover from their latest setback?

 

These are questions which only time and possibly Prost1997T can answer. In the meantime here's a picture of the giant metal LSD spiders which one day will carry on their backs the Barber motorcycle collection and breeding partners from the Andretti and Unser families to safe ground in the Appalachians when the nuclear holocaust comes.

 

s1_1.jpg

I for one welcome our arachnid overlords

 

The World as Will Power and Representation
Will Power is getting a lot of snooty press for ramming Simon Pagenaud off the road last race. This act of ruining a leading Honda driver's day was balanced by his red-tyre-inspired charge from fourth scaring the top three off the road all at the same corner. Power is truly the Superman to whom the little matters of right and wrong that restrain us from cheating or stealing or posting comments about race officials on Twitter don't apply. All hail Uberwill!

 

But don't hail Sebastien Bourdais. His drive at Barber in 2012, finishing ninth in that ungodly JPS/McAfee Lotus which was about as powerful as the one in Grand Prix Legends, has entered racing folklore in the way that only ninth-place finishes can. Indycar's least popular underdog had a pretty undistinguished race at St Pete but ran briefly near the front at Long Beach before some kind of brake issue caused him not to put the brakes on hard enough under pressure from James “The Mayor” Hinchcliffe. But this is his first full season of anything since being Sebastian Vettel's teammate in 2008 and it would be nice if he got some results to demonstrate that he should've had full-time drivers in 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2013 too. See also: Jack Hawksworth, Charlie Kimball.

 

Better mention tyre degradation too. For some reason the performance of the Firestone compounds dominates the racing just as much as Pirelli does for F1, but for some reason when an Indycar race is made exciting by the red compound being a second a lap quicker than the black one, or when it falls apart after five laps, the nattering nabobs of negativism -- and indeed the hopeless hysterical hypochondriacs of history -- don't climb out of their pits and make a fuss that usually ends in invoking Lotus 49s, Mclaren-Hondas and sometimes Michael Schumacher doing 10 qualifying laps in a row in Budapest. But they've decided the last two races at Barber, so watch out for whose sidewall is what colour at which times on Sunday. Every race I have a grand plan to make notes about when drivers pull into the pits and what tyre they use on each stints and each time it falls apart in the opening laps. 

 

What are you talking about? I don't even like Indycar

Well you're in luck because although this weekend is by no means on the racing calendar A-list, there are other ways to waste your glorious late-spring weekend. NASCAR are for once racing further north, albeit only as far as Richmond, Virginia, and there's MotoGP from the land of Martin Fierro and Lionel Messi. If you're really desperate there's Formula Renault 3.5 from one of the Spanish circuits, and you could probably watch the football or old episodes of Robot Wars on Youtube.

 

But for anyone who does like Indycar, or at least likes football or Robot Wars even less, I can promise you we'll have a motor race on a real proper racing track on Sunday. All the other Indycar races at Barber have been good, so this one probably will be too. Have I sold it to you yet?


Edited by Risil, 23 April 2014 - 20:45.


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#2 SR388

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 20:32

Headed over on Saturday. Looking forward to it!

#3 Risil

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 20:47

Awesome! Take some pictures for us. Apparently the weather's looking good for the weekend?



#4 Afterburner

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 21:16

Thanks for handling this one, Risil. Wanted to get it but have been extraordinarily busy and exhausted on creativity powers lately. :lol:

Headed over on Saturday. Looking forward to it!

Awesome. Wish I could go; instead, I'm flagging the 'Mitty' at Road Atlanta this weekend, with old F1 cars, some Group C monsters, and other fiery goodness that you don't get to see at full speed in many other places these days. As much as I'd love to go [back] to Barber, Indy @ Barber will have to wait until next year--sorry, guys. :p

#5 OvDrone

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 21:40

Risil, I take my hat off to you again, sir. I too welcome those rusty arachnid overlords. When I first saw that picture on my Facebook wall, courtesy of the Indycar page, I thought I was having some sort of fever dream induced by my overly European wine intake. It seems that it is not, and I have to thank our Wanker-Lord Power Will for that.

 

Robot Wars, man... I used to watch that as a kid with some buddies from school. What total nerds.

 

Let us unleash the Juan Pablo for the third time this year, amin.



#6 prommer

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 21:46

I love Risil's OPs so much.  And I'm sure prost1997T will be in here soon enough to confirm that fact.

 

In the meantime, please spare a thought for the Grand Marshal of this race, Joe Namath, who will forever be remembered in Indianapolis as the broadcaster who continued to call their team the "Baltimore Colts" at least a decade after they moved from Wire-ville.

 

And he might be remembered for some other things.

 

Joe-Namath-Red-Clay-Soul-2.jpg

 

BfjQkb_CIAAcelT-1-600x411.jpg

 

 



#7 jonpollak

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 02:16

George-Wallace.jpg

Jp



#8 eronrules

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 02:22

thanks risil for educating us non-ma'rikans about Alabama ... for the majority of us, alabama represents these images ...

 

1. them likes to use good'ol Bible as weapons ... literally 

1. artworks-000066329890-l4j0m3-original.jp

 

2. everyone carries a Bible on their belt ... for some reason (hence 'Bible Belt)

 

tumblr_inline_mss9rlKas71qz4rgp.jpg

 

3. local's best recreational activity seems to be shooting signposts ...

 

2012-04-20%2B001%2B017%2B%2528640x480%25

 

4. they really, really, Top Gear from that England-land ... for some reason

 

5. and finally ... this thing here

 

BBQ-NO-MUSLIM-RESTURUANT.2JPG.jpg

 

now ... back to indycar ...

 

it was funny to here sort of self admission from Will 'Taz' Power about stewards not being strict enough with there punishments. :rolleyes: i guess we'll have to wait till we get his 'double birdies' when he's on the receiving end.

 

top things we should be (or demand to be) informed by those indycar journos ...

 

who will Will Bang next time from behind???  :p 

 

does the Stewards have the Will or Power to do anything to stop Will or others Willing to do the same as Will???

 

the eye examination report of RHR.



#9 teejay

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 02:24

Can Castroneves & Castroneves Tax and Social Media Consultants Inc recover from their latest setback?

 

 


Heheheheheheheheheeeeeeeeee!
 
Will Andretti somehow find another way to rip great results directly out of their hands?


#10 Magoo

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 03:35

 thank you. 

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#11 SophieB

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 07:57

 

Welcome to Barber Motorsports Park, the Deep South's premier non-deathtrap racing venue! Medium speed, medium length and medium undulation, the only thing that's not medium here is the medium-to-high level of excitement that the racing provides! Or, as Indycar.com would have it, “The 2.38-mile circuit has 17 flowing turns and features 80 feet of elevation change that challenge drivers and engineers. A 45-foot-wide racing ribbon also makes it imperative for patient overtaking opportunities.”

 

 

Ron? Is that you???

 

Also, fantastic OP, Risil.



#12 Vitesse2

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 09:09

What with all this talk of rusty spiders, George Wallace and NASCAR I'm beginning to get confused ...

 

rusty-wallace.jpg

 

So, just so I understand, it's taking place in a barber's, somewhere in the Alabama woods?

 

Barber%27s_pole%2C_Drummond_Street_-_geo

 

Bloody poles, coming over here and stealing our jobs ... :drunk:



#13 PayasYouRace

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 09:16

So, just so I understand, it's taking place in a barber's, somewhere in the Alabama woods?

 

 

 

Bloody poles, coming over here and stealing our jobs ... :drunk:

 

I've also heard it's in Birmingham, so that sounds about right.

 

Also, given that apparently Jack Hawksworth sounds like Nigel Mansell, he'll fit in well with the locals at this race.



#14 Option1

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 10:53

Apparently they even have their own band:

 

 

Neil



#15 eronrules

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 13:03

of course, when one talks about alabama and music ... the most obvious song that springs to mind is ...

 

 

fun fact, the first i heard about this song and that there's a place called alabama ... and that most of the band's players died is from this movie when i was a wee lad  :smoking:

 

 

back when nick cage was the ****  :love: now he's just ****.  :well:

 

and john malkovich being john malkovich  :love:  :love:

 

i miss 90's action flicks and sorry for the OT



#16 Prost1997T

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 16:11

Didn't realise I was that famous, heh. :confused:

 

I noticed a lot of entries in USF2000 and Pro Mazda, over 20 cars each. Good stuff :up:



#17 paulb

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 16:55

Yea, IndyCar!  Racing and goodtimes. A welcome break from the 10000 microscopic, wearisome driver A vs driver B, car A vs car B threads.

 

The arachnids need LED eyeballs.



#18 Disgrace

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 17:30

What a brilliant little circuit this is, easily one of the best on the calendar.

 



#19 whitewaterMkII

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 17:37

 

The arachnids need LED eyeballs.

Oh please.

They aren't Audis....yet.



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#20 king_crud

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 19:21

What a brilliant little circuit this is, easily one of the best on the calendar.

 

 

and not a tarmac run off area in sight



#21 FBJim

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 19:35

What a brilliant little circuit this is, easily one of the best on the calendar.

 

It reminds me a bit of Oulton Park, or even Cadwell in a way, it does have the feel of a British club circuit to it. Would be perfect for BTCC.  :D



#22 eronrules

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 19:41

What a brilliant little circuit this is, easily one of the best on the calendar.

 

actually this circuit with it's fast left right chicanes, blind corners, and undulation reminds me of the last section of nordschleife, after carousel, up till mini carousel



#23 PayasYouRace

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Posted 24 April 2014 - 19:44

It reminds me a bit of Oulton Park, or even Cadwell in a way, it does have the feel of a British club circuit to it. Would be perfect for BTCC.  :D

 

I've often thought the same.  :up:



#24 Risil

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 21:07

Friday practice update: Long Beach's early protagonists (that would be Hunter-Reay, Hinch, Newgarden, Bourdais, Pagenaud) quick. Will Power too, predictably. Kanaan doesn't look like he's got going. Montoya quick in the morning, slow in the afternoon. Rookies slow, except Munoz who's fast. But since we're talking about a top 19 separated by under a second, I'm waiting till Saturday afternoon for SIGNALS.

 

Robin Miller's practice report has the fun stat that Scott Dixon has finished second every time at Barber. Would suggest that that would be a good result for him Sunday, given his season so far.



#25 prommer

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 22:56

Set your DVRs...

 

BmFHQuxCcAAhuyn.jpg



#26 PayasYouRace

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 23:00

Formula One?



#27 prommer

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 23:17

Look, I know Bernie wants to expand in America, but come now!   :drunk:


Edited by prommer, 25 April 2014 - 23:18.


#28 Ben1445

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 09:33

I'm looking forward to this race! Since BT Sport launched I have finally had live UK access to IndyCar. I had to go by highlights only before then. Pagenaud is the reason I started, saw him at Silverstone the year before and when he got the IndyCar drive I decided to follow. Barber is a nice track, I'll be watching  :)



#29 Dolph

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 11:03

Set your DVRs...

 

BmFHQuxCcAAhuyn.jpg

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#30 Juan Kerr

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 12:05

HAHA!!! His neck is in great shape in that picture though.



#31 jonpollak

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 13:19

Are we in some mondo bizzaro parallel universe where black is white and up is down?

notlikely.jpg

 

Jp



#32 eronrules

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 15:48

 

drivers preview barber 

 

also ... http://msn.foxsports...-beach-fallout/

 

 

The Long Beach flareups included Pagenaud refusing to accept an apology after getting spun from behind by Will Power. 

yoda talks from Hinchcliffe ...  :cat: 

 

“I don’t think we’re in the business of retaliating in IndyCar,” said Hinchcliffe. The only guy that really leaves Long Beach with anything to get back at is maybe Simon. So we’ll see. Will might want to be careful around him on-track.

:p

HULK Pagenaud mad   ;) 
 

 

 Pagenaud has said Power “set the tone for the rest of the season.” 

“I feel that there is some retaliation, but I don’t think anybody’s stupid enough to do something crazy,” 

 

 

i soooo hope that they take each other out ... then 

 


Edited by eronrules, 26 April 2014 - 15:57.


#33 Ross Stonefeld

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 16:39

You'll never win a title being emotional like that.

 

 

However, emotional and title winning Bourdais is ominously quick this weekend.



#34 eronrules

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 17:16

You'll never win a title being emotional like that.

 

 

was it for S.pagenaud or Will Powah??? :confused:

 

also,  :up: for bourdais, i really want him to do good and win something.


Edited by eronrules, 26 April 2014 - 17:18.


#35 X61

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 18:01

Am I missing something on my TV guide, or is qualifying not being aired again?



#36 Ross Stonefeld

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 18:13

It's almost always delayed.

 

 

Yeah, 11:30pm on my local guide.


Edited by Ross Stonefeld, 26 April 2014 - 18:14.


#37 eronrules

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 19:04

now that's an image ... 

 

we should call it ... the 'Spidey view'   ;)

 

who knows if Hinchcliffe's spidey senses are tingling  :smoking:

 

1398528124.jpg



#38 Risil

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 20:15

Don't brake till you can see all eight of the whites of their eyes.



#39 Option1

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 20:36

I went to look at the Indycar website, but I couldn't see it.  Think someone vomited all over my screen.  What were they thinking!!??!!

 

Neil



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#40 whitewaterMkII

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 21:03

I went to look at the Indycar website, but I couldn't see it.  Think someone vomited all over my screen.  What were they thinking!!??!!

 

Neil

yep, total junk

I was attempting to get the Q results and live timing, bah, sucks

I come up w/ 

1/ Power

2/ Hinch

3/ RHR

4/ Newgarden

5/ Dixon

6/ HCN

7/ Munoz

8/ JPM

 

and that's about all I can find.



#41 Radoye

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 21:11

http://www.imscdn.co...ual Results.pdf



#42 911

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 22:00

I like the way Josef is driving this year.  He's been consistently quick and I would really like to see him win one in 2014.



#43 Prost1997T

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 22:13

 

Or: http://www.autosport...t.php/id/113658

 

http://www.crash.net...ng-results.html

 

http://www.indycar.c...l-Results-HIGPA

 

http://racer.com/ind...-pole-at-barber



#44 Disgrace

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 22:24

That's a good effort from Aleshin.



#45 PayasYouRace

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 22:30

Qualy highlights:

 



#46 SR388

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 22:48

Wow Alabama has a lot of black people. Pity none of the women are attractive.

Also it's over 85 degrees here.

#47 MattPete

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Posted 26 April 2014 - 23:55

The field is over a second slower than last year.  How come?



#48 Prost1997T

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 00:24

The field is over a second slower than last year.  How come?

 

Very high temperatures this weekend (130F to be exact).



#49 eronrules

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 01:11

y can't people post temp in Celsius (u know, like most normal people ... damn 'marikans, use MKS :mad:  ) :kiss:  ??? it's confusing to see temp up past boiling pt (he he he)

 

indycar website is like playing 'where's waldo'  :p

 

my spidey senses were tingling last night that Will Power will power through to pole. (not poland)  :drunk:

 

bad for pagenaud, he has to climb 9 places to get revenge. good effort from JPM. (considering the track). newgarden  :up: i like SFHR, it has a home feel to it due to it's smallness.

 

bourdais ... oh bourdais ... y u no qualify top 10.  :evil: i was rooting for him. both frenchies are just a 'bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys'



#50 Afterburner

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 03:47

bourdais ... oh bourdais ... y u no qualify top 10. :evil: i was rooting for him. both frenchies are just a 'bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys'


As someone who is part French: THIS MEANS WAR! :evil: