55 replies to this topic

[Richard T]

With the FIA having a go at banning "car and driver performance-related radio messages", the teams are bound to invent their own "language" to advise the drivers on what they can observe from the pit wall.

Now I thought it would be fun if we could help them by coming up with our own pit-to-car instructions

I'm first out with the topic title:
Team: "Kimi, your magnum is melting, pit now"

Or:
"Ok Sebastian we're out of Red Bull, Daniel has more red bull than you."

Shoot!
(Written on my iPhone, so I'm sorry if the formatting is crazy ;) )

Edited by Richard T, 11 September 2014 - 12:48.

[Disgrace]

Points should be awarded to whoever claims "she needs more of ze punishment!"

[Lotus53B]

DriverX, throw your toys out of the pram...  translation : Let your teammate past, he's faster than you...

[NoSanityClause]

Arleschay Ittingwhay uckssay!

[Bleu]

Will the team members spot more deer on the track?

[noikeee]

You can get more poo poo in your nappy into turn 1 Max.

[KenCravillion]

"Jenson, please butter the kitten"

 

"Both sides?"

 

"Just the belly"

[Zava]

I don't know if it was discussed in the other topic, so I'll just throw it in here: are questions of the state of the car prohibited as well? if not, I'll go with "Jenson, don't you feel like one of your brakes, for example the rear right, is overheating?" or even "let us know if you feel like short shifting gears 2 and 3 out of turns 6, 8 and 12 due to managing a gearbox issue".

 

other than that, "Valtteri, please save your drink for the next five laps" then "OK Valtteri, you've got enough drink to go till the end now".

[DaddyCool]

Use the force, Lewis!

You're a wizard, Nico!

[Lights]

"Lewis, it's hammer time"

 

Oh, wait.

[Slartibartfast]

Webber: "I need 2 more turns of front wing at the stop."
RBR: "Mark, we're on air...use code, please."
Webber: "Ok, code 2 at apple."
RBR: "Roger, 2 at apple. We'll stick a grape on the duster."
Webber: "Max is a perverted fascist with **** for brains."
RBR: "...er, can't find that code, Mark."
Webber: "Who said anything about code? Are we still on air?"
RBR: "Not for much longer, I suspect..."

 

Shamelessly environment-consciously recycled from a previous thread

[rodlamas]

Well, if Mclaren speak in Dannish with KMag, I bet my bal*s that nothing will be done. Same for the Finnish drivers.

 

ON the funny side

 

1) Stella: "Fernando, pastta alla bolognesa?" Alonso: "Al dente."

2) Jenson: "Do we have the new bike for the IronMan?" Sallard: "only in Japan, not in Hawaaii"

3) Massa: "Should I go to Mode 1?" "Smedley: "FELIPE BABY, STAY COOL."

4) Hamilton: "Is Nico P2?" Bonno: "He's been with Rosco to the toillet."

[Atreiu]

Bowser has a blue shell = let your teammate through.

Edited by Atreiu, 11 September 2014 - 14:17.

[HuddersfieldTerrier1986]

Pitwall: "Fred, time for your favourite meal" (time for a pitstop for the option tyres)

Alonso: "Yabba dabba doo!" (woohoo, I can actually go quick for once!")

Edited by HuddersfieldTerrier1986, 11 September 2014 - 14:29.

[Jimisgod]

Kimi should use magnum flavors.

Caramel for yellow ring tyre, strawberry for red, vanilla for white...

Cookies and cream for a pit stop, Almond for 'go nuts'.

Is Lewis still seeing that singer? Easy, use her song titles!

Dan could use some good old Aussie slang.

[PAGATRON]

I already posted mine in the other thread, I seriously think some colorful coded messages are the way to go.

 

Frenando we need a royal flush at turn 6.

[GoldenColt]

RB were ahead of their time...

 

Edited by GoldenColt, 11 September 2014 - 14:54.

[thuGG]

"Jenson, please butter the kitten"

 

"Both sides?"

 

"Just the belly"

Winner!

[jonpollak]

Yep..Ken's Buttered Kitty gets the chicken dinner.

 

but in all seriousness...

I sent an email to Jock asking Peter to call it "Hamil-time"... now we'll never hear it damnit.

Jp

Edited by jonpollak, 11 September 2014 - 16:44.

[DampMongoose]

An old one but...

 

 

Felipe, Valteri's mum has knitted him a jumper, repeat that's a pullover for Valteri. 

[GAZF1nut]

I'd love it if someone can come up with a britney reference for Nico.

[DampMongoose]

I'd love it if someone can come up with a britney reference for Nico.

 

If he has contact with Hamilton on another occasion, "oops I did it again" might be appropriate? Hamilton could always counter with hit me baby one more time?

[r4mses]

Her discography easily got enough stuff for a conversation 

 

Toto: Nico, you drive me crazy!

ROS: Oops, I did it again!

Nikki: Do Somethin'! Work Bitch!

ROS: Someday!

HAM: I'm (no) slave 4 u!

Edited by r4mses, 11 September 2014 - 15:43.

[TimRTC]

Monza:

 

Nico, when you are driving down the main straight, are you getting tired arms?

[Vickyy]

"You are doing awesome job, you do not need to burn midnight oil anymore"   #savefuel

[Atreiu]

Do I have to save fuel?

"No, no, no". = Yes.

[R Soul]

Pit wall: "Seb, there's a hole in your bucket. Repeat, there is a hole in your bucket."

 

Commentator: "Vettel is slowing down! He's slowing down! Has he got a problem or is he just managing the car?"

[Longtimefan]

Semaphore is the future of F1 communication.

 

[Callisto]

Great thread :-)

[travbrad]

Jean (Eric Vergne) has a long mustache.

[warp]

Lambiase: Checo, 2 more chillis on your chimichangas

Checo: Will I have enough chillies for my tacos?

Lambiase: Yup, those will send you straight to the bathroom.  

[ottostreet]

Forget about codes, whats to stop teams using a high end walkie talkie system? Standalone system, no connections to the car. Simple battery powered receiver in the ear/embedded in the lining of their helmets, walkie talkie to chat. Not sure how teams would be able to hide the errant signal being broadcast everywhere, but they are smart. Surely there are ways around this ban that would require invasive searches to be able to discover!

[warp]

 

Twitter updates on a Google Glass... "If Kimi would accelerate earlier in T2 and T5 he would be getting a better lap time"   

[george1981]

 

Fernando is faster than you.

To any driver, regardless of the message the team want to get across. This should be given to Alonso every lap IMO.

[Bloggsworth]

Stop sucking on your liquorice Allsorts (Your rear tyres are degrading). Your Polo Mint is almost finished (Your front brake discs are nearly shot).  When you put the Cornish Paties in the oven, don't set the oven too high, about regulo 3 should do (Cut the wheelspin coming out of turn 3).

[Bloggsworth]

Stop sucking on your liquorice Allsorts (Your rear tyres are degrading). Your Polo Mint is almost finished (Your front brake discs are nearly shot).  When you put the Cornish Paties in the oven, don't set the oven too high, about regulo 3 should do (Cut the wheelspin coming out of turn 3).

 

"Jenson, please butter the kitten"

 

"Both sides?"

 

"Just the belly"

 

Well, that's no good, the kitten always lands on its feet anyway...

[Nustang70]

Pit Wall:  "Nico, you have a hydration problem.  This is a health and safety concern.  For optimal hydration, drink more at Turns 9 & 10, slightly less at Turn 6, and try to drink flat out through Eau Rouge."

[GoldenColt]

This would come in handy...

[Richard T]

"Alright Checo you lost two cookies in sector one compared to Nico."

[Vitesse2]

Jean (Eric Vergne) has a long mustache.

Vraiment But I'm not sure what you could do with ...

 

Les sanglots longs

Des violons

De l’automne

Blessent mon cœur

D’une langueur

Monotone.

[Mat13]

'Nico, Stop...hammertime!'

'Felipe, drink more Martini on the exit of turn 8, then spit it out again into 9. We'll get Valteri's shoes sticky.'

'Jenson, Kevin is using the best a man can get. Use seven blades for a closer shave on the straights.'

'I can't think of how to code this Pastor, so sod it. Turn right when the track goes right. That's RIGHT. No, that's reverse...'

[Richard T]

OK so the FIA has banned my thread...
http://www.autosport...t.php/id/115824

So I guess it's... /Thread

[sopa]

OK so the FIA has banned my thread...
http://www.autosport...t.php/id/115824

So I guess it's... /Thread

 

Allowed

- Telling a driver when he is allowed to or meant to stop for new tyres

- Team orders in terms of overtaking or letting a team-mate past

- Warning a driver about the traffic situation during qualifying and the race

- Safety warning relating to yellow flags or dangerous situations on the track

Not allowed

- Informing a driver to change any settings on his car to improve its performance

- Informing a driver about his fuel consumption and how to manage his pace

- Informing a driver about his own performance in sectors and where he can improve

- Informing a driver about the condition or state of his tyres

- Informing a driver how best to approach the formation lap or setting changes to make better start

 

 

Can we find a loophole on these things?

 

"Come into the pits on lap 32" - normal speech

"Please come into the pits on lap 32" - re-set brake bias balance

"You will come into the pits on lap 32" - you are short of fuel

"You are expected to pit on lap 32" - there is a tyre degradation issue

[Option1]

I don't think, "Lewis, Nicole is wearing a thong." could be interpreted as being code.  More like a factual observation that may have an inadvertent effect of helpng Lewis drive faster around certain curves.

 

In other words, yeh right FIA this will be about as enforceable as track limits.

 

Neil

[HeadFirst]

An old one but...

 

 

Felipe, Valteri's mum has knitted him a jumper, repeat that's a pullover for Valteri. 

 

Brilliant!!!!! Top step of the podium for you..    

[GoldenColt]

 

Vraiment But I'm not sure what you could do with ...

 

Les sanglots longs

Des violons

De l’automne

Blessent mon cœur

D’une langueur

Monotone.

 

 

D-Day?

[Red17]

I sense lots of colorful updates on the pitboards.

[Rentta]

For bottas and kimi it could be something like this :

 

Perkele Front tire 

Perkeleen perkele Rear tire 

Perkeleleestä Tires 

Jumalauta Ers 

Jumankauta Drs 

Jumalavita Kers 

Saatana Slower than your teammate on this sector

Saatanan saatana Your teammate just put in fastest lap 

On se nyt saatana You are pushing too hard but still not matching him

 

etc

[SpartanChas]

They need a man on the pitwall doing hand signals

 

Edited by SpartanChas, 12 September 2014 - 19:38.

[Buttoneer]

Driver; Now?

Engineer; No you're cold.

Driver; Now?

Engineer; No you're still cold.

Driver; How about now?

Engineer; Warmer.

Driver; And.....now?

Engineer; Getting warmer...

Driver; Ah cool,now then?

Engineer; Almost hot.

Driver; Now?

Engineer; Boiling!  Really steaming hot!

Driver; Excellent, so it's that corner where I'm losing time?

Engineer; No you're cold again.  This is stupid, lets try the setting instead.

Driver; This dial?

Engineer; No.

Driver; This dial?

Engineer; No.

Driver; This button?

Engineer; That's your drink.

Driver; Oh yeah, what about this one?

Engineer; Forget it.

.