"This IndyCar Series sure is a lot of things but boring isn't one of them."
- Plato, The Apology.
Welcome one, welcome all to the third round of the 2015 Verizon IndyCar Series! Please, pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. But leave your muddy boots outside, thanks.
Yes, you heard right. Just one week after NOLA, IndyCar is back on the streets of Long Beach.
I see them afraid. I see them insecure. I see them sad. I see them desperate.
The only thing all of them have in common they never let IndyCar in their heart.
They ridicule the thought of a series that races on road courses, street tracks and ovals.
They call it "American GP2". They feel smart because of it. They feel superior to others because of it. They feel more evolved because of it.
But are they happy? Do they feel comfort?
It is a sad, sad life when you do not accept Dear IndyCar into your heart. When you refuse to believe that there is an alternative to F1 that awaits each and every one of us.
ToxicEnvironment, The Paddock Club.
*In the style of Philomena Cunk*
But what are IndyCar?
How do you answer a broad a question as that? The simple answer is there is no logical way to explain IndyCar. IndyCar…well, it’s like life. Some days you have a really crappy day. Other days you feel like you can achieve anything. While occasionally there are times when you are left to question what really just happened.
IndyCar, essentially, is brilliant. You just never know what’s going to happen, and just as soon as you think you’ve seen it all, it’ll surprise you. Surprise you in both good, and utterly dreadful, ways.
Where are they racing this weekend?
I thought I made that clear already. Long Beach.
Is it long?
Erm…the track is 1.968 miles in length and features eleven corners. So, not really.
Is it a beach?
No. Among other things the track has never been referred to as include ‘The Zandvoort of America’ and ‘A really good place to host a modern day F1 race’.
Haven’t we been here before, just a couple of weeks ago?
Yes, but that was Formula E, in which Nelson Piquet Jr won. I’ll leave it at that before I end up calling him a dick again…
Formula E, presumably.
I missed last weekend’s race. What happened?
Count yourself lucky. Basically, not a lot.
The race started well, with Juan Pablo Montoya leading team mate Will Power on a damp but drying track. Further down the order, Tony Kanaan tried his hand at rallycross, but things remained fairly static at the front.
That was until cars started switching to dry tyres. Tony Kanaan then tried some swamp buggy racing.
It looked like such good fun that Sage Karam Gabby Chaves tried it, which didn’t work as well. But thankfully, an international man of mystery came to his aid.
Unfortunately, this brought a caution out. Which was swiftly followed by another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And guess what? Yep, another. Two of which were caused by the luckless Karam.
The final caution meant the race finished a long time after people had lost the will to live. But it did at least provide one of few talking points of the event.
This race…I mean procession behind the safety car, was ultimately won by James Hinchcliffe. He won, partly because he was one of few drivers not to spin or crash, and partly because he stayed out while others pitted, realising there were likely to be another 53 trillion cautions to come.
Unsurprisingly, the race has been labelled by many as the ‘worst race ever’ and ‘awful’, along with many other comments that aren’t suitable to be repeated on this forum.
Sounds bad. Okay, what happened at this race last year?
You mean you don’t remember?
It was a typical IndyCar race, in which everyone who looked likely to win ended up somehow not winning.
Ryan Hunter-Reay qualified on pole, and dominated much of the race, ahead of James Hinchcliffe. That was until lap 56, when Josef Newgarden rejoined in the lead, following a pit stop. With Hunter-Reay, Hinchcliffe and Power all on his tail, it looked like we were in for a classic finish.
Then this happened.
That promoted Will Power to the lead. But it was Scott Dixon who led the race in the closing stages, till he was forced to make a splash and dash stop, handing the win to Mike Conway.
Also of note was a collision between Power and Pagenaud earlier in the race, which led to a not particularly friendly chat after the race. IndyCar duly reminded us about it for the rest of the season, because, y’know, #INDYRIVALS!
I’m new to the series. Talk me through some of the drivers.
Okay, if you insist. This is the current top ten in the championship, in reverse order. Be sure to play this.
10. Simon Pagenaud
Nationality: French
Points: 41
Known for: People butchering the pronunciation of his name.
Nelson Piquet o-meter (chances of winning): Moderate
Simon (or See-mon, depending on who you talk to) moved to a fourth Penske car for this season. After qualifying on the front row for the first race at St Pete, he finished fifth. Also, (depending on who you talk to) he was either the instigator or innocent party of the crash at NOLA. Has shown good speed, and was quick at Long Beach last year, so should be a contender for victory.
9. Luca Filippi
Nationality: Italian
Points: 42
Known for: Having raced in GP2 for over half a decade.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Low
Luca Filippi finally gets a decent shot at IndyCar this year, racing on all the street and road courses on the calendar. Has had a ninth and tenth place finishes in the opening two races, so should be in the top ten this weekend. Could spring a surprise result if there’s anything like the chaos of last year.
8. James Jakes
Nationality: British
Points: 43
Known for: Err…being Hinchcliffe’s team mate?
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Low
After a season away, James Jakes is back. I’m sure you’re delighted. His best finish in the series to date has been a second place (thanks Wikipedia!), and last weekend he made it a Schmidt Peterson 1-3 by taking third. His best finish at Long Beach is only an eleventh, so don’t expect a big result.
7. Graham Rahal
Nationality: American
Points: 43
Known for: Raving
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Low
The ever present Graham Rahal is still desperately trying to prove he’s more than just a famous surname. Came close to getting back to victory lane last season in Detroit with a second place, but has only managed an eleventh and an eighth in the first two races. Hard to see him doing much better at Long Beach unless Hunter-Reay does a Hunter-Reay thing again.
6. Simona de Silvestro
Nationality: Swiss
Points: 44
Known for: Being a woman.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Low
Simona de Silvestro has returned to IndyCar having spent a year of her life not driving a Formula One car very much for Sauber. Not confirmed for the full season, and at the time of writing, I’ve absolutely no idea if she’ll even be on the grid this weekend. Secured a fourth place at NOLA, so it’d be good to see her back.
5. Tony Kanaan
Nationality: Brazilian
Points: 63
Known for: Looking like Vin Diesel.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Moderate
As already mentioned, Kanaan had an adventurous time of it at NOLA, but seems to be a lot more at home at Ganassi this season. Finished on the podium at St Pete, the best of the Ganassi cars, and despite his excursions at the previous race recorded a sixth place finish. Will likely to be towards the front again this weekend.
4. James Hinchcliffe
Nationality: Canadian
Points: 65
Known for: Being an online mayor.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Low
After a year away, the ‘Mayor of Hinchtown’ returned to victory lane at NOLA, but didn’t really have to put much effort in to get there seeing as everyone kept crashing. Fortuitous is the best way to describe it, and with him still struggling to get to grips with the Honda aero kit, it’s hard to see him winning again this weekend, despite being quick at Long Beach last year.
3. Will Power
Nationality: Australian
Points: 70
Known for: Flipping people off.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: High
You never know what Will Power you’re going to get on a race weekend, but it’s a safe bet to expect him to be in contention for victory this weekend. Qualified on pole at St Pete, finished second, and was running in second place behind Montoya at NOLA before things got messy. Was quick at Long Beach last year as well.
2. Helio Castroneves
Nationality: Brazilian
Points: 74
Known for: Having never won the IndyCar championship…too harsh?
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Moderate
The third of four Penske drivers, you can never discount Helio. Has come oh so close to winning the IndyCar series (and a fourth Indy 500 win) in recent years, and is just as motivated as ever. Will have a job to match his three team mates this weekend however, particularly as Long Beach has been something of a tough track for Helio for whatever reason in the last few years.
1. Juan Pablo Montoya
Nationality: Columbian
Points: 84
Known for: Lots of things. Where do you want to start?
Nelson Piquet o-meter: High
Already a winner this year, and was a contender for victory at NOLA too. Juan looks like he’s back in the swing of things now, so expect him to be battling with Power and co at the front of the field this weekend. Also, I deserve likes for this post for not going overboard with the obvious Juan/one puns, right?
Selected others:
13. Ryan Hunter-Reay
Nationality: American
Points: 37
Known for: Causing crashes, according to this post.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: High
Despite the crash he did or didn’t cause at NOLA, expect Hunter-Reay to be strong this weekend. Probably would have won here last year if it wasn’t for a moment of madness, so he’ll be out to right some wrongs.
20. Takuma Sato
Nationality: Japanese
Points: 25
Known for: Being Takuma Sato.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Moderate
Takuma hasn’t had a great start to the season, only finishing thirteenth at St Pete and retiring at NOLA. But everyone’s favourite (oh come on, he is!) is a former winner here. Won his very first IndyCar race at Long Beach in 2013, so if he can avoid any pile ups (unlike last year) then he may well be in contention again.
24. Francesco Dracone
Nationality: Italian
Points: 14
Known for: Making Pastor Maldonado look like Michael Schumacher.
Nelson Piquet o-meter: Extremely low.
You say Dra-cone, I say Dracone-ey. Point is this guy is so comically bad that I couldn’t help but mention him. Knocked one of his pit crew down at NOLA, so lord only knows what he’ll do this weekend. But no doubt he’ll be a cause for a bit of comedic light relief, or ridicule. Which I guess is the same thing, really.
Thanks! Is there anything else racing here this weekend?
Indeed. Along with Indy Lights and the Pirelli World Challenge, the Tudor United SportsCar Championship makes its annual visit to Long Beach. And good news for anyone who enjoyed the Australian Grand Prix, because only the Prototype and GTLM cars are racing, meaning a grid of just seventeen cars!
Full weekend schedule can be located here: http://www.gplb.com/weekend-schedule/
Will Ed Miliband be watching?
Alas, I suspect not. But we have the next best thing. Patrick Stewart will be giving the command to start engines before the 80 lap race.
Is there anything you’ve forgotten to tell me?
Probably. But no doubt the friendly folk who normally visit these here IndyCar threads will inform you of anything else if I have.
This Q&A format has been terribly overused for these threads.
I agree. My sincerest apologies.
Phew! At that…it’s time for IndyCar madness again! Hope any first time viewers (doubtful, after that train wreck of last weekend, but you never know) who join us enjoy it. And remember…
What the **** just happened?
IndyCar.
IndyCar happened.
(Yes, I just quoted myself. How douchey can you get?)
Edited by JHSingo, 14 April 2015 - 11:12.