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The Angie's List Grand Prix of Indianapolis: Confusing Clockwise Racing for Hoosiers


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Poll: Indy-cent Proposal (47 member(s) have cast votes)

How much would you pay for one race in a Coyne car?

  1. >$500K -- A once in a lifetime opportunity! (3 votes [6.38%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.38%

  2. $100K - $500K -- Let's not go crazy here, it's Coyne (4 votes [8.51%])

    Percentage of vote: 8.51%

  3. $1 - $100K -- Have you seen me on iRacing? Who picks up the tab for the car damage? (19 votes [40.43%])

    Percentage of vote: 40.43%

  4. $0 -- What, and deprive the world of another race with DRACONE? (21 votes [44.68%])

    Percentage of vote: 44.68%

Vote Guests cannot vote

#1 prommer

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 08:04

(^^^seems like the recent race threads have started with a musical number, so here goes)

 

Dear World Motorsports Fan,

 

Greetings! I'm Mike Pence, Governor of the State of Indiana.

 

Mike_Pence_111th-1.jpg
 

You may know me from such legislation as, well... let's just ignore that for now.  That's in the past, thanks partly to the timely intercession of Mark Miles, CEO of IMS and Hulman Racing, and now it's time to move on.

 

open-for-service-2.jpg

 

As a result, I am proud to announce that the State of Indiana is open for business -- that is, the business of rubbin' -- er I mean "RACING" like the kind you do in Yurup!  We would like to announce that this race is open to people of all beliefs and persuasions, including:

 

Foreigners

JuanPabloMontoya.png?h=112&la=en&w=160&v

 

Females*

de_Silvestro-Profile.png?h=112&la=en&w=1

 

Hedgehogs

Saavedra-Profile.png?h=112&la=en&w=160&v

 

Sons-by-marriage of the Track President*

ConorDaly.png?h=112&la=en&w=160&vs=1&d=2

 

More Foreigners

Andretti-Profile.png?h=112&la=en&w=160&v

 

Ride Buyers

FrancescoDracone.png?h=112&la=en&w=160&v

 

?????

Coletti-Profile.png?h=112&la=en&w=160&vs

(^^^this guy tried to enter the state this week on a visa from "Monaco."  Yeah right, buddy!  Try "Atlantis" next time, why don't you!)

 

*not actually appearing in this race

 

MOST IMPORTANTLY, we would like to prove once and for all how tolerant we are in the State of Indiana.  We would like to announce that the podium finishers of the 2015 Angie's List Grand Prix of Indianapolis will be free to marry each other to each other and each other in a three-way ceremony, if they so desire.  Wedding cakes (from out of state) and champagne (since this race is on a Saturday, it's okay) will be provided for the celebration.

 

fc0f7ce0-1934-46d7-8c16-f47fe4e79818news

 

 

Here is some important information you might need as you enjoy this weekend at the 2015 Angie's List Grand Prix of Indianapolis.

 

Track map

 

img_gpi_track_map.jpg

We have here in Indianapolis the world's foremost oval racetrack.  However, just to prove our inclusiveness, and to show that Hoosier Hospitality extends to the entire world, we will race instead on the access roads around the oval.  Dunno why y'all would want to do that, but we'll do it anyway.

 

Turn 1 is a sweeping curve with lots of space and is the best passing spot on the track.  Fans who remember the circuit from the Formula Un days will find that the infield areas prior to the oval turn have been redesigned; the back straight has been widened and lengthened in order to make Turn 7 into a better passing spot.  Finally, the course makes use of a version of the Turn 13 that was created to accomodate the MotoGP race, rather than make the whole sweep around the Oval Turn 1 that the F1 guys did (well some of them, depending on who made their tires).

 

Weekend schedule (all times EDT)

 

The race is on Saturday.  The race is on Saturday.  THE RACE IS ON SATURDAY.

Watch the Formula E, then stick around a few hours later for this one.

 

Thursday, 7 May

11.00am - 1.00pm -- Verizon Indycar Series Practice

  3:00pm - 4:40pm -- Verizon Indycar Series Practice

USF2000, Pro Mazda, and Indy Lights practices interstitially spaced out through the day

  5:55pm -- Pro Mazda Race #1

 

Friday, 8 May

  9:30am - 10.00am USF2000 Qualifying

10.15am - 10.45am Pro Mazda Qualifying

11.00am - 11.45pm Verizon Indycar Series Practice

12.00pm - 12.45pm Indy Lights Qualifying

  1:00pm -- USF2000 Race #1

  2:00pm -- Pro Mazda Race #2

  3:00pm - 4.15pm -- Verizon Indycar Series Qualifying

  4.30pm -- Indy Lights Race #1

  5.30pm -- Prost1997T's first post of the weekend declaring Max Chilton overrated

 

 

Saturday, 9 May

10.30am -- USF2000 Race #2

11.30am - 12.00pm -- Verizon Indycar Morning Warmup (coffee, prunes)

12.15pm -- Pro Mazda Race #3 (attention hogs! err, a rained-out NOLA race rescheduled, actually)

  1.25pm -- Indy Lights Race #2

  3.30pm -- Deadline for submitting your Atlas Autosport Fantasy Picks.

  3.37pm -- Deadline for posting your Will Power jinxes.

  3.45pm -- Verizon Indycar Angie's List GP of Indy (on ABC from 3:30pm)

  6.00pm -- Vitesse2's deadline for submitting his Fantasy Picks.

 

Practices should be streamed live on racecontrol.indycar.com.  This is an Always Bad Coverage (ABC) race, so who knows what will happen to qualifying coverage.  Expect the worst. Maybe attach a tin can on a string to your Roku or something?  Hopefully the Nigerians will grace this thread with their presence as needed.

 

Drivers

 

Spotters Guide available HERE.

 

The 23 who started Barber return, including DRACONE and Rodolfo "Speedy" Gonzalez GRUMPY CAT, who both made excellent use of the credit card swiper affixed to the rear wheel guards of the Coyne cars.  Andretti runs Justin Wilson.  CFH runs J.R. Hildebrand and possibly a giant polar bear.  Looks like you'll have to wait for the 500 for Simona de Silvestro to return as well as Conor Daly in the Fueled by Bacon Special. 

 

There will be an attempt to institute positional numbers on the cars this weekend -- or possibly not, if they can't get it working in time.  Expect the typical Indycar Implementation Disaster and for the system unaccountably to show DRACONE in the lead at some point.

 

IndyCarSpringTrainingPruett_3172015__373

 

Also, please note there is NO STANDING START this year.  Saavedra will be pleased.

 

Wha' Happened?

 

 

This is the fifth race of the 2015 Indycar season. 

 

In St. Petersburg, Juan Pablo Montoya won in a cloud of carbon dust and aero bits which flew through the air and into the concession area hundreds of yards away, proving why they are aero bits.

 

In New Orleans, God won by drowning the dissolute Indycar with its right-hand turns and foreigners in a swampy morass.  Nobody really won, though James Hinchcliffe was in the lead when the Mercy Rule went into effect.

 

In Long Beach, Carlton won.  I guess Scott Dixon did too, technically.

 

alfonso-ribeiro-profile.jpg

 

In Birmingham -- hang on, I think I've been given erroneous information here.  It says that two Americans (Josef Newgarden and Graham Rahal) finished 1-2 in the most exciting race of the season. This can't be right. Are there even two Americans in this series?

 

 

The Points as they stand

 

Formula_One_Standings_1998.PNG

 

Place...Driver...Team...Wins...Points

1st -- Juan Pablo Montoya, Penske (1) 136pts

2nd -- Helio Castroneves, Penske 133

3rd -- Scott Dixon, Ganassi (1) 123

4th -- Josef Newgarden, CFH (1) 119

5th -- Will Power, Penske 112

6th -- James Hinchcliffe, SPH (1) 110

6th -- Tony Kanaan, Ganassi 110

8th -- Graham Rahal, RLL 103

9th -- Simon Pagenaud, Penske 96

10th -- Sebastien Bourdais, KV 91

 

Famous Hoosiers and Great Moments in Hoosier History

 

Beyond enjoying the race, we hope you will delve into some of the people and places of the past that have made Indiana what it is today (a veritable corn husk of its former glory [EDITOR please remove before posting]). Jump on a tractor!  Read our books of Hoosier poetry!

 

Indiana was once known as the "Mother of Vice Presidents" as 10 times between 1868 and 1916, one of the major parties chose a vice presidential nominee from the state.  Very few of them won, however.

 

A young David Letterman ponders the meaning of an accidental merger between Indiana and Ohio.

 

The undefeated 1976 Indiana Hoosiers basketball team, Prommer's childhood heroes.  I have been lead to understand that the Autosport forum enjoys basketball and wholeheartedly welcomes mentions of basketball in their threads.  Also, SUCK IT KENTUCKYYYY

1976.jpg

 

According to some Southern people I knew in the 1990s, this adopted Hoosier son has chosen an alternative lifestyle, and therefore we will see him later in the month as the Pace Car driver for the Indy 500.  He will not be driving in this race, however.  Um, and by alternative lifestyle I meant NASCAR, silly!  Get your mind out of the gutter.

a6a269e16e9f1e0aa19bd709bd8856c2.jpg?ito

 

In Closing

 

We welcome all of you to enjoy this Yurup-style race that runs the wrong way down the wrong roads that turn the wrong direction.  If you ask me, the only thing that should be turning right is your political viewpoint.  But hey, I'm just your Governor.  For now... 

 

We just hope you stick around for this little gathering we're doing in two weeks time called the Ninety-Ninth running of the Indianapolis Five Hundred Miles Race.  Perhaps you've heard of it?

 

Yours sincerely and not out of political or economic desperation,

 

Gov. Mike Pence.

 

indiana.gif

heart-candle-love-animated.gif

European%20Union%20flag-XXL-anim.gif


Edited by prommer, 06 May 2015 - 18:05.


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#2 teejay

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 09:33

Brilliant.

 

Basketball reference tips it to 10.1/10



#3 Peat

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 09:39

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#4 stewie

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 10:04

Amazeballs. Hope to watch this when I get back from Monaco....

#5 Vitesse2

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 10:16

 


  6.00pm -- Vitesse2's deadline for submitting his Fantasy Picks.


 

If that's GMT, you're way wrong! :p

 

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#6 KOMORI

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 11:04

That's a hell of an opening post. Kudos!!

#7 Lemnpiper

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 11:22

  Prommer 

 

 

     Beautiful  , just absolutely beautiful  opening post    :clap: :clap: :clap:

 

 

       Letterman  :lol: :lol: :lol:  glad my layered look photos didn't survive :blush:

 

    

     If I had 500k  i'd put Milka in a Coyne car just for old times sake.

 

  

    I say we get organized and plan a gathering for the 100th race  ,we can take over the Glamping area.



#8 sblick

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 12:27

Great Post. Although I put >500,000, to deprive the race of Dracone would be a hard decision

#9 JHSingo

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 13:51

Brilliant OP prommer. :clap:

 

Isn't this the race that Jack Hawksworth nearly won last year?



#10 Atreiu

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 13:59

I'd pay a month's salary to start one race. But how much testing would I get beforehand?



#11 whitewaterMkII

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 14:46

Oh goody, spring weather in Indiana...another crapshoot race.

Note to Derrick, hire more Pettibone lifts, yer gonna need 'em...

 

 

  • Friday
    Night

    ntsra40.png

    Chance
    Thunderstorms

    Low: 65 °F

  • Saturday
     

    tsra50.png

    Chance
    Thunderstorms

    High: 84 °F

  • Saturday
    Night

    ntsra30.png

    Chance
    Thunderstorms


Edited by whitewaterMkII, 06 May 2015 - 14:47.


#12 Dan333SP

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 14:46

I'm just here to congratulate you on the obscurity of throwing in a '98 F1 points table, complete with neat little car graphics.



#13 whitewaterMkII

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 14:48

I'm just here to congratulate you on the obscurity of throwing in a '98 F1 points table, complete with neat little car graphics.

That is pretty random, much like Indycar is.



#14 paulb

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 14:58

Coyne must have consulted Angie's list before picking Dracone.

 

Brilliant OP prommer. The only sad part is the Simona asterisk.



#15 jonpollak

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 15:20

Slam frickin' Dunk of an OP...
So glad you made it.
Jp

#16 Rob29

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 15:23

What the heck is 'Angies list'?



#17 paulb

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 15:34

What the heck is 'Angies list'?

Its a website where one can go to consult references for services like housecleaning or painting or whatever. For free you get so much info; when you pay you get more info. Never used it personally.



#18 jonpollak

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 15:55

I'm just here to congratulate you on the obscurity of throwing in a '98 F1 points table, complete with neat little car graphics.


What?
Are you people NOT paying attention?
That graphic, and it's related baggage, is a thread staple !!!!
Jp

#19 vowcartaGP

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 16:11

How long before one of those LED positioning things frees itself from the gaffer tape and into the gravel trap? 



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#20 rghojai

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 16:11

Wow. That was tremendous. Anyone else notice that in the basketball photo, No. 42 looks like he's seconds away from maiming someone?

#21 Andrew Hope

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 16:18

Spotter guide here. Quite a few different looks for the race this weekend. Even some of the Penskes are in weird colors.

 

Anyone got feeling this is an Helio weekend?


Edited by Andrew Hope, 06 May 2015 - 16:22.


#22 prommer

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 16:59

Wow. That was tremendous. Anyone else notice that in the basketball photo, No. 42 looks like he's seconds away from maiming someone?

 

Yeah, do NOT mess with No. 42!

 

A-Hope, thanks for the link to the spotters' guide!  OP updated.



#23 prommer

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 17:30

Oh, and by the way... if anybody wants to put their money where their mouth is in terms of their answer to the poll, contact this dude:

 

Trevor J. Moore
Dale Coyne Racing
13400 Budler Road
Plainfield, IL 60544
(815) 886-3400– office
dcrsupport@aol.com

 

I feel like we should nominate one of our number to go for this.  Then start a kickstarter.  If 4chan can get Doge on a car in NASCAR, then surely we can fill a Coyne drive for one race?

 

Who's our best driver?



#24 Muppetmad

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 17:58

I haven't yet learned to drive, and I have terrible spacial awareness. But then, if I was replacing DRACONE, that might still represent an improvement.



#25 prommer

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 18:06

Dale Coyne Racing @DaleCoyneRacing

Last minute change in the No. 18 car as of very late last night. https://twitter.com/tracksideonline/status/595959223147765761 

 

El Gato Grumpy in for Speedy Gonzalez.  It's a cat and mouse game at Coyne...



#26 jonpollak

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 18:09

Oh, and by the way... if anybody wants to put their money where their mouth is in terms of their answer to the poll, contact this dude:

Trevor J. Moore
Dale Coyne Racing
13400 Budler Road
Plainfield, IL 60544
(815) 886-3400– office
dcrsupport@aol.com

I feel like we should nominate one of our number to go for this. Then start a kickstarter. If 4chan can get Doge on a car in NASCAR, then surely we can fill a Coyne drive for one race?

Who's our best driver?

I won the Boz Scaggs karting GP yesterday here in Baton Rouge at Rockstar Racing.
http://www.rockstarracing.net

 

f2a05d5cc865dbb92e29ee3a48f40ad8.jpeg

Great indoor/outdoor track BTW..

Jp


Edited by jonpollak, 07 May 2015 - 19:59.


#27 4chords

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 18:45

I love these opening posts, me and the missus are having a right chuckle at this one.

I would like to throw my name in to the Dale Coyne hat. Along with Carlton and Scott Dixon, I also won Long Beach this year. I'm even used to the stewards throwing yellow flags for no reason.



Actually lets get a load of us together and tempt PT over to make a UK version of Star Racer.

Edited by 4chords, 06 May 2015 - 18:47.


#28 Dan333SP

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 19:26

What?
Are you people NOT paying attention?
That graphic, and it's related baggage, is a thread staple !!!!
Jp

 

News to me, I only started paying attention to IndyCar this year as a result of the spectacular Nola race. Never seen something so gripping.



#29 jonpollak

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 20:07

Yeah, that graph has been used for all the brilliant OP's over the years... It's like turkey at Christmas.
Jp

#30 B Squared

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 21:36

Number 42 is All-American Scott May, who without breaking his arm in a late 1975 game, would likely have led Indiana to two straight undefeated seasons.  


Edited by B Squared, 06 May 2015 - 21:37.


#31 Prost1997T

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 22:16

Dale Coyne Racing @DaleCoyneRacing

Last minute change in the No. 18 car as of very late last night. https://twitter.com/...9223147765761 …
 
El Gato Grumpy in for Speedy Gonzalez.  It's a cat and mouse game at Coyne...


Well hey, it wasn't on the eve of practice at least :lol:

#32 paulb

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Posted 06 May 2015 - 23:25

Well hey, it wasn't on the eve of practice at least :lol:

There's still time for a pre-practice, jp driver announcement!



#33 king_crud

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 11:48

Justin Wilson back?

#34 Prost1997T

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 12:16

Justin Wilson back?


Yes, with Andretti Autosport. Hildebrand is also doing both Indy races with CFH.

#35 jonpollak

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 14:27

Nigerian News Flash .... All streaming is on racecontrol and NOT YouTube...... That is all.

#36 Prost1997T

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 15:11

Long session, 2 hours.



#37 Sheepmachine

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 16:37

Great OP :up: Made me smile.

I really should make my fantasy picks, don't want to miss out on propping up the back. :stoned:

#38 AustinF1

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 17:05

An Indycar without its bumpers...man, that looks soooooo much better.
 
CEaCERYUUAEpxdg.jpg


#39 Prost1997T

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 17:17

USF2000 on track now, cameras are still rolling.

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#40 Andrew Hope

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 17:56

Bourdais fasted in FP1:

 

 

Sebastien Bourdais, driving the No. 11 Team Mistic E-Cigs – KVSH Racing Chevrolet, recorded a quick lap of 1 minute, 10.9378 seconds on the 2.439-mile, 14-turn road course on “Free Thursday” at Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

 

Reigning Verizon IndyCar Series champion Will Power, driving the No. 1 Verizon Team Penske, was second quick (1:11.0351) and Scott Dixon was third (1:11.0450) in the No. 9 Target Chip Ganassi Racing Chevrolet.

 

Simon Pagenaud set the track record of 1:09.6716 in the first segment of knockout qualifications last May. Sebastian Saavedra, who was fourth quick in the first practice (1:11.1123) in the No. 8 AFS Chip Ganassi Racing Chevrolet, earned the Verizon P1 Award for the 82-lap race in the Firestone Fast Six with a lap of 1:23.8822 in wet/drying track conditions.



#41 Prost1997T

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 18:30

Video and commentary for the full Mazda Road to Indy ladder at the usual link ( http://racecontrol.indycar.com ).

#42 Risil

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 20:37

Marvellous OP, Prommer :D

Has everyone made their Fantasy picks for Saturday? Saturday.



#43 Sheepmachine

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 21:00

Marvellous OP, Prommer :D

Has everyone made their Fantasy picks for Saturday? Saturday.

Yes. I'm doomed. And prepare for me to just be going to sleep on Saturday night and my brain going "You missed indycar you melon"

#44 Ross Stonefeld

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 21:03

Guess who has been reading your posts

 

 

indycar-grand-prix-of-indy-2015-francesc



#45 Prost1997T

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 21:05

Seems Max Chilton tore up his Lights car again... https://twitter.com/...083651848368129

(yes, I'll keep mocking him until he's competitive) :p

#46 paulb

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 22:03

Marvellous OP, Prommer :D

Has everyone made their Fantasy picks for Saturday? Saturday.

I will after I figure out how to plagiarize yours, vitesse, Afterburners, and prommers picks.



#47 jonpollak

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 22:42

Seems Max Chilton tore up his Lights car again... https://twitter.com/...083651848368129

(yes, I'll keep mocking him until he's competitive) :p

A full 24hrs early...
AND.... Wrong !!
https://twitter.com/...429855140392960
Jp

Edited by jonpollak, 07 May 2015 - 22:57.


#48 Prost1997T

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Posted 07 May 2015 - 23:07

Let's see him do that in qualifying and the races...

 

Meanwhile in Indycar, Chevrolet still look dominant in one-lap pace.



#49 Afterburner

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Posted 08 May 2015 - 02:42

I will after I figure out how to plagiarize yours, vitesse, Afterburners, and prommers picks.

Not sure that's the best idea--I've picked Sato this weekend. :p

#50 paulb

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Posted 08 May 2015 - 04:32

when JP picks Sato, you know hell has frozen over. :p

 

my "temporary" picks are in. :stoned: