Sid Meier's Indycars! round 12 of 16: ABC Supply Wisconsylvania 250
The Milwaukee Mile, West Allis, WI
Track length: 1 mile (approx)
Turns: 4
Banking: 9 and a quarter degrees in the turny bits, 2 and a half on the straight bits
Last year's winner: Will Power (Penske/Chevy)
Assorted Indycargentsia and lumpenproletariat, the last quarter(ish) of 2015 is upon us! Phew. I hope you've started writing your Christmas cards. The leaves of the cypress trees give way to reddish oranges and orangey reds, and for Indycar, the time of semi-digested information is giving way to semi-informed questions. Where is Simon Pagenaud? Is Will Power having a strong championship defence? Are Honda competitive for real? If Brian Barnhart was in charge of the courts, could Graham Rahal literally get away with murder? Who or what is West Allis?
Those are more questions than I anticipated. Allow me to point you in the direction of the Milwaukee Mile at some indeterminate time on Sunday evening. It is extremely unlikely that anything will be resolved, but with luck some new questions will be assembled on top of the old unanswered ones like a crazy medieval uncertainty cathedral.
With. That. In. Mind. Schedule!
Saturday is practice day
16.00: Indy Lights practice
17.00: Indycar practice
18.30: Indy Lights qualifying
19.30: Something called an MKE Vs. Pit Crew Cornhole Tournament is taking place at the Beer Garden. They call it an IndyFest for a reason. Ross, can you take a picture for us?
Sunday has racing
09.15: Indycar practice 2
10.15: Indy Lights warm-up
12.30: Indycar qualifying!
13.30: I bet you wish there were some Stadium Super Trucks to liven things up now.
14.00: Indy Lights race featuring possibly Max Chilton. Please advise.
16.35: Let's go! Green flag! Only 35 minutes into the TV show!
These times are given in Wisconsin. Wisconsin is six hours behind the UK, like other Indycar places Iowa, Texas and Alabama. This will be significant when you're in Romania and the race starts on Monday morning.
Monday morning in Transylvania. Spooky!
Remind me about the Indycars
The Indycars arrive at the Milwaukee Mile having endured one of those races at the Auto Club Speedway that truly earned its nickname of Fun-tana. Admittedly that's not its real nickname, but perhaps it would be if certain nameless drivers interviewed on national television hadn't ruined our enjoyment with concerns for their personal safety. Graham Rahal won under yellow, after the race came to a halt midway through the last lap with the inevitable crater in the lawn on the frontstretch. Tony Kanaan and Marco Andretti, both of whom completed the race without taking half their fuel rig with them, rounded out the podium, and championship main man JP "Morgan" Montoya picked up a very championshiply fourth place. Principal rival and Penske teammate Will Power didn't finish after being affected by Takuma Sato on lap 241.
In the Unfashionable Points Standings Table, the fun and games in SoCal has left Juan about one win ahead of Will Power and Scott Dixon, who are around about neck and neck (Dixon has the technical advantage here of not being Will Power, although in mitigation Will Power is at least not Scott Dixon). Two has-beens are battling two never-wases for 4th through 7th, whereas the dishonourable fourteenth-and-below club is inhabited by the usual mix of down-on-their-luck shabby genteels (step forward Ryan Hunter-Reay, Jack Hawksworth) and utter rascals (Francesco Dracone, Stefano Coletti). Ed Carpenter and Luca Filippi, who share a car possibly for tax reasons, are also found down here. Given that Specialist Ed's 2015 record reads two crashes and a (mechanical) breakdown, we shouldn't be surprised. (Luca Filippi, who was last seen in Toronto playing Ralf Schumacher to Newgarden's Damon Hill, won't be seen again, if that's not too strong a word, until Mid-Ohio.)
Last year at the Mile was one of those uneventful races like the 2008 Chinese Grand Prix where something undeniably Championship Significant happened. In 2008 it was Lewis Hamilton being the fastest driver all weekend and winning the race by a mile, and last year at Milwaukee Will Power achieved the same. Imagine Lewis Hamilton had been at the front of F1 for five years but had been undone by three or more Montreals per year. Imagine the catharsis. The picture for "cathartic" in the dictionary has Will Power winning at Milwaukee last year in it. Move over, Aristotle!
All of Will Power's career highlights have included extreme drinking. Not surprised?
It's already Friday and I don't know a thing about Milwaukee
Predictably, Alice Cooper can help you out.
The Milwaukee Mile itself has the somewhat unenviable distinction of being the oldest race track in the entire world. Try selling that to the 18-35s. (As a side point, does anyone know whether at some point in the 70s they invited back some original spectators like the Civil War veterans at the premiere of Gone with the Wind?) The track takes place entirely within the confines of Wisconsin State Fair Park, host of that glorious palace of Wisconsoidal agriculture, called (you'll like this) the Wisconsin State Fair. Set the image in your mind's eye. From upturned soap boxes, pettifogging politicians squeal their unique qualifications for the role of town dogcatcher. Apple-cheeked youths throng the concession stalls, deep-fried liver sausage dripping from prehensile jaws. Prize holsteins stand square and sturdy like ingots of solid beef gold.
Enough bad writing. They don't get there for another few weeks. This weekend is about racing and a number of beer tents. A crowd of over 1000 spectators and well-wishers makes this the second gloriousest race in the Dairy State, and (with the exception of the Imagination Grand Prix of Nazareth) the gloriousest race on a one-mile oval in the Indycar calendar. The tyres are durable, the track is as flat as the beer, and the drivers brake for reasons other than Graham Rahal chopping across them at 220mph. And second-best of all, it's sponsored by that notorious front company for underhanded Satoistic enterprises, ABC Supply!
What's best of all? This thread, of course! See below.
Edited by Risil, 11 July 2015 - 17:05.