87 replies to this topic

[908T]

Any new ones?

[UPRC]

Why did the marshall cross the road? To recover Maldonado's Williams.

It's not funny because it's true.

[BRG]

Zsolt Baumgartner?
Alex Yoong?
Flavio Briatore?



Ah, perhaps you didn't mean 'joke' in that sense....

[Jejking]

When are F1 drivers complaining about too much grip?

- When they are called Chanoch Nissany and testing Minardis
- When they are in bed testing the new medium Pirelli condom compounds.

[Seanspeed]

I wasn't aware there were even any old ones.

[The Kanisteri]

Zsolt Baumgartner?
Alex Yoong?
Flavio Briatore?



Ah, perhaps you didn't mean 'joke' in that sense....

You forgot Jackass Villeneuve

[taran]

An oldie.....



Six men are standing at the bar, looking bored. One finally mentions to the guy standing next to him that he has an IQ of 178 and never can talk to an intellectual equal. The other loudly proclaims he has an IQ of 169 and they start talking about the Large Hadron Collider and the importance of Higgs Boson.

The next two eye each other until one timidly mentions he has an IQ of 133. His neighbour happily responds with 129 and the pair discuss the Euro crisis.

The last two observe the proceedings before turning to each other….My IQ is 65. No way, my IQ is 70 the other says. They look at each expectantly before the first aks….so what’s your lap time at Silverstone…?

[nordschleife]

http://www.pressgaze...storycode=49178

[Anderis]

I wasn't aware there were even any old ones.

I remember one. Sorry for translation cause I know it only in Polish version.

Michael Schumacher and Juan Pablo Montoya went for a trip to Africa. They were sleeping in tent. Next morning Montoya woke up and realised that Schumacher is running around the tent and lion is chasing him. So he shouted:
- Watch out Michael! It's going to catch you!
- Don't worry, I've got two laps advantage!

It was something like this.

[TFLB]

Why did Paul Di Resta cross the road?

To get to the other side, obviously.

I mean, you didn't expect anything interesting did you?

[wacktifosi]

An old one, but still funny (and true):

When Max Mosley was coming up with the idea for KERS Mario Theissen mentioned that while electric KERS is feasible a flywheel system had no application to road cars.

Max Mosley responded by saying this: "Well, he probably hasn't thought it through. He would be right if there were battery/super capacitor combinations that were very close to being practical – but all the information is that there isn't. All these cars – you get these electric cars but if you drive them fast they just don't have the energy. Good old Mario, but I think he may have got that wrong."

When Dr. Theissen got word of this he came responded with this: "It is good that Max is learning about the engineering sides of the car, I think with a little further understanding he may soon know as much as Flavio Briatore."

[Kvothe]

Jokes off the top of my head:

After his 2011 season Lewis Hamilton has banned the use of the word button when referring to the knobs and dials on his steering wheel asking instead that they now be called switches. When asked what prompted such a move he replied I don't know but for some reason I can't stand that word anymore.

Fernando Alonso walks into a bar 10 seconds later so does Felipe Massa

What's Vettel's favourite food? Chocolate fingers.

What does Mark Webber say when in bed...not bad for a no2 driver.

Whats small, old, grey, and has a lust for money. No not Bernie Ecclestone but your mother in law.

Bruno Senna winning the Bandini trophy.

[joshb]

What do you call Mclaren's trophy cabinet?
A cabinet
(one for Lewis new silverware demand or their lack of recent titles.)


What does (insert driver with no wins) do when he wins a race?
Turns off his Playstation

Edited by joshb, 15 August 2012 - 16:13.

[TFLB]

What do you call Mclaren's trophy cabinet?
A cabinet
(one for Lewis new silverware demand or their lack of recent titles.)

Actually knowing Mclaren they probably call their trophy cabinet the 'Vodafone Mclaren Mercedes Optimised Shiny Object Storage Device' or something like that.

[MatsNorway]

Maldonado: "id hit that"

Not sure about the grammar but you get the picture.

Edited by MatsNorway, 15 August 2012 - 18:56.

[908T]

This is an old one....

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

[metz]

Live, on world wide television;

Reporter:"Did you see the special podium tribute to Michael Schumacher, marking his retirement as the most successful racing driver in history?"
Kimi: "No. Sorry. I was having a sh!t.

[FerrariAlonso]

Zsolt Baumgartner?
Alex Yoong?
Flavio Briatore?



Ah, perhaps you didn't mean 'joke' in that sense....

Do you come from Hungary? Usually people coming from there are who make mock of him.

[LaoTze]

This is an old one....

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

HAHA!!! I so heard Arnold in my head there, LAUDA! hahaha!

Thanks for the laugh dude!

[Avastrol]

This is an old one....

"Who won the 1977 Formula 1 Championship?"
"Lauda."
"I SAID WHO WON THE 1977......."

snoopy_lauda.jpg

[Longtimefan]

F1 jokes?

I have a cracker...

Mercedes

[TFLB]

Live, on world wide television;

Reporter:"Did you see the special podium tribute to Michael Schumacher, marking his retirement as the most successful racing driver in history?"
Kimi: "No. Sorry. I was having a sh!t.

The real version

Edit: changed the link to a version with Brundle's comment afterwards.

Edited by TFLB, 15 August 2012 - 21:21.

[TFLB]

Pastor Maldonado walks into a bar.

He says it was the bar's fault. Everyone else calls for him to be banned from walking.

[sharo]

An old one:

Schumacher and Barichello went fishing. While sitting on the river bank Rubens says: "Last time I was here I caught such a fish", and showed with a hand on his other forearm the size.
Schumacher looks thoughtfully at his forearm several seconds and then bursts into laughter: "Rubens, you must be joking. Such hairy fish does not exist."

[Kristian]

Name 4 Scottish places that share their name with F1 drivers past and present.


Answers:

Lewis Hamilton
Stirling Moss
Johnny Dumfries



and....



Ayr Town Centre

[ensign14]

Any new ones?

Think this thread demonstrates not.

[Cavani]

-I don't know Webber to take this thread seriously or not.

-Which F1 driver cried the most?
Teary Boutsen

-Christiano, what's da Matta?

-I don't think things can get much Wurz.

-Speed was at the bottom of STR's priorities in 2007

Edited by Cavani, 16 August 2012 - 09:45.

[maverick69]

I think it's safe to conclude that F1 jokes suck

[908T]

I think it's safe to conclude that F1 jokes suck

That was a good one...

[TFLB]

I think it's safe to conclude that F1 jokes suck

Especially ones about the Brabham BT46B.

[maverick69]

Especially ones about the Brabham BT46B.

Very good

[Cavani]

A couple of these came Clos to making me laugh, but most of them are utterly Tyrrell-ble.

[chdphd]

snoopy_lauda.jpg

It's a bit rude

[Sakae]

F1 jokes:

From not too distant past: Technical specifications.
From most recent period: Tire specifications.

[Nigol]

Maldonado.





Sorry.

[subseven]

There's a joke that just got posted on the autosport main page.

"I think that my race performance has been very strong, with my 15th place in Monaco standing out, but in qualifying I've been a bit weaker," said Karthikeyan.

15th was still last of cars that didn't retire.

[icewest07]

Why did Paul Di Resta cross the road?

To get to the other side, obviously.

I mean, you didn't expect anything interesting did you?

LOL

[CaptnMark]

F1 jokes?

I have a cracker...

Mercedes

BMW's "our road car technology is superior" KERS.

[Red17]

A tyre enters the Mclaren Pit and asks to be served. The clerk replies:

«Sorry, we don't service lefties on this establishment».



Do you know the REAL reason why Bahar and Fernandes went to court?
«The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence»

[TheWilliamzer]

Why Ferrari is slow?
Because of Kaspersky.

haha

[oligc94]

An oldie.....



Six men are standing at the bar, looking bored. One finally mentions to the guy standing next to him that he has an IQ of 178 and never can talk to an intellectual equal. The other loudly proclaims he has an IQ of 169 and they start talking about the Large Hadron Collider and the importance of Higgs Boson.

The next two eye each other until one timidly mentions he has an IQ of 133. His neighbour happily responds with 129 and the pair discuss the Euro crisis.

The last two observe the proceedings before turning to each other….My IQ is 65. No way, my IQ is 70 the other says. They look at each expectantly before the first aks….so what’s your lap time at Silverstone…?

That made me laugh a lot! Even though generally speaking F1 drivers are highly intelligent...

[jeze]

An oldie.....



Six men are standing at the bar, looking bored. One finally mentions to the guy standing next to him that he has an IQ of 178 and never can talk to an intellectual equal. The other loudly proclaims he has an IQ of 169 and they start talking about the Large Hadron Collider and the importance of Higgs Boson.

The next two eye each other until one timidly mentions he has an IQ of 133. His neighbour happily responds with 129 and the pair discuss the Euro crisis.

The last two observe the proceedings before turning to each other….My IQ is 65. No way, my IQ is 70 the other says. They look at each expectantly before the first aks….so what’s your lap time at Silverstone…?

Grosjean + Maldonado?

[FirstWatt]

Years ago, Alexander Wurz cruised down a street in a small Austrian village.
Then he saw a very old woman walking very slowly, appearantly having some pain with walking.
Alex, being a very polite young man, stops the car, opens the window and asks her: Can I give you a ride?
She looks to him, pleasantly surprised, but suddenly she recognises him and says: Uh, no, thank you, but i'm in a hurry!

[Sakae]

The real version

Edit: changed the link to a version with Brundle's comment afterwards.

It's first time I heard it, and find it rather as a surprising side of Kimi.

[Torsion]

I remember one. Sorry for translation cause I know it only in Polish version.

Michael Schumacher and Juan Pablo Montoya went for a trip to Africa. They were sleeping in tent. Next morning Montoya woke up and realised that Schumacher is running around the tent and lion is chasing him. So he shouted:
- Watch out Michael! It's going to catch you!
- Don't worry, I've got two laps advantage!

It was something like this.

[Bloggsworth]

A tyre enters the Mclaren Pit and asks to be served. The clerk replies:

«Sorry, we don't service lefties on this establishment».



Do you know the REAL reason why Bahar and Fernandes went to court?
«The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence»

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you've probably laid the turf upside down...

[Dolph]

You forgot Jackass Villeneuve

You mean the guy who won the Indy 500, the Indycar title, the F1 title, came close to winning Le Mans and earned 20 mil a year? That Jackass?

[SR388]

Years ago, Alexander Wurz cruised down a street in a small Austrian village.
Then he saw a very old woman walking very slowly, appearantly having some pain with walking.
Alex, being a very polite young man, stops the car, opens the window and asks her: Can I give you a ride?
She looks to him, pleasantly surprised, but suddenly she recognises him and says: Uh, no, thank you, but i'm in a hurry!

Ha!!

[Dolph]

I remember one. Sorry for translation cause I know it only in Polish version.

Michael Schumacher and Juan Pablo Montoya went for a trip to Africa. They were sleeping in tent. Next morning Montoya woke up and realised that Schumacher is running around the tent and lion is chasing him. So he shouted:
- Watch out Michael! It's going to catch you!
- Don't worry, I've got two laps advantage!

It was something like this.

That's the best so far in this thread.

[DarkknightRises]

Q: The helmet has a special meaning for many drivers. How important is it to you?
KR: It protects my head.

Q: Do you have any special rituals when the helmet is concerned like many other drivers have?
KR: I wipe it, so that I can see better.

Why Kimi became a race-driver and not an icehockey-player
I have decided to do motorsports because I don´t have to get up there so early in the morning.

Q: The most exciting moment during the race weekend?
KR: I think it’s the race start, always.
Q: The most boring?
KR: Now.

Q: Kimi, have you ever got angry about anything, and jumped up and down and shouted?
KR: Yeah, many times but of course you’re not happy if you retire or something but I guess it mostly happens more in normal life than in racing.
Q: Can you give us examples?
KR: No, not really.
Q: What are the kind of things that make you angry in normal life, as you say?
KR: If you keep asking questions like those.