1305 replies to this topic

[Red17]

It's Sprint Cup time!

 

 

We are back!

The shoddy Nascar threads are again in full swing just in time to fill up the folks in good spirits!

 

Well, everyone is in good spirits already, except a few guys around Les Ulis.
 

 

Just don't mention the noses... (again)

 

 

Ahem!

A few Headlines from Pre-season....

 

Tony Stewart should be emerging from hibernation anytime soon. I have been told by a reliable source that they are using a discarded stockpile of burgers from Montoya. In order to avoid any shortcomings Tony has already been strapped to the car, final stages of awakening will take place just a few minutes prior to P1.

 

 

Meanwhile, a dwarf has stolen the rulebook!

 

 

But have no fear! Brian will have a new rulebook ready in no time! (hopefully in time!)

 

Obviously we want stuff to expeculate about so our certified ninja spy has been sent on field mission to reveal us some of the newest and cool ideas that will make Nascar even more er... Nascar.

 

 

First of all, there will be no more Race for the Chase!

 

Do not panic! It's being replaced by a grid. No! Not the Codemasters game! The Chase Grid!

But to keep it simple we will just call it The Chase Grill!

 

 

Interesting bit... this new grid system has a knockout round, so I am assuming this will be a valid method this year:

 

 

We have also heard some rumours about the end of drafting, again we will have to wait for the France Oracle to speak up.

 

If a translator is necessary Eddie Jordan will provide the irish version in the following BBC broadcast. He will also be keeping watch for the new rulebook in case that annoying dwarf returns.

 

 

So this is what has been going on outisde the track so far.
Let's get down to trackside! Queue ze music!

 

 

 

 

 

Indycar has... Indianapolis, MotoGp has the Dutch TT, F1 has Monaco, Lemans has... erm.... nevermind!

 

Nascar's big cheese is the Daytona 500, placed right at the start of the... erm.. championship, free of politics and other gremlins to taint it. (If you exclude mad hatters)

 

Like all classics, this race has a ton of history that goes all the way back to the days when Daytona Beach was the capital of speed before Bonneville took over.

But rather than put it by words, why not have a look at how things were 50 years ago. Coincidentally this year marks the 50th anniversary of Richard Petty's (The King) first Daytona win, so expect a 5 minute special during pre-race cerimonies.
 

 

But wait... he is not the king of Daytona! Bobby is!

 

 

Yeah yeah, im sure the lot of you will be crying foul Arca. Still he is coming to Daytona to defend his title against a plentora of pretenders.
Not important. What is important is that there will be no venezuelan atraction this time.

But just in case, there is a french canadian and a german hawaian replacements standing by.

 

 

 

Getting back on topic.

 

On the same day of the Arca race the Polepositers of 2013 will have their first scrap of the season with the Bud Shootout!

 

 

Seriously people! Bud Shootout sounds much better than... ugh! Sprint Unlimited. Even the Formula 1 Strategic Group could not come up with such a bad name. Last year they got away because we had the relevant vote for clothing, but no clothing vote this year?! FLAME!

 

 

And the facial hair! Why can't we vote for more facial hair! Do I need to jinx Gordon again?

 

 

Ah well... better move along to the track presentation before that odd looking mod black flags this thread.

 

 

In beggining there was sand...

 

 

But then man decided to leave the beach...



56 years later, speed has been plated; stock cars are not stock (tho some may argue they were never stock); drivers are no longer dirty and rough gladiators; champions and championships are questioned at every turn; politics are omnipresent and all tracks are designed by Herman Tilke.

 

Still, the racing continues. Some may not call it racing anymore, but as another poster mentioned before, "It's still about overtaking the guy in front of you", the soul is still there but buried under the tick layers of glamour and quick entertainment.

 

 

With TV coverage these days you hardly miss anything, except if you are Sneaky Raider Montoya.



Ah yes... the much loved Darrel Waltrip.

We have a contention plan for this year. If he gets out of control we call up Jason, just be sure not to feed Darrel before the race.



As if a 500 mile race wasn't enough we get tons of track action from other classes, take note:

 

modifieds

 

 

late models

 

 

trucks, debuting a new bodywork! Followed by the usual month long break, copied by the briliant minds of the ACO.

 

 

nationwide (after this year no longer on your side) And since it's Daytona, stay sharp for Cup regulars, will be ironic if KyBu decides to skip it.

 

All these classes will be filling track time with practicing and qualifying, the smaller ones will be using the Daytona short track on the backstretch.

 

 

And just for a bit more of side info here is a layout of track inclination

 

 

The Cup cars will have 2 legs of qualifying, an old shool F1 style run-tune-run-tune qualifying with Brad The Kes getting stuck behind a Minardi, followed by a crazy shootout race to decide starting postions behind 1 and 2. Will we have a repeat from last year?
 

 

So with no further delay, here is the shedule for the races.

 

(all times local)

Saturday, February 15

4:15 pm - Lucas Oil 200 (ARCA)

8:15 pm - Bud Shootout

Tuesday, February 18

7 pm - UNOH Battle At The Beach (hopefully will get free youtube coverage again this year)

Thursday, February 20

7 pm - Budweiser Duels

Friday, February 21

7:30 pm - NextEra Energy Resources 250 (Trucks, probably featuring a Bodine)

Saturday, February 22

1:15 pm - DRIVE4COPD 300 (Nationwide, nope. Still not Dillon free)

Sunday, February 23

1 pm - Big Cheese escape-the-bigone-and-you-win 500

 

TV Coverage:

Speed er... Fox will be carrying duties for the truck and main race.

ESPN will handle Nationwide Race, Motors TV will probably air the Natiowide race as well.

The nigerian crew has already been shipped by container, be sure to wire the cash to the usual places.

 

BOGIDITY! BOGIDITY! It's racing season again!

 

Edited by Red17, 08 February 2014 - 17:25.

[Andrew Hope]

See, I'm kinda glad you took this one. No matter what epic masterpiece you pen this is the only race in the NASCAR calendar where it's 50/50 the actual race will be more enjoyable than talking about the race.

 

An inspired read Red17!

 

So let's get down to business:

 

 

 

 

Actually I thought I had way more pictures in my Kyle Sucks folder than it turns out I do.

 

To make up for it I submit Stone Cold Steve Austin using his finishing move, the Stone Cold Stunner, on the Hindenburg:

 

[Myrvold]

I missed 1.75 things in the OP.

 

The cat!!! (That's 1)

The 1998 F1 standings (that's 0.75)

Other than that, magnificent!

[Victor_RO]

Official status granted, this is properly brilliant. 

[Andrew Hope]

 

 

It's Sprint Cup time!

 

 

Poor Danica. Obviously she missed the part about liberal use of eyeliner when going for the sexy Italian female soldier look:

 

 

[MightyMoose]

Glad to see that Danica Cat-trick opens this thread now.

 

Good to see a proper race thread once more, been a long (& cold) off-season

[jonpollak]

The cat!!! (That's 1)


Other than that, magnificent!

The Pussy is in Place Myrv
Jp

[Myrvold]

The Pussy is in Place Myrv
Jp

 

Ah, yes, a cat was there from the start, but not the cat. Though, The Cat might be Andrew's special

[Andrew Hope]

The entire purpose of the internet is to be able to view billions of images of pussy in one sense or another and y'all gotta steal my cat?

 

[Magoo]

Will be spending time here in review of this year's NASCAR season. You folks have the right idea. You don't take it too seriously. 

[Myrvold]

The entire purpose of the internet is to be able to view billions of images of pussy in one sense or another and y'all gotta steal my cat?

 

That's what happens when you show off the most brilliant pussy ever seen on a forum! Blame yourself!

[Richard T]

To bad it clashes with men's Olympic figure-skating...

[whitewaterMkII]

niiice...

I'm slightly more interested in NASCAR this year just to see how much new rules jack it up.

Too bad we don't get to see knock out quallys yet...

[Andrew Hope]

You could lock two racing fans in a room for a year and they couldn't come up with a qualifying format they both agree with.

[Tombstone]

I'm just going for the racing. (And the atmosphere, beer, hot dogs etc.)

 

Can't really support Danica, as Mrs Tombstone (& the kids) will be accompanying me.

Edited by Tombstone, 09 February 2014 - 18:37.

[Lemnpiper]

   Since folks want cats perhaps Option 1 can put that animated GIF in the Nascar 2014 thread in here as well. 

[Andrew Hope]

 

Now if we could just get two cats to work together, one pushing the pedals and one steering the wheel. We'd be CAT ON POLE now!

[paulb]

oh, thats too easy.

 

Edited by paulb, 09 February 2014 - 23:52.

[Deluxx]

Actually I thought I had way more pictures in my Kyle Sucks folder than it turns out I do.

 

To make up for it I submit Stone Cold Steve Austin using his finishing move, the Stone Cold Stunner, on the Hindenburg:

 

Lol, someone used my cap of KyBu haha! I have a bunch somewhere from last year... i'll find some later.

 

-------
 

Anyone know if Fox is streaming their events? I know ESPN will, at least for this year.

 

Lol'd @ 

 

--

 

Whats been everyone up to on the break?

[Wuzak]

Ah yes... the much loved Darrel Waltrip.
We have a contention plan for this year. If he gets out of control we call up Jason, just be sure not to feed Darrel before the race.

Someone needs to give Darrel a ride in a 2 seat F1 car.

[Deluxx]

Oh JP youre doing the Texas race thread this year btw

[jonpollak]

Go ahead... put a gun to my head.
As long as it doesn't clash with Figure Skating.
Jp

[Option1]

   Since folks want cats perhaps Option 1 can put that animated GIF in the Nascar 2014 thread in here as well. 

I admit to being at a loss as to which gif you mean, Paul.

 

Alzheimer's, schmalzheimers.

 

Neil

[Jambo]

True story, I recorded the video for the drivers meeting before the race last week, insider info yo!

[Andrew Hope]

http://www.sbnation....sprint-cup-race

 

Richard Petty: "Danica Patrick can only win if everyone else stays home"

 

World: "Richard Petty Motorsports can only win if everyone else stays home".

[Red17]

See, I'm kinda glad you took this one. No matter what epic masterpiece you pen this is the only race in the NASCAR calendar where it's 50/50 the actual race will be more enjoyable than talking about the race.

 

An inspired read Red17!

 

So let's get down to business:

 

 

 

 

Actually I thought I had way more pictures in my Kyle Sucks folder than it turns out I do.

 

To make up for it I submit Stone Cold Steve Austin using his finishing move, the Stone Cold Stunner, on the Hindenburg:

 

 

A reminder from last year just to troll Andrew.

 

[loki]

 You don't take it too seriously. 

And from the looks of the new rules neither does Brian France...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

[whitewaterMkII]

heh

 

Richard Petty:

Danica will win "if everyone else stays home"

 

http://www.sportingn...recommended_1_5

[Jim Thurman]

Will be spending time here in review of this year's NASCAR season. You folks have the right idea. You don't take it too seriously. 

 

How could we?  How (or maybe why) would anyone?

 

Note to self: more cat gifs in my posts for 2014.

[Andrew Hope]

>2014

>taking anything seriously

 

[Ross Stonefeld]

heh

 

Richard Petty:

Danica will win "if everyone else stays home"

 

http://www.sportingn...recommended_1_5

 

Oh, snap. The Front Office likes a bit of hate, but not between two of their big Names. It's one thing when Kyle says stuff but...

 

I wish there was more of his quotes or at least the context of the question. Is he saying she's struggling but can get there, a hopeless gimmick, what?

[Andrew Hope]

Oh, snap. The Front Office likes a bit of hate, but not between two of their big Names. It's one thing when Kyle says stuff but...

 

I wish there was more of his quotes or at least the context of the question. Is he saying she's struggling but can get there, a hopeless gimmick, what?

 

Going by his comments regarding other female drivers I'd say he's just being a stubborn old man. Although he is right.

[Red17]

Oh, snap. The Front Office likes a bit of hate, but not between two of their big Names. It's one thing when Kyle says stuff but...

 

I wish there was more of his quotes or at least the context of the question. Is he saying she's struggling but can get there, a hopeless gimmick, what?

 

Here is the original source with a link to audio.

 

http://www.wheels.ca...ard-petty-says/

[FBJim]

Have they changed the plate race packages at all? (And honestly, with the comically large spoilers I saw them testing with last, I really am dreading the idea of watching any fast track this season)

[Andrew Hope]

Ol' Five Time's got himself a glow in the dark helmet. Badass!

 

http://instagram.com/p/kQQMFREpeV/#

[jonpollak]

Petty / Danica made the NBC Nightly Mews

mee owww.

 

Jp

[whitewaterMkII]

 

 

I wish there was more of his quotes or at least the context of the question. Is he saying she's struggling but can get there, a hopeless gimmick, what?

Struggling:Y

Hopeless:Y

Gimmick:Y

Any other questions?

[Marc Sproule]

haven't seen this posted elsewhere here......

 

http://www.wheels.ca...ard-petty-says/

 

 

[Lemnpiper]

I admit to being at a loss as to which gif you mean, Paul.

 

Alzheimer's, schmalzheimers.

 

Neil

 

 

   Neil   

 

 

 It's in the 2014 Nascar General Discussion thread post #168  or Post #172, as soon as you see it it you'll remember it

 

 

   Thanks Paul

[Andrew Hope]

haven't seen this posted elsewhere here......

 

http://www.wheels.ca...ard-petty-says/

 

Apart from where I posted it 12 hours ago and whitewater posted it 8 hours ago, you mean?

[Marc Sproule]

Apart from where I posted it 12 hours ago and whitewater posted it 8 hours ago, you mean?

 

damnation!!!!  guess i'll have to clean my glasses sometime this year after all

 

oh well

 

precocious senility is not a pretty sight

[Option1]

   Neil   

 

 

 It's in the 2014 Nascar General Discussion thread post #168  or Post #172, as soon as you see it it you'll remember it

 

 

   Thanks Paul

Ahhhh, thanks, Paul.  That'd be this one then (I didn't remember a cat in it).

 

 

Neil

[Deluxx]

Have they changed the plate race packages at all? (And honestly, with the comically large spoilers I saw them testing with last, I really am dreading the idea of watching any fast track this season)

 

Apparently they have... I only caught a little bit of the test session, because they had it on Fox Sports 2, and it was non HD so it looked like shitesta.

 

But supposedly they are doing things to the aero to try to limit drafting... but anything better than last year's Daytona Follow the Leader 500 will be an improvement.

[Risil]

>2014

>taking anything seriously

 

 

My girlfriend saw this and laughed. I hope NASCAR are grateful for the new fans we're bringing to the sport.

[paulb]

My girlfriend saw this and laughed. I hope NASCAR are grateful for the new fans we're bringing to the sport.

You guys and your damn creative race preview descriptions are what is doing it for me.  I may actually have to watch a race.

 

You sucked me into IndyCar and now NASCAR. sheesh

[Andrew Hope]

You guys and your damn creative race preview descriptions are what is doing it for me.  I may actually have to watch a race.

 

You sucked me into IndyCar and now NASCAR. sheesh

 

Well, if you're going to give NASCAR a shot this year, there are some things to keep in mind . Some of the criticism it gets (particularly on here from F1 fans) is thoroughly deserved, and some is absolute horseshit. Is there some ****ery with invisibris cautions? Yes. Is the result of every race completely contrived and meaningless? Not at all.

 

And I'm sure this is obvious, but try to keep in mind that in the top 3 NASCAR series alone, there's going to be about 100 races this year, and they can't all be something to write home about. Every year there's a handful of people who give NASCAR a shot, watch the first 50 laps of some snorefest at Las Vegas and never bother watching again. If the race sucks this week, it sucks this week. That doesn't mean the Nationwide series race at Road America in June isn't going to be the greatest thing you see that month. It doesn't mean the Truck series going to Eldora and Mosport won't be phenomenal. NASCAR is a completely different animal and some things it does way better than European series and some things it does a hell of a lot worse. Taken for what it is it's a rewarding and entertaining way to spend three hours on a Sunday.

Edited by Andrew Hope, 11 February 2014 - 21:28.

[Red17]

Just to add to what Andrew posted. Take it as tips from someone who is still following F1.

 

Yes, don't take it too seriously, keep in mind it's decades of show and entertainment, things in Nascar can be very weird if you come from a European/FIA enviroment. Do yourself a favour, don't question,roll your eyes and say "Nascar", or think there is a Charlie Whiting on high running the race.

 

Start watching a truck race, same rules, more or less the same tracks but shorter distances (and mute your TV unless you want to hear Michael Waltrip going about how dificult it is to drive a truck everytime there is an accident). Most of the truck races are on Fridays. If you can stomach trucks, upgrade to Nationwide.

 

Nationwide, see it as the GP2 of Nascar where Mark Webber is allowed to enter his F1 car, Lot's of new guns here trying to reach the golden ticket. In 90% of the season they will share the track with the Cup cars. Races are usually about the distance of your regular GP. Diference to trucks is that they use pony cars and a lot of Cup teams runs cars here as well.

 

If you stomached all the above then you are sort of ready for the Cup, I will explain some of what I could gather myself if you make it through the first 2 tiers.

Edited by Red17, 11 February 2014 - 22:56.

[whitewaterMkII]

Throw into it, every driver, in all three series and some of it crossing over, will be thoroughly pissed at one another sometime or another and some of that carries on from race to race. And they will say so, no pissing around the corner about it. Seriously pissed off and saying so. And it has already started this year with one of the all time greats, Richard Petty, saying that the Danica could only win a race where no one else shows up. Could you imagine an all timer like Jackie Stewart or Hill saying anything like that about the most hopeless sophomore in F1? Never happen. 

Yes the cars are bricks, yes they run 50's tech like pushrod engines and solid rear axles, but damn, those hillbillies get 200mph out of them and the sleds have waaaay more horsepower than the skinny ass/ hard as a rock tires could possibly handle, so it does take a helluva driver to put together.

Fun ****. 

Edited by whitewaterMkII, 12 February 2014 - 03:56.

[PayasYouRace]

An alternative route to get interested in NASCAR is how I did it. Find yourself a good NASCAR race sim or even an entertaining console game. I wouldn't have given NASCAR the light of day if I hadn't picked up NASCAR Racing 4 on a holiday in Portugal once. That was one of the Papyrus sims and really captured the technical difficulties of driving a stock car round an oval. Years later I also picked up one of EA Sports NASCAR games for my PS2. Not as realistic a sim, but included aspects such as teammates working together in the draft, and bump drafting, and how you will allies and make enemies out on track. It captured a lot of the essence of NASCAR.

 

If you have friends interested in motorsport, suggest putting a race on one evening. I watched the 2009 Daytona 500 with my mates at uni, and though we spent a good deal of time laughing at many of NASCAR's absurdities, we also enjoyed some good racing.

 

I don't get that many opportunities to watch, but I do try to watch a few races a year, especially the non-cookie-cutter-1.5-mile ovals and road courses. I generally won't stay up in the middle of the night like I would for an Indycar race, but if it's a US-daytime, Euro-evening timeslot I'll give it a shot.

Edited by PayasYouRace, 12 February 2014 - 14:16.

[Magoo]

For your race-watching convenience, here are all the driver/number/color combinations for 2014. You can't know your players without a program. Do you know all the new ones?

 

Handy one-stop car ID Guide - LINK: 

 

 

 

2014 NASCAR Sprint Cup Spotter's Guide | Mac's Motor City Garage.com