Indycar Racing Round 10 of 16: Toronto Presents the Indycar World Series Powered by Canada
You're not really paying attention. Closely following a week of TT racing at the Isle of Man, 24 hours of hybrids breaking down at Le Mans, and bike racing in Barcelona for however many MotoGP classes are worth following these days, we've got this ungodly hangover of a racing event in the bowling alley that is downtown-ish Toronto. Yes, it's time for Indycar to make an exhibition of itself at Exhibition Place.
In case you really want to watch it though
Here's the weekend schedule. From the internet!
Friday 12 June
10.45: Indycar practice 1
14.45: Indycar practice 2
15.45: Racing already! It's the Canadian Touring Car Series. Canada has a touring car series.
Saturday 13 June
9.45: Nelson Piquet Lights qualifying
10.40: Indycar practice 3
12.40: USF2000 race 1
13.35: Pro Mazda race 1
14.30: Indycar qualifying
16.00: Robby Gordon Presents Stadium Super Tracks Powered by Shitty Ramps Made of Plyboard
16.45: Piquet Lights race 1
17.50: Canadian Touring Cars again. Imagine how important this news would be if you owned a car dealership in Toronto.
Sunday 14 June
9.00: USF2000 again
10.00: Pro Mazda, which is different from USF2000, race 2. By the way Le Mans should be finished by now.
11.00: Indycar warm-up (how come they do about a month of practice at Indianapolis and don't need a morning warm-up?)
11.45: Piquet Lights again! I hope Piquet and Pigot qualify on the same row.
14.10: Idiot Truck Race Powered by Your Self-Hatred
15.30: Let's do the Indycar race! Incidentally on the Honda Indy Toronto website it just says "Drivers' Start Your Engines", which is an interesting way of interpreting that command. As if this is a special "Start Your Engines" just for the drivers, and by the way we all definitely know what a "Start Your Engines" is.
15.37: Pedantry out the way, the green flag should be waving
19.00: Gates Close. Anyone still in Exhibition Place will be considered property of Her Majesty and will at the earliest convenience be shipped to Alberta and injected into rocks at high velocity.
What else do I need to know?
Calm down, racing is meant to be entertainment. You need to know nothing. You'll enjoy it more if you know nothing. Here's some carefully considered and concentrated nothing, below:
* Since the airporty Edmonton race disappeared into whatever scenery it is they have in Edmonton, the Indy Toronto at Exhibition Place has been the only stop in the land of Mounties, Phil Hartman and long car journeys. However, they haven't brought any Canadians with them. Mind you, if you've been near any Indycar news at all, you'll know that we're very lucky to have any Canadians on the Indycar roster at all.
* The Exhibition Place circuit? A classic, in the sense that politicians, ugly buildings and whores get respectable if they last long enough. Or in this case, featured in the film Driven. It has good overtaking sports in the sense that Bikini Atoll would be a good place for a holiday. While I go out and buy some replacements for these Eisenhower-era analogies, I'll leave you to recall the extraordinary Sunday-only double-header last year.
No Two in Toronto this time. Although given the noises during the offseason, we can be grateful for One in Ontario.
*News? There is no time for news. We have replaced news with motor races. Michael Andretti is depressed about aero kits and since the bloke responsible for them left the series almost three years ago in circumstances not entirely unconnected to Mikey, there doesn't seem to be much to be done. Not that it's stopping him!
*Actually that was a lie. We have driver changes and a Jeff Gordonesque Jurassic Park livery, all courtesy of the Buddhist Impermanence Parable that we gahapatika call Chip Ganassi Racing. Sage Karam, Indycar's answer to the Nissan GTR-LM, has been ordered to work off his debt to Chip Ganassi by working as his butler. Sebastian Saavedra, Indycar's answer to the Colin Le Mans, steps in to replace him. ÂExpectations are low, but if repair bills are lower it will be some kind of victory for someone. Dale Coyne are sticking with Tristan Vautier and Rodolfo Gonzalez for a second successive weekend. Francesco Dracone, Indycar's answer to Garage 56, has disappeared from the scene.
Chevrolet has a long, long history with dinosaurs. Me-ow!
And there you have it. The season is speeding to completion like a train that's terminating a couple of hours before your destination, and judging by previous form Toronto is likely to give us something. Well, enjoy it. What's the weather doing?
Edited by Risil, 13 June 2015 - 11:10.
Can't wait to see the racing, but a bit disappointed that Hitchcliff will not be racing.
