Very well then...
Presenting the Newcastle upon Tyne ePrix. The course, measuring 3.68 km (2.28 miles) will be known as the George Robson Memorial Circuit, commemorating the 1946 Indianapolis 500 winner, who was born in 1909 in Elswick, a couple of miles west of the Tyne Bridge. The winner will receive the Sir Joseph Swan Trophy, named after the (Sunderland-born) scientist who on February 3rd 1879 gave the first public demonstration in the world of a working electric light; the demonstration took place at the Literary and Philosophical Society of Newcastle upon Tyne, a building which lies alongside the circuit.
Don't worry if you can't remember all the history first time - Bob Varsha will be contractually obligated to drop all these little gems into commentary during the event.
The lap begins on the Tyne Bridge (marked in red on the map), 30 metres (98 feet) above the river, with the start-line at the mid-point of the bridge - the border between the City of Newcastle upon Tyne and the Metropolitan Borough of Gateshead. This does, strictly speaking, violate Rule 3 of Vielleicht's OP, but I can exclusively reveal that Gateshead have agreed that the small segment of their Borough that the circuit runs through will be temporarily designated part of the City of Newcastle for the duration of the meeting. Always a formality, of course; Geordies, Mackems and all the various North East tribes have always lived in harmony with no rivalry or ill-feeling between them at any time. Seriously. Trust me on this.
Coming off the Bridge, the field turns into the long left of The Central Bar Loop (in deference to local culture and sacred beliefs, most of the corners are named after nearby pubs). This drops down past the Sage concert hall and under the Tyne Bridge - this is, I believe, Formula E's first figure of eight track - to reach river level at the Swing Bridge.
Bob Varsha Commentary Break: The Swing Bridge occupies the site of the original Roman bridge over the Tyne, the Pons Aelius. The current bridge dates from 1876 and gets its name from the fact that it pivots around the middle to allow ships to reach the sea from the Armstrong Shipyard a mile or so upstream - George Robson's birthplace at the now-demolished Evelyn Gardens in Elswick overlooked the shipyard, which is now a business park.
Crossing the Swing Bridge brings the field back into Newcastle for the rest of the lap, with a long right-left swinging them along Sandhill, then past the Red House to climb up Side and then a fast right (Crown Posada) onto Dean Street. At the top of Dean Street, there is a 90-degree left onto the West Road. Passing St Nicholas' Cathedral, the cars again turn left onto St Nicholas Street and drop down towards the Castle and the approach to High Level Bridge. Turning right before they reach the High Level, at Bridge Hotel corner, the field runs up Westgate Road, through the slight right-hand kink of Split Chimp and on past the "Lit and Phil", where Swan gave his historic demonstration.
Bob Varsha Commentary Break: As they pass the Lit and Phil, the cars will travel across the line of Hadrian's Wall, marked by a plaque on the side of the building.
No Formula E track is complete without a tight chicane, so as the cars pass the George Stephenson Monument on the right, with Central Station in front of them, they flick right and then left at Long Bar (this pub is now officially called the Waiting Rooms, but it was the Long Bar for generations and we're not changing it now).
Bob Varsha Commentary Break: In the original 1971 film version of Get Carter, Michael Caine is seen leaving Central Station and crossing the road into the Victoria and Comet Hotel. However, when the camera switches to the internal shot, it is the Long Bar that Jack Carter is in.
After the Long Bar, the circuit turns right at the Mile Castle onto Grainger Street and climbs again in a long straight blast up to the Grainger Market. This is the highest point of the track at 42 metres (138 feet) above the river. A fast right-hander at Grainger Market leads onto Market Street, which drops down to the crossing with Grey Street, the Theatre Royal on the right and Grey's Monument up on the left, before rising again to the right-hander at Pilgrim Street. Dropping downhill, the field arrives at the Swan House Roundabout, the left-hander leading onto which will be known as the Monkey Bar turn.
Bob Varsha Commentary Break: The Market Lane Tavern dates back to around 1850 and has long been known as the Monkey Bar. The story goes that it was a popular watering hole for the Irish labourers who built much of Victorian Newcastle, who would leave their hods, or "monkeys", in the passageway as security against their bar bill. By contrast, the Swan House building - which is, of course named after Joseph Swan, and around which the roundabout runs - was built in the mid-sixties and was formerly the local British Telecom headquarters but is now a block of luxury apartments called 55 North, after the circle of latitude that runs through the city.
Now in the final stages of the lap, the cars loop right around the Swan House, leading them back onto the approach to the Tyne Bridge. If they instead continue left from Monkey Bar, they enter the pit-lane - which in civilian life is the slip road onto the A167(M) Central Motorway. The pits (yellow on the map) will be on the motorway itself, with the slip roads on either side, plus the New Bridge roundabout (all in turquoise) forming the pit entrance and exit lanes.
And there we have it. There will be quite a bit of "street furniture" to move to enable this track...but we've already got Gateshead to agree to cede territory to Newcastle for a weekend so, y'know. It's two lanes most of the way, and the Tyne Bridge is four, though anyone trying anything too ambitious along there will have plenty of time to consider the folly of their ways before they hit the water. Certainly the least problem will be the road closures - last Sunday, the runners in the Great North Run ran down the pit-lane and over the Tyne Bridge for the 39th year; on Monday the third stage of the Tour of Britain came in along the Quayside before turning at the Red House to climb Side, Dean Street and Grey Street for a "summit finish" at the Monument; and on Tuesday they set off on stage four from the Sage to head off for Kendal. This city knows how to re-route traffic if there's something going in the centre.
Anyway, as a bloke from Zanzibar once almost said: "This isn't real life. This is just fantasy".
Edited by Alan Lewis, 15 September 2019 - 18:43.
got a layout I'm happy with I just can't find anywhere completely sensible to put to pit-lane...
