You invite comparisons.
Pop culture takes over.
And so, in the grand tradition of of the Star Wars Movie Universe, not to be confused with the MCU or, God help us, Star Trek, I give you this weekend's IndyCar extravaganza, to be held a short time from now, in a land where, it is said, they look, look away . . .
https://www.youtube....h?v=7QPV0Aeheak
For those without the patience for the traditional crawl . . .
IndyCar
Episode IV
A New Hope
It is a period of renewed optimism. Andretti rebels, facing the indomitable force of the Ganassi Empire, temporarily halted the seemingly unstoppable run of victories of Lord Palou in Long Beach, relegating him to (checks notes) a humbling second place.
The battle now moves to NASCAR country, to the rambling hillsides outside Iron City, where a dairy heir hath a stately autodrome decreed.
Can Palou be stopped? Can a sense that anything other than a Ganassi championship is indeed possible be returned to the galaxy?
The Basics, for those with no patience for IndyCar thread tomfoolery.
The Schedule
All times local, U.S. Central Standard Time
Friday, May 2
1:30 – INDY NXT Practice 1
2:30 – NTT INDYCAR SERIES Practice 1
Saturday, May 3
09:00 – INDY NXT Practice 2
10:30 – NTT INDYCAR SERIES Practice 2
12:30 – INDY NXT Qualifying
1:30 – NTT INDYCAR SERIES Qualifying
Sunday, May 4
09:00 – NTT INDYCAR SERIES Warm-Up
10:30 – INDY NXT Race (35 laps), Green Flag 10:36
12:30 – NTT INDYCAR SERIES Pre-Race
12:47 – NTT INDYCAR SERIES CHILDREN’S OF ALABAMA GRAND PRIX (90 laps)
ALL SESSIONS AVAILABLE FOR INTERNATIONAL VIEWERS ON INDYCARLIVE.COM (SUBJECT TO AVAILABILITY).
The Track
Barber Motorsports Park
First INDYCAR Race: 2010
Turns: 17
Track Length: 2.38 miles
Elevation change: 80 feet
Number of Laps: 90
Race Distance: 214.2 miles
Race Lap Record: 1:06.8182, Pato O’Ward (2021)
’Winningest’ Driver: Josef Newgarden (3 wins)
’Winningest’ Team: Team Penske (8 wins)
’Winningest’ Engine: Chevrolet (8 wins)
Current Drivers with Barber Wins: McLaughlin (2023, 2024), O’Ward (2022), Palou (2021), Newgarden (2018, 2017, 2015), Power (2012, 2011)
Barber is famous for its world class motorcycle museum and sculpture scattered around the track that reflects its owner's offbeat sense of humor.
Charlotte, of 'Web" fame. Wilbur not included.
Offtrack excursions are not recommended.
When I first posted this, I made a joke about it representing IndyCar's quest for a third engine manufacturer. It was funnier then.
Ted Gall's "The Chase"
Georgina, after the 2024 fall. You don't get this kind of action at every track.
The Story So Far
NTT INDYCAR SERIES
1st – Álex Palou (142 pts)
2nd – Kyle Kirkwood (108 pts)
3rd – Christian Lundgaard (96 pts)
4th – Felix Rosenqvist (88 pts)
5th -- Scott Dixon (61 pts)
6th – Pato O’Ward (80 pts)
7th – Colton Herta (73 pts)
8th - Scott McLaughlin (69 pts)
9th – Will Power (63 pts)
10th – Josef Newgarden (58 pts)
Palou’s run of victories was halted at 2 at Long Beach, which was also his finishing position. If he is going to insist on standing on the podium at every race, this championship may be over early.
NTT INDYCAR SERIES Fantasy Challenge Driven by Firestone
1st – Cig35Racing (2067 pts)
2nd –No Ordinary Rabbit (2023 pts)
3rd – Loup Garou Racing (2017 pts)
What is behind me is not important.
https://www.youtube....h?v=fDaONrHK1f8
The Players
The Empire would have to be, of course, Penske Entertainment. Here is recently discovered footage of a meeting where owners discussed the new IndyCar chassis.
The Sith are harder to parse. There are, famously, only two Sith lords at any given time--a master to represent the power of the dark side of the Force, and an apprentice to crave it and train under the master and to one day fulfill their role. Wait. To define the issue is to answer the question.
Master.
Apprentice.
Not having the patience to wander through the entire franchise to figure out, Marshall Pruett-style, which driver is which
Anakin Skywalker Award, presented to the driver whose youthful promise seems to have been overtaken by an all-consuming interest in the “Dark Side.”
Winner: Josef Newgarden
Honorable Mention: Graham Rahal
Han Solo Award, presented to the driver who has demonstrated he can drive anything and win the princess in the end.
Winner: Scott McLaughlin
Captain Kirk Award—wrong franchise, but we have a winner anyway.
Winner: Kyle Kirkwood
Stormtrooper Award, presented to the team who has demonstrated that, despite firing hundreds of times, it is short of the target.
Winner: Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing
Honorable Mention: Prema
The “You Were the Chosen One” Award, presented to the driver who should have brought balance to the force, but fell way, way short.
Winner: Alexander Rossi, who failed to battle the empire at both Andretti and McLaren
The Location
I don't think we're in California anymore. The humidity should tip you off. Ah, Alabama. "Here We Rest" was the official state motto to 1939, and given that most of its settlers were arriving from Georgia or the Carolinas and simply didn't have the fortitude to make it to even Mississippi, well, a few hundreds years of history makes more sense now, doesn't it? "Heart of Dixie" went onto license plates in 1955 and hasn't come off since. At least you know where you stand.
Alabama. What can one say that Neil Young didn't put better?
https://www.youtube....h?v=wfCvLMX-SAc
Or, if that's too dark for you, a more pastoral interlude.
https://www.youtube....h?v=L9d5yNcFGlY
I guess that was a little sad too.
In Alabama, as in the rest of the Deep South, and Mid-West, and parts of the West Coast, college football is king.
Nick Saban's University of Alabama "Crimson Tide" teams racked up 6 championships between 2007 and 2023, when Saban found out he would have to treat his players like actual employees instead of indentured servants and retired. Former Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville is a United States Senator and, given the nature of this thread, I'm just going to quit there.
Before leaving this subject, a little local color.
For the uninitiated, that's "Roll Tide!"
Birmingham came up as a steel town, and is quite a nice place to visit. Try the BBQ! Its downtown boasts a first class museum chronicling the struggles of its African-American residents, and a statue of Vulcan looks over the area.
Alabama is also the temporary home of the liner S.S. United States, which arrived in Mobile recently so that it can be prepared for its next voyage, to the bottom of the Gulf off Florida where it will be an artificial reef.
Insert metaphor here.
Tomfoolery
No mad libs this week. Instead, amuse yourself with Seth MacFarlane's Star Wars conversation generator.
Phrase One: Something, something, something—Dark Side!
Phrase Two: Something, something, something—Destiiiinnnnnyyyyy!
Other notable May 4 events of history:
1869: The Cincinnati Red Stockings may have played the first recorded professional baseball game, against the Great Westerns of Cincinnati.
1910: The Royal Canadian Navy was founded. Which beats foundering.
1979: Margaret Thatcher became Great Britain's Prime Minister
2013: A Louisiana couple, perhaps over influenced by IndyCar advertising, purchased a Honda Accord.
Nostalgia
I penned this, with considerable help from Samuel Taylor Coleridge, for my first Barber OP many years ago and, having spent a few days perfecting it, yeah, that's the word I'm going to stick with, I'll be damned if I'm not going to run it again. There's nothing new after this so, if your tastes don't run to moderately tasteful, motorsports-infused parodies of classic verse, you may exit here.
The Dairy Heir
With apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Or, on the threshold of a dream. A Fragment
Near Birmingham, a dairy heir
A stately auto-drome decreed:
Carved out of hillsides o’ so fair
A verdant park for those who dare
To test the bounds of speed.
Eight hundred acres, fertile ground
Soon paved, and sculpture girdled round;
To reverence speed, and its splendid thrills,
While he kept many a shade-bearing tree;
From old growth forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh! that mass of asphalt which slanted
Down the green hill amongst velocity’s lovers!
A savage place! By Hermes haunted
As e’er beside an anxious crowd enchanted
By engines wailing ‘neath their molded covers!
And from this vale, cycles and sports cars seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A thought arose, from the emboldened heir:
Swift IndyCar might make it there!
Though positioned deep in NASCAR land,
Open-wheelers couldst soon command
Amid these pine-laden hills at once and ever
A following worthy of this grand endeavor.
Two and a-third miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale, Dallaras bold soon ran,
Ninety laps to gauge the measure of a man,
To plumb the limits of Nike’s devotion;
That sunny drome! Those matchless machines!
And all who follow should look with awe,
And all should cry, Huzzah! Huzzah!
The victor stands with triumphant mien!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And place the laurel upon his head
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
Edited by red stick, Today, 03:35.
