26 replies to this topic

[NeilB]

ITV bosses have announced a new programme to build-up to the first Grand Prix weekend, inspired by the success of "I'm A Celebrity..."

Ten F1 drivers hopeful of resurrecting their careers will be put into the Australian jungle, where they will have to complete certian tasks to gain food and credibility. The winning driver will then be funded by ITV to have one race in Minardi once Zsolt Baumgartner's funds run out. The winner will be announced on a live show whilst the first qualifying session of the season is taking place in Melbourne, to be followed by the qualifying footage.

Although the drivers taking part have yet to be confirmed, sources with ITV have leaked the ten most likely candidates...

- Eddie Irvine: The Irishman has expressed his interest to resurrect his career, though it has been denied it is yet another excuse not to come back to the UK due to his arrest warrant.

- Alex Yoong: No programme of this nature would be complete without the greatest F1 joke of recent years taking part.

- Jacques Villeneuve: Like Jordan, Villeneuve will be paid far more to take part than the other drivers as ITV believe he will have the biggest audience pulling potential. His firey temper and unpredictable nature should have viewers gripped. An early favourite to win.

- Antonio Pizzonia: 'Jungle Boy' is expected to make the best of the situation, and his hopes of victory are high.

- Nigel Mansell: ITV hope Nige alone will pull in a lot of British viewers, though he's reportedly been banned from using the Bush telegraph more than once day for fears that his repeated whining would ruin the programme's appeal.

- Mika Hakkinen: After his recent article in F1 racing, the public will be intrigued to know what Mika thinks about the talent of some of the characters he's sharing the camp with. TV bosses are also expected to decicate much of the show to wife Erja overlooking proceedings.

- Johnny Herbert: Will be one of the most popular characters on the show; Johnny's looking forward to a laugh in the jungle.

- Martin Brundle: Was expected to be one of the programme's hosts, but when told it meant an extra 10 days alongside James Allen, Martin begged to be one of the contestants.

- Nelson Piquet: Another big character that will add spice to the jungle; how he'll get on with Nige remains to be seen!

- Taki Inoue: The other drivers reportedly told bosses to bring Inoue into the camp, because they felt that a ) he'd make them all look a lot, lot better, and B ) they'd feel more secure, because if anybody was to be attacked by a deadly animal, it would be him.

Each day the contestants will have to face a bush-tucker trial to get food for the camp. The source also leaked what each trial would be:

- Interviewing Kimi Raikkonen. The driver must keep Kimi talking for 10 minutes, and each minute gained will be meal for camp. Falling asleep during the task will result in instant disqualification.

- Listening to James Allen. There will be snail race, and the contestant will have to listen to James Allen commentate on it for an hour and a half, about the same amount of time British viewers have to put up with it. Once again, falling asleep will result in no meals.

- Estimating Bernie's wallet. Bernie will bring his wallet along, and the driver has to guess how much money is in it. For each £1000 he is out, the camp will lose a meal.

- A burger race with JPM. The driver will have to sit alongside Montoya and eat burgers in a competetive race; for each extra burger Juan has consumed after one minute the camp will lose a meal.

- Translating Ron Dennis. Ron will give ten statements; the driver will have to work out what the hell he's talking about. A meal will be given for each correct answer.

- Boxing with Jos Verstappen. One of the most feared trials will see the driver in the ring with The Boss; each minute he lasts will gain a meal for camp.

- Fridge Throwing with Schumi. The driver will be up against Michael Schumacher in a fridge-throwing competition; there will be ten heats and each time the driver throws his fridge further than Schumi's, a meal will be gained.

- Pulling competition. A fit Aussie babe will be flown into the jungle, and the driver will have to chat her up and get her to take her knickers off within a limited time. However, the difficult part is that David Coulthard, Flavio Briatore and Jenson Button will be there too and if any of them succeed in the task before the contestant, then the camp will get no meals.

- Crashing cars out. The contestant will be put into a multi-player game of GP2, playing against Schumi. The race will be at Jerez, and for each extra car Schumi takes out over the contestant the camp will lose a meal.

Ant and Dec have turned down the opportunity to host the show, so bosses have put James Allen and Jim Rosental in charge (who will imaginatively call themselves "Jamie and Jimbo") With this strong line-up, ITV expect the show to be a ratings-winner. Watch this space!

[CONOSUR]

[BRNDLL]

NeilB... Welcome to Atlas.

[orange]

That was one of genuine laughs of recent times

Kimi listening contest , Burger eating , Jos the Boss ...
It just kept getting funnier ...

[HSJ]

[MortenF1]

[fifi]

[Hotwheels]

funny post .

[Estwald]

Nice

[MaxScelerate]

One of the best piece of humour on this board in recent time, thanks!

And welcome to the board.

[Linus27]

That is so funny

I thought of a few more games for you.

Crybaby: Two petrol powered radio controlled car are raced on a track. The contestant must race Jean Alesi and try and make his car last longer than Jean's by not running out of fuel. If the contestant win they get a meal for the camp. If the contestant manages to get Jean to cry, an extra meal is given to the camp.

Bullshit: The contestant sits down with Rubens and has to interview him about how fair he is treated at Ferrari and how he is not the number 2. If the contestant manage to get Rubens to say 5 negative comments about Ferrari or admit he is the number 2 to Michael then the camp gets a meal.

Rude Boy: The contestant has to have a conversation with Montoya for 5 mins. If they manage to get Monty to say less than 10 **** words in the conversation then the camp gets a meal.

Concentrate: A scalextric track is set up and the contestant has to race Jarno Trulli for an entire race. If the contestant can concentrate on the race for longer than Jarno Trulli then the camp gets a meal. The race lasts for 2 laps :)

[MortenF1]

Originally posted by Linus27


Concentrate: A scalextric track is set up and the contestant has to race Jarno Trulli for an entire race. If the contestant can concentrate on the race for longer than Jarno Trulli then the camp gets a meal. The race lasts for 2 laps :)

[confucius]

Originally posted by NeilB


- Taki Inoue: The other drivers reportedly told bosses to bring Inoue into the camp, because they felt that B ) they'd feel more secure, because if anybody was to be attacked by a deadly animal, it would be him.

That's hilarious....in a sad way

[philhitchings]

Mr bolshevick you have competition

[coyoteBR]

- Boxing with Jos Verstappen. One of the most feared trials will see the driver in the ring with The Boss; each minute he lasts will gain a meal for camp.

Oh, I would put Nelson Piquet on this one - he has enough experience with Eliseo Salazar

[Henri Greuter]

Another contest:

Try to talk yourself into a ride with Peter Sauber in an attempt to outdo Giancarlo Fisichella in claiming you deserve a place at Ferrari.

Food for a week for everyone if Peter cuts off Fisi from the team, being persuaded there are better baggers out there than Fisi....


Henri Greuter

[madmac]

Well done very funny

[Vitesse2]

How about:

Keeping Ralf's pram supplied with toys? Contestants have two minutes to keep refilling Ralf's pram while Ralf throws the toys out again. One meal is gained for every toy still in the pram at the end: if Ralf succeeds in throwing all the toys out of his pram he is also entitled to sit in a corner and sulk, in which case all contestants lose three meals.

[Bumper]

Originally posted by NeilB
Boxing with Jos Verstappen.

[Pine]

Brilliant NielB. Welcome to Atlas

[Linus27]

Money: The contestant has to try and convince Ralf Schumacher to drive your team for less than 5 million. If he accepts then the camp gets a meal.

[masterhit]

Has to be better than the real thing:

Shopping in Barcelona with Beverly Turner and Ferrnando Alonso

James Allen not knowing what's going on, and having to ask poor Brundle, so what's your view, Martin?

I still think 'Hang Gliding in a Chest of Drawers with Johnny Herbert' or 'Shark Wrestling with Patrick Head' sounds promising.

[fissijo]

- Martin Brundle: Was expected to be one of the programme's hosts, but when told it meant an extra 10 days alongside James Allen, Martin begged to be one of the contestants.

Brilliant post, needed a good laugh!!

[avalon f1]

welcome NeilB
really good stuff

[Pikachu Racing]

[ffiloseta]

Nice one!

Still, I find it disheartening that Gaston Mazzacane wasn't invited...

[The Vulcan]

I guess any disputes and interpretation of rules will be handled by Max Mosley?;)