45 replies to this topic

[armchair expert]

So what do drivers do all day?
They obviously have their hands full during the five days of a race meeting, with sponsor commitments, interviews, practice etc. When testing is on, they have maybe three hours in the car each day, with review of telemetry and other appraisals and analysis of the car and their own performance and evaluation of whatever it is was the feature of that test program.

But this is only a small portion of their time. What do they do for the other 250 days a year? We hear talk of how so and so is great, always visiting the factory and speaking to the engineers and designers and so on, but really, apart from getting to know everyone, isn’t this just distracting professionals from getting the job done? And how many times can you visit the factory without being simply a pain in the arse? *

(*Unless you are Schumi; who would go and point out to Ross that the front wing end plate was a little too steep, fabricate a new one, fit it, pump up the tyres, put it on the truck, take it to the track, break the lap record before giving it a service, clean and polish).

Okay they have to keep in shape, and this requires a strong work out regime, but this is only three hours a day maximum? Noting that most Grand Prix drivers do not, or are not allowed to race anything else, do they practice on simulators for 8 hours a day or just read a book or two? You have to keep your reactions sharp , so is this why some of them ride bikes or ski (or play tennis)?

If they were in a normal professional team sport, they would be involved in fitness training, skills training, reviewing videos of past performances or competitors’ performances and review/discussion of team tactics. Is this akin to how the F1 racer spends his time?

Any ideas?

[lukywill]

most of them writing in this bb.

[armchair expert]

Originally posted by lukywill
most of them writing in this bb.

Surely they have something else to do?? Gamble on the horses or something?

[chris_canuk]

Hang out in strip clubs waving their dicks around.

[Taxi]

5:30 Alonso wakes up. Carefully makes his bed nursing all the structure

9:00
.
Fisichella wake up. Starts crying.

Hamilton wakes up. Ron Dennis helps him take the shower and get dress.

Felipe Massa wakes up. When he gets up the bed, crashes against the bathroon door.

David Coulthatd wakes up. Puts aside 2 of the 5 girls he spent the night with. Goes to the bathroom and shaves with a 30 cm knife.

Tiago Monteiro wake up. Doesn’t get up c'os he doesn't know if he is still a F1 driver.

Mark Webber wakes up. ups. he's already dressed.. oh.. look taking his breakFAST...

Jenson Button wake up. Calls David Coulthard to ask for a girl.

9:30

Alonso eats breakfast. Milk, orange juice, vitamins.

Fisichella stops crying and puts something in his mouth.

Ron Dennis Gives Hamilton the food on his mouth

Coulthard eats a girl.

Button eats a girl Coulthard didn’t want.

Massa is at the hospital

Raikkonen wakes up. Breaks the bed with his bare hands. while drinking water

10:00

Alonso starts his test. Drives quick an steady.

Hamilton asks Ron to pee

Fisichella offers Flavio to paint the new Renault. flavio accepts and the car was revealed on jan. 24

david on the shower

jenson on the shower.

kimi reaches the breakfast. refuses the Italian food. Drinks a bit more of that watter. Pushes the waitress


10:30

Alonso clocks big

David cocks big

Jenson realises he lacks a bit of both

Kovalainen is turned "on"

Hamilton has a little fever. Ron takes him to the hospital.

Fisichella claims the new Renault design is not suited to his driving.

Raikkonen listen in his I-pod "lets work... be proud..."


12:00

Alonso lunch. Healthy food. Gives an interview with poor children.

Hamilton gets confused with a poor children

Kovalainen is turned "off" meaning he doesn't eat.

Fisichella dreams of becoming world champion

Webber is already dinning.

Massa was put in the shrink co's he was making races with a wheel chair in the hospital.

Raikkonen reaches the circuit. Ferrari mecs give him a fiat Stilo JTD saying its the new Ferrari. Kimi goes out and comes in a bit disappointed as the car broke down and he was 2 secs off the pace.

Monteiro calls Berger to know if he is still a F1 driver.

Coulthard eats for the first time.


14:30

Alonso is developing the Mclaren and gives a ride to hamilton so that the boy understands how it's done.

Fisichella dreams of becoming world champion.

Frank Williams thinks of hiring Massa .

Button goes shopping before someone calls him and says he is a F1 driver

Monteiro would like to receive an identical call

Renault engeniers download from the internet an upgrade for kovalainen meaning he might develop a personality. or at least to make is hair go down.

Raikkonen got drunk with water.


18:00

Alonso has dinner and is ready to go to bed.

Hamilton sees cartoons

Fisichella tries new colour schemes to the renault

Kovalainen hair didn't go down

Coulthard's kilt attracts some men in the red bull team

Felipe Massa calls todt. The French manager says he didn't miss anything from the testing as Schumacher came and developed the car until 2012.

Raikkonen breaks his I-pod because he always listens in max volume.


22:30

David Coulthard is in bed. he needs to sleep. Meaning he gave Jenson Buttton 2 girls and 1 to Hamilton so that he can lose virginity. Ron is there to help. And to lose it too.

Fisichella goes to bed. Dreams of something.

Kovalainen turned "off".

Raikkonen goes for a ride in a bike. Gently passes a few cars on the high way.

Tiago Monteiro goes to bed and thinks .. " I wonder....?"

[Stephan]

Taxi; post of the century!

[Levike]

[Taxi]

Originally posted by Stephan
Taxi; post of the century!

thanks... I edited it for a last joke.

[lukywill]

taxi

[Ross Stonefeld]

Is Kovalainen assumed to be robotic because he's Finnish?

[Taxi]

Originally posted by Ross Stonefeld
Is Kovalainen assumed to be robotic because he's Finnish?

it's just a cliché. Nothing personal, of course. My intention in the satire is to talk about the low profile of that driver.

[connerz]

He's Finnish?

[WACKO]

good fun this one

[roadie]

Fantastic post taxi!

[noikeee]

the jokes on Hamilton

[snash]

[KWSN - DSM]

Great job, can I post it on other forums?

[cheesy poofs]

Aaaaaah man!

[RiDE]

hahahahaahahahhahaah

[armchair expert]

Originally posted by Taxi
5:30 Alonso wakes up. Carefully makes his bed nursing all the structure...
...
Tiago Monteiro goes to bed and thinks .. " I wonder....?"

Love it.

I would add:

"Alonso woos sponsors, Mac received budget boost of $800M, decide to relocate Paragon to Spain."

Either way, they don't seem to be pressed for time all that often.

[nigel red5]

Good one Taxi Some parts of that are really funny

[Orin]

Great post Taxi

But you're wide of the mark with Kovalainen, he seems to have more personality than the majority of the grid.

[Taxi]

Originally posted by KWSN - DSM
Great job, can I post it on other forums?

of course mate.

As for Kovalainen, ok, maybe a bit over the board...

[jimpo]

Originally posted by Stephan
Taxi; post of the century!

That was.....awesome

[Brodequin]

Excellent job Taxi!

[Lazarus II]

The whole thing is overboard...that's what makes it halarious.

[Taxi]

cost me a bit the parts on monteiro though... In portugal F1 fans are becoming desperate... He's silent since sutil got the 2nd spiker car.

[Nukle]

Taxi great one!!!

[armchair expert]

That was very funny, but I was actually interested in what they did in particular during the off-season in order to keep their skills sharp.

I heard that Schumi, when he wasn't designing, engineering, building and testing, would ride through the Swiss Alps on horseback shooting small furry animals. Kimi would set up bottles of Vodka in a slalom formation on a skating rink and then race through them on a ski-mobile. Fred resorts to lengthy meditation periods in a carnival tent filled with incense in Tibet. Mark Webber employs a variation of the ancient Australian custom called 'Dance of the Flamers' and cycles around Mount Panorama with a burning, rolled up newspaper stuck in his butt.

Any one got any real ideas?

[armonico]

A very good and funny post, Taxi

[Peri_Piket]

Amazing
I took only one hour to write everything.

[Will]

Taxi A much needed laugh in a 12 hour on call gynaecology shift!

[rgagne]

so funny!!!

...and after 3rd or 4th reading, i finally got to link those 2

Originally posted by Taxi
12:00 [/B]

Massa was put in the shrink co's he was making races with a wheel chair in the hospital.

14:30

Frank Williams thinks of hiring Massa .
18:00

[Gudrun]

[sschinning]

Thanx taxi!

23:00 Couthard calls press: "this will be my year"

[Taxi]

thanks all for the compliments. By the way, have you read Kimi Raikkonen's interview to autosport? What a big piece of nothing! One day it will be... " The world will colapse tomorow. 6 biblion people in panic. Kimi Raikkonen remains unfased"

[Fortymark]

Taxi
That was funny!

[JacnGille]

[FEB]

thanks!

[Andrew Ford &F1]

Too much attack on Fisichella and Kovalainen. As for the rest, I could not agree more. However, the onne with Hamilton is too cruel ;) I agree that Ron Dennis has always been helping the briton throughout his career, but Lewis is a pretty good driver.
I wonder what Eddie Irvine and Gerhard Berger are doing?

[MONTOYASPEED]

Originally posted by Stephan
Taxi; post of the century!

2nd that!!!

[Taxi]

Originally posted by Andrew, Ford &F1
Too much attack on Fisichella and Kovalainen. As for the rest, I could not agree more. However, the onne with Hamilton is too cruel ;) I agree that Ron Dennis has always been helping the briton throughout his career, but Lewis is a pretty good driver.
I wonder what Eddie Irvine and Gerhard Berger are doing?

Actualy I' m a fan of fisi and Kovi . It was just for the fun and exploring this forun clichés.

[Melbourne Park]

Loved it.

Surely people wouldn't take it seriously.

Except ...

[Ciao]

I wonder why Ralf and Rubens were spared, they would have been easy targets!!!!

Hang out in strip clubs waving their dicks around.

Now that is what I call penis envy!!!!!!!

[Taxi]

Originally posted by Ciao
I wonder why Ralf and Rubens were spared, they would have been easy targets!!!!


:

Ralf is always spanked. Rubens doesn't really interest any more.

[Ivan]

Taxi,
You earned your stripes today!!