2019 Firestone Grand Prix of Monterey @ WeatherTech Raceway (or Laguna Seca, to you and me)
Well, ladies and gents, it has come to this. We've made it to the end of the all-too-short 2019 IndyCar season. Yes, the season is ending and we haven't even reached the end of September yet. Looks like Billie Joe Armstrong will be missing yet another season finale. Yes, it's too soon. Yes, we all want more races. But this is it for this year. Still, it's shaping up to be a cracker, with four drivers still (mathematically) in contention - it's debateable whether Scott Dixon is still in contention but this is a) IndyCar, and b) Scott Dixon we're talking about, so of course he's still in contention you heathens.
Where are we?
Well, it's the end of the IndyCar season, so we return to the state we've visited for the finale in every season of the DW12 era. It's California, baby,
That didn't help. What colour is the grass?
BROWN
Hang on, wait a second... that's...
Not Sears Point Infineon Raceway Sonoma Raceway? Nope. This, my friends, is IndyCar's triumphant return to Mazda Raceway WeatherTech Raceway Laguna Seca. To be honest, I don't know what WeatherTech are (apart from the sponsor of the WeatherTech SportsCar Championship. Watch that. It's good.) but it sounds like a cover for a supervillain to try and take over the world with some sort of weather-based-death-ray-type-thing so we'll just assume the best. Anyway, it's been 15 years since American Open-Wheel Racing (read: ChampCar) last visited these hallowed grounds, so it'll make a nice change for us to see some different brown, won't it?
Schedule for the weekend's events (it's bumper!)
Times are UTC -7, so add 8 hours for the UK / 9 hours for Western/Central Europe.
Friday 20 Sep
08:45 - 09:15 - USF2000 Practice
09:30 - 10:15 - Indy Lights Practice
10:30 - 11:15 - IndyCar Practice 1
11:30 - 12:00 - Indy Pro 2000 Practice
12:15 - 13:15 - IndyCar Autograph Session
13:30 - 14:00 - Indy Lights / Indy Pro 2000 Autograph Session
14:10 - 14:40 - USF2000 Autograph Session
14:10 - 14:55 - IndyCar Practice 2
15:10 - 15:40 - IndyCar Pitstop Practice
15:55 - 16:25 - Indy Lights Race 1 Qualification
16:40 - 17:00 - USF2000 Race 1 Qualification
17:15 - 17:35 - Indy Pro 2000 Race 1 Qualification
Saturday 21 Sep
08:40 - 09:00 - USF2000 Race 2 Qualification
09:15 - 09:45 - Indy Lights Race 2 Qualification
10:00 - 10:45 - IndyCar Practice 3
11:00 - 11:20 - Indy Pro 2000 Race 2 Qualification
13:35 - 14:50 - IndyCar Qualification
15:00 - 15:45 - Indy Lights Race 1
16:00 - 16:40 - Indy Pro 2000 Race 1
16:55 - 17:35 - USF2000 Race 1
Sunday 22 Sep
09:05 - 10:10 - Indy Lights Race 2
10:25 - 11:05 - USF2000 Race 2
11:30 - 11:40 - Driver Introductions
12:00 - 14:15 - IndyCar Firestone Grand Prix of Monterey
15:15 - 16:05 - Indy Pro 2000 Race 2
More facts about the track please
Length: 2.238 mi / 3.602 km / 1947.03 Froods
Turns: 11 (arguably more)
Wiggliness: Depends where you are on track
Track Record: Officially, 1:07.722 by Hélio Castroneves in 2000. Unofficially, 1:05.786 by something called a "Marc Gené" in a "Ferrari"
Last winner: In what? A1GP? Salvador Duran. The 2004 race was won by Patrick Carpentier. The last race under the name "IndyCar" happened in 1996 and was won by a pineapple...
1996, eh?
...we're not going to get through this without some allusion to it, are we?
http://www.youtube.c...h?v=cBthxGThBkc
Don't expect more of that. Do expect more Herta.
What are the championship permutations?
This'll probably explain it better than I can.
This is all relatively tame, Frood. I expected less "actual facts" and more "I belong in a padded cell" from you. Could you, maybe, give us a quick look back at 2019 but in the very loose guise of a famous film franchise that probably isn't as good as you thought the idea was about two months ago when you had it?
...fine. You reap what you sow.
EPISODE XVII
RETURN OF THE SECA
It is the end of the season. The imperious PENSKITH EMPIRE has sought to gain control of the galaxy, using all their significant firepower and the best engineers available. The relentless EMPEROR PALPENSKE has dispatched his top general, GRAND MOFF JONEW, along with the galaxy’s most-feared supermarket game store proprietor DARTH BLINDLIGHTER to Laguna Seca, on the planet California, in order to claim what is rightfully theirs. Not to be outgunned, California has sent its own defence in the shape of the swashbuckling smuggler pilot, ALEX ROSSOLO - himself is being pursued by a relentless bounty hunter known simply as THE ICEMAN; a man both respected and feared for his ability to always bring home his prize. Laguna Seca will soon be a battleground for the ages, and only one faction will prevail…
The story so far...
Episodes I - V: A NEW HOPE…?
EPISODE I took place on the swampy planet Florida, namely the city of St. Petersburg. A heroic young Force-sensitive from the planet Hoth known only as Frozenqvist was discovered and burst onto the Indycar Wars scene in his first (pod)race. Freed from slavery on planet Europe, this hotshot looked like he could take planet Florida by storm. After a tough fight, he was eventually overhauled - it was Jonew and the Empire who took the first spoils of war, followed home by the ever-present Iceman. Maybe Frozenqvist could be A New Hope...
Grand Moff Jonew likes good food, long walks on the beach and blowing up planets in front of his boss's daughter
EPISODE II moved to places never seen before - Austin, the weird and wonderful capital of planet Texas. Here we saw a youngling fulfilling his potential - with Pato Obi-Ward pulling off some stunning racing, and another youngling emerge from the shadow of his Indycar Wars general father; with Colt-On Herta managing to repel the might of Grand Moff Jonew to take a crucial advantage and become the youngest winner in series history. Meanwhile, the Empire’s hapless comic relief oddity Will-Will Power fell out of contention after suffering his own mechanical mishaps. Maybe Herta could be A New Hope…
Don't try spinning, that's not a good trick
EPISODE III, on planet Alabama saw a crushing victory from an unlikely source - loveable robo-rogue S4-T0. The diminutive droid bested the Iceman’s efforts and took an almost unchallenged victory, wowing the galaxy (and this forum, of course). Droids don’t even need a barber. Could this unlikely little droid have been A New Hope?
EPISODE IV saw our first look at planet California; and on his home planet, Alex Rossolo finally made his mark. Just as the previous week was dominated by S4-T0, Rossolo was rarely headed around the streets of Long Beach. Episode IV was more memorable for a fracas between the usually unflappable Iceman and rebel ship captain Rahal Antillies, a man who is literally married to The Force. The Iceman eventually took his bounty, albeit with much protest from Captain Rahal. All the while, Grand Moff Jonew was lurking, looking to make up points as stealthily as possible. It seems as though destiny has made Rossolo A New Hope...
A scruffy-looking nerf-herder
EPISODE V of course saw the action move back to Galactic Capital, Indianapolis. The Iceman had had his steely resolve focussed on galactic events leading up to this point and finally made a break to try and capture some silverware for himself. The forces of the Empire fought back again - however, in the guise of the hitherto anonymous Darth Blindlighter; though quite how a man with a hideously radioactive ship can be undercover is anyone’s guess. Iceman and Blindlighter fought an intense dogfight, with Blindlighter eventually winning out in what was one of the best races of the season. Just behind them, a being known as Jack Harvey and a youngling under the tutelage of the wise old Master Yo’naan had their own brilliant results. Had the Galaxy found A New Hope…?
Don't look directly at his lightsaber. Or his face.
Episode VI: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
EPISODE VI is the jewel in the crown (and there aren't any Ewoks in sight). The biggest race on the calendar. The Brickyard. All the news surrounded one man - Kylo Kaiser, who qualified for the Indy 500 at the expense of Carlin's Max Reebo (-imum Hairgel) Chilton and Obi-Ward, along with some other backmarker. In the race, he put it in the wall. Never mind, young Kylo. The race itself was red-flagged late on after a coming together between a furious Rahal Antillies and pod-racing bad boy Sebulbastien. As such, it came down to a thrilling 14-lap dogfight at the end between Rossolo and Blindlighter, with the latter edging home by two tenths of a second to bring yet another Baby, er, Borg (I know, I know) to Emperor Palpenske. S4-T0 followed them home in another display of fortitude from the durable droid.
UNLIMITED (WILL) POWER
Episodes VII - XI: A ROSSOLO STORY
Episodes VII and VIII took place on the gritty streets of planet Michigan's Detroit. The first event was rained off after just over half distance, after another tough fight between between victor Grand Moff Jonew and Alex Rossolo, with S4-T0 again trailing in 3rd. The race was a disaster for championship hopefuls The Iceman and Will-Will Power, with the former uncharacteristically crashing out and the latter suffering more embarrassment by having wheely bad issues after a botched pit stop. The second episode at Detroit was a role reversal: this time, The Iceman took his first win of the season and Power recovered to finish a strong 3rd; instead, Jonew, Rossolo and Blindlighter were all in the wars against their compatriots - and each other! Meanwhile, 2nd place went to Marcus Ericsson who is Swedish and not a Finn. That's about the only Star Wars reference I could work into that. He's a bit vanilla.
Ice, ice, baby
Episode IX took us back to planet Texas, and back to the main protagonists of the season: Alex Rossolo and Grand Moff Jonew. At first it seemed like another strong race for S4-T0, but after a navigation error he managed to instead mow down his mechanics like he was hunting womp rats in his T-16. One by one, the other drivers fell to the wayside, including a spectacular clash between boy wonder Herta and the Iceman. The mighty Empire pulled off a magnificent strategy for Jonew and he held off Rossolo to the end, with Rahal Antillies eventually prevailing in 3rd.
Episode X at Road America was an uneventful affair, with Rossolo dominating the screen time just like he had way back in Episode IV. He led all but one lap and finished over 30 seconds ahead of Will-Will Power, with Jonew coming home a quiet 3rd which saw his championship lead shrink considerably.
When 900 millennia you reach, look as badly photoshopped you will not, hmm?
Episode XI - Planet Canada is a strange place full of polite, lovely people and impolite, awful geese. It was also the setting for Episode XI, and it was here that Darth Blindlighter got his revenge. After a quiet few races, the fluorescent-faced Frenchman finally fought to a fird fictory of the season. The race was more notable for the return of Will-Will Power to his comic relief ways - first, getting up to no good with Rahal Antillies and a taxi driver at the first corner and later binning it in the same corner on the last lap. The Iceman followed Blindlighter home, having never quite gotten the chance to attack through the traffic. Rossolo finished 3rd and Jonew 4th, shrinking the championship gap again to 4 points.
Episodes XII - XVI: RISE (AND FALL) OF THE ICEMAN
Episode XII saw the championship move to the agricultural wasteland of planet Iowa. Will-Will Power dominated at the start of proceedings until team-mate Jonew eventually overhauled him. A rain delay soon followed, after which the Empire's speeders ran 1-2-3. The race also saw a starring role for one San Tico, as beloved a character in Europe as The Last Jedi's Rose Tico. Still, he had shown moves earlier in the season and Iowa saw him make some bold moves on Alex Rossolo. Things started to unravel for the Empire as Blindlighter fell back into the pack and the comic relief continued for Power as he got a stop/go for improper pit lane entry, or, er, docking procedure. Something like that. Jonew wouldn't be overhauled, but a brilliant strategy for the Iceman saw him up into 2nd after a slow start. Rossolo had a quiet race and the championship opened up once more.
Episode XIII - to the centre of the planet Ohio! The closest finish of the season! For a long time, it looked as though Frozenqvist would finally take his first win of the season, especially after some forceful moves on people like Will-Will Power - alas, his team was outmanoeuvred by, er, his team. More specifically, the team of his own team-mate The Iceman. An exciting final lap saw the two team-mates almost come together as the Iceman's tyres faded at the end of the race and Frozenqvist fought as bravely as he could! At the same time, Grand Moff Jonew staged a last-lap attack on Ryan Hunter-Rey which ended in disaster - for the Penskith! The championship closed up due to Jonew's last lap error...
The less said about Episode XIV, the better. We're not going to start this discourse again... Either way, rain stopped play before the chequered flag. The win eventually went to the hapless Power, who finally had something go right. Podiums for the Iceman and Blindlighter along with a decent result for Jonew made the retirement for Rossolo a particularly painful one.
Episode XV - Crunch time for the season; but an early shower for the Iceman, who fell out of contention with mechanical gremlins early on. It looked like the race would be between non-championship contending team-mates San Tico and Sebulbastien; unfortunately, for the not-quite-as-radioactively-coloured-as-Blindlighter Frenchman, he would end up in the wall before the night was done. San Tico would eventually be caught out by the late yellow and the ensuing strategy games - strategy games which eventually saw an unlikely podium made up of S4-T0, Ed Carpenter and the wise old Master Yo'naan. A quiet day for all the other championship contenders, with Blindlighter taking over 2nd in the championship with a 5th place compared to Rossolo's 13th.
Episode XVI - Our final stop before The Return of the Seca. A comedy of errors in the early stages from drivers who should know better - Rahal Antillies spearing a good number of cars on Lap 1 and Hunter-Rey bumbling into the back of Jack Harvey after trying to defend from his own team-mate - saw a race littered with early cautions. It was Colt-On Herta who lead the initial stages of the race, the strongest he had done since Austin. The Iceman would eventually take over the lead but lose it almost immediately with a battery issue, essentially curtailing his championship chances. The fight eventually came down to Power, Frozenqvist and Rossolo - and that was the order they finished in after a late caution.
Edited by Frood, 18 September 2019 - 23:31.
Hope you get on the mend soon.
